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I’ve mentioned words I hate in a number of posts. Lest you think I am a negative person — a hater, if you will — I have compiled a list of words I love (definitions courtesy of dictionary.com). Here they are, in no particular order:

Moist (adjective): Moderately or slightly wet; damp
People either love this word or hate it. I love it because I think it really conveys that clammy quality.
Example: I shook his moist, limp hand, and instantly regretted it.

Egregious (adjective): extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant
The word just rolls off the tongue (or off the fingers, as the case may be).
Example: The professor wrote, “I will take off five points for each egregious error I find.”

Heinous (adjective): hateful; odious
Like egregious, it is just a good, all-purpose adjective to convey something unpleasant.
Example: Trish’s attitude swings from lovely to heinous — sometimes within minutes.

Beastly (adjective): nasty; unpleasant; disagreeable
See “egregious” and “heinous.”
Example: The humidity in Savannah is quite beastly in August.

Harass (verb): to disturb persistently; pester
Up until recently, this word was pronounced “HAIR-uhs” (and still is in many places). Here in America, we commonly say “huh-RASS,” which I like better because it is stronger (and I get to say “ass”).
Example: “Gideon, stop harassing the dog!” Eddie said.

Jackass (noun): a contemptibly foolish or stupid person
Speaking of ass, “jackass” is also a great word. It is strong, succinct, and also employs the word “ass.”
Example: People who leave anonymous comments on blogs are just jackasses.

Badger (verb): to harass
It is just such a great, descriptive verb.
Example: Dominic would not stop badgering his mother about his Batman suit.

Meh (interjection): expression of apathy or indifference
Nothing says indifference quite like “meh.” Just ask students in my classes.
Example: She asked, “Professor, how do you feel about my paper topic?” “Meh,” I replied.


Rascal (noun): a mischievous person or animal
I think I might have stolen this word from Eddie. I’m a rascal.
Example: Eddie looked at our wedding picture and said, “Who’s that handsome rascal?”


Hillbilly (noun): a person from a backwoods or other remote area
The word conjures up so many fantastic images.
Example: Effingham County is populated with hillbillies; Chatham County is populated with hillbillies who have money.

I see a theme here. I promise I also like words that convey positive things. But that is for another post.

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As soon as I posted the list of the top five words I hate, I knew I would have a sequel. Here are five more words/phrases:

In order to
Like “currently,” this is unnecessary. “To” works just as well by itself.
Incorrect: In order to get his yard work done, Eddie had to take off a day of work.
Correct: Eddie had to take a vacation day to finish the yard work.

Piqued
I don’t hate this word. I hate that people don’t know how to use it correctly. People often spell it “peaked” or “peeked.” But it is a French word derived from “piquer,” which means “to prick.”
Incorrect: A student peaked my interest in peopleofwalmart.com
Correct: A student also piqued my curiosity about textsfromlastnight.com.

Hors d’oeuvres
This is another French word that I like when used correctly. The trouble is that people want to use it, but don’t know how to spell. It means “out of the main work,” and refers to appetizers. People mangle the “oeuvre” in a variety of ways, including “ourve.” One enterprising student wrote it “orderves.” Either write “appetizers” or look it up.

Biweekly
Is it every two weeks or twice a week? “Biweekly” can mean either. I hate the ambiguity. AP Style uses “biweekly” to mean “every other week,” and “semiweekly” to mean “twice a week.” But not everyone uses it that way. So let’s be specific.
Incorrect: He updated his blog biweekly.
Correct: He only updated his blog every other week.

PIN number
“PIN” stands for “personal identification number,” so “PIN number” would mean “personal identification number number.” And that’s silly. Same with “VIN number” (vehicle identification number number) and “UPC code” (universal product code code).
Incorrect: Give me your PIN number so I can steal your money.
Correct: “Give me your PIN,” I said.

I’m probably not done yet with the “words I hate” topic. People subject English to so much butchering.

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Some students in my classes have asked for a list of words I hate. Here are the ones that are always at the top:

Currently

If there is a verb in the sentence, then you don’t need that adverb. It is redundant.

Incorrect: Beth is currently a writing professor. “Is” means it is happening right now. “Currently” is overkill.

Correct: I can’t think of an occasion where you would need it.

Hopefully

This is one of the most misused words in the English language. People use it to mean “I hope.” If that is what you mean, then use, “I hope,” for Pete’s sake! It is an adverb, which means it needs to modify a verb.

Incorrect: Hopefully, the envelope contains a bonus check. How is the envelope behaving in a hopeful manner?

Correct: She looked hopefully at the envelope, convinced that it contained a bonus check.

Utilize

I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: There is nothing wrong with the word “use.”

Incorrect: Utilize your knowledge of grammar to start a blog.

Correct: Use your knowledge of grammar to start a blog. See? “Use” is a perfectly good word.

Nauseous

People use this word to mean “I am sick to my stomach.” But what they should say is “nauseated” because that is what they are. If they are nauseous, then they cause nausea in others.

Incorrect: “I’m nauseous now,” said Eddie after riding The Flying Critter at the fair.

Correct: “The Flying Critter made me nauseated,” he said.

Partner

This is a noun, not a verb. Stop trying to “partner” with people, and just team up, join them or just combine completely in the sentence.

Incorrect: The SCAD writing department is partnering with the graduate studies department to present a lecture by Rebecca Skloot.

Correct: The writing and graduate studies departments are sponsoring the lecture.

There’s more, but this list has made me nauseated, and I need to lie down.

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Today was the first day of beach season for us. So begins a summer of sand-filled crevices.

In honor of the water-loving that is beginning everywhere, I’m sharing this sign I’ve been saving (thank you, Carrie):

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I know I just wrote a new post, but then Caila, SCAD Radio‘s general manager, shared this with me:

Full link here.

Forget that the writer clearly doesn’t know AP Style. She has bigger issues. Evidence: the very first sentence. I’m guessing she meant “descend” not “decent.”

But wait, there’s more. Gaze upon this section:

So let’s help her out on the big ones:

  • “dies” should be “dyes”
  • “chanel” should be “channel”
  • “affect” should be “effect”

I love the “rumor vs. reality” theme, and I like her voice. What I don’t like, of course, is that it is riddled with mistakes she should have caught. And I’m guessing Savannah Morning News writers post directly to the Web without benefit of a copy editor’s glance.

SIGH.

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My transformation is now complete. I am now part of the “Mom” species. Yes, I know I have two kids and have been a mom for a while. But this week, I became a Mom with a capital M.

One of my students said about me, “She is like the cool mom.” And that aged me 10 years.

Then Dominic started soccer practice. And that added 10 more. I’m a freakin’ Soccer Mom. Feeling middle-aged and frumpy. How did this happen?

Soon, I’ll be shopping at JCPenney for Mom jeans. Thanks to SNL, I can show you what I mean.

The good news is that the boys love soccer. I’m happy because they’ll learn teamwork and get some exercise. Too bad the sand gnats like soccer practice too.

Dominic (blue shorts) learns fundamentals

Gideon's got mad skillz

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Thank you to Kristina, a SCAD writing student, for providing tonight’s subject. She reports that the writer of this Facebook status update may be “the dumbest person on the planet.” I don’t know about that, but this person’s post is pretty great in a horrible way.

It is nice to know they give you plants in the emergency room.

Seriously, though …

There are many things I could say about this item, but I like two aspects overall:

  1. Kristina’s assessment: “It’s a masterpiece; don’t deny it.”
  2. The fact that she sees someone mangling the English language and thinks of me.

Moral of the story: Don’t butcher the language, even on Facebook.

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Today’s topic and photo are courtesy of Travis, a student in the SCAD writing department. He discovered this sign on a printer in the Jen Library. Some students say it has been there for a couple of weeks.

Here’s my beef with this sign: the word “utilize.” What did the word “use” ever do to anyone? “Utilize” is like pearls on a pig. Pointless. “Use” is a fine word; there is nothing wrong with it. That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do.

And don’t get me started on “supersize” as a verb. Damn you, McDonald’s.

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I must thank Jacque, a student in the SCAD writing department, for providing the subject of tonight’s blog post. She reports that the image below was on the desktop of the college’s computers.

Ordinarily, I’d ask you to avert your eyes at such hideousness, but not tonight. Tonight I want you to look. Focus on it in all of its glory. And then let’s talk about it.

WHAT is going on here? Do people in these departments not know that there are people at SCAD who can help them write and design marketing materials? Is Montgomery Hal any relation to Shallow Hal? How many fonts are represented overall? And the colors! The colors! GAH!

Please make it stop.

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I kept it together tonight. I did not throw my panties on the stage, or engage in any other unseemly fan behavior. I was, however, awestruck, and rendered speechless.

Stanley Fish spoke at SCAD.

The topic of his lecture was “How to Write a Sentence.” If you read his New York Times columns here (Part I) and here (Part II), you’ll get the gist of the lecture. Bottom line: Form is more important than content. People can express ideas and be creative only within the confines of syntax, and they must know syntax.

Now discuss among yourselves. I feel faint.

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