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Information taken out of context can be quite interesting and illustrative. Also embarrassing.

My friend Tina (36-hour Tina) mentioned a movie I hadn’t yet seen (“Saving Grace”), so I visited Netflix to add it to my queue.

This is what I found:

Hmmm. A superhero story, a documentary about birds, and “Zombie Strippers.” What does that say about me?

Let me explain.

“Spider-Man, Vol. 1: Interactions”

Eddie selected this for the boys to keep them from destroying the house. Yes, we occasionally use the TV as a babysitter and anesthetic. Don’t call DFCS on me.

“The Life of Birds: Episode 1”

I picked this for Dominic because he has developed an overwhelming interest in birds. Gideon was having none of it, though, and tried so hard to distract his brother that Dominic finally gave up on the (very interesting) documentary. It’s too bad. We almost made it to the end.

“Zombie Strippers

Sigh. This is the one you really want to know about, don’t you? It was an Eddie choice after we had finished watching “Breakdown” (How is it possible that I had not seen this classic with Kurt Russell as the vengeful, driven husband and J.T. Walsh as the leader of the bad guys [as usual]?). I like ridiculous, campy movies very much, but I guess I just wasn’t in the mood for “Zombie Strippers.” And it was way past my bedtime. I gave up on it, much like I gave up on “A Prairie Home Companion.”

Perhaps we’ll return to the movie at some point. I’m not a particularly discerning viewer. After all, I sat through all of “Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie” and “Sherman’s March.” (Eddie still hasn’t forgiven me for that.)

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I always ask one question of students on the first day of class. This helps me get to know them a little better, and makes it easier to start class discussions.

Today’s question was this:

Around Jan. 1, most people resolve to start or stop doing something. What is one resolution you would never make?

Think of it as a non-resolution.

Here are 10 things I thought of today that I would never (willingly) give up:

  1. Cheese (my response in the Promotional Writing class)
  2. KISS (my response in the News Writing and Editing class)
  3. Bacon (a discussion topic in the above class)
  4. My MacBook Air that facilitates my Facebook and Twitter habits
  5. My iPhone (also an enabler)
  6. Watching Will Ferrell movies
  7. Reading David Sedaris’ work
  8. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Puffs
  9. Coffee
  10. Shrimp

And my family, of course. (I hear the collective “awww.”)

What are yours?

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I’ve been working very hard on my dissertation. I know that may come as a shock, but it’s true.

According to what I wrote in my proposal and IRB application, I am trying to determine what television news reporters in small markets perceive as influences on their daily newsgathering and decision-making processes. And, just to make it extra fun, I chose a qualitative research method: in-depth interviews.

It has been challenging to find participants, then schedule and conduct the interviews — all of which have been phone interviews. Many of these have happened after dinner, before the kids go to bed.

You can sense a disaster about to happen, can’t you?

Tonight, I had two interviews in a row. Eddie was supposed to keep the boys quiet.

For whatever unfathomable reason, he decided to stage some kind of freaky dance party in our living room instead — with predictably disastrous results.

Meanwhile, just a few steps away, I was in my office, trying to conduct an interview.

Hear the disaster here.

I can’t imagine what that poor reporter thinks.

(And don’t worry — both boys are just fine.)

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2010 in stats

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high-level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 16,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, this blog would have filled about four fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 150 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 217 posts. There were 418 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 173mb. That’s about one picture per day.

The busiest day of the year was March 4 with 316 views. The most popular post that day was Murder in the ‘ham.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, scadwrit220.blogspot.com, iconfactory.com, and brotherhoodofthieves.wordpress.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for chiasmus, fuzzy wuzzy, anadiplosis, redneck, and eats shoots and lays.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Murder in the ‘ham March 2010
6 comments

2

Redneck Games: Fun for the whole family July 2010
7 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

3

Hypophora? I hardly know her! January 2010
1 comment

4

Cast September 2009
8 comments

5

The author August 2009
3 comments

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Leper colony, third floor

This is all I’ve got today. (Thanks, Casey!)

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While we were in Seattle for my birthday (only a partial week this year, instead of a full week), Eddie found himself a Christmas gift: A remote-controlled helicopter. While trying to justify the expense, we came up with many ways we could use it.

Here’s one:

And speaking of Christmas, the boys’ present attack lasted all of 20 minutes. After the Superhero Overload of 2009, we went a more educational route this year. For example, here are 12 gifts of Christmas 2010:

12 unattached pieces (this spider is missing four legs and will probably end up in the fire)

11 bags of fossils (including a trilobite -- exciting!)

10 twisting crayons (no messy wrappers!)

Nine lumps of coal (to remind them that they barely got off the naughty list)

Eight lengths of race track (Hot Wheels, of course)

Seven-segment eagle (there's also a bear and an alligator in the "morph" kit)

Six microscope slides (to go with the microscope Grandma Dad got Dominic)

Five gold coins (love that chocolate candy)

Four things to paint (nightmare to come)

Three science kits (for Daddy to deal with)

Two sticker books (all dinosaur, all the time)

And a hermit crab habitat (yes, we'll have crabs tomorrow)

As for me, the best present I received was that Eddie had his wedding ring resized to fit. (He hadn’t been able to wear it since his bicep reattachment surgery a year and a half ago.) I put it on him like I did when we got married. I’d post the video, but I’m a little weepy in it.

Yes, even this Grinch has a heart. (And I also have some pride.)

Merry Christmas!

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Going in style

This post is a little bit of a departure from my usual topics, but that seems to be the theme this week. And I need to report something important:

Women can pee standing up.

Physically, we always could, but not without a mess. Products such as “GoGirl” eliminate that problem.

I love the tagline for this “female urination device”: “Don’t take life sitting down.”

“GoGirl” is the discreet, clinical version of an FUD. And then there’s the “Shenis” — completely opposite of “GoGirl” in tone and appearance.

Compare:

vs.

Take a look at the sites for yourself. Perhaps size really does matter (and gold silicone).

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“Operation Jaws”

Well, the story of the Sharm el-Sheikh shark just got weirder. I thought the anthropomorphism was bad, but the story 36-hour Tina forwarded is much worse.

Read and marvel at the full article. This is an image of the “spy” shark, taken moments before one of the attacks.

Wait — are those robotic fins and laser beams I see? And the Israeli flag too?

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I saw “Jaws” at an impressionable age, so I don’t swim in the ocean. Water up to my knees is fine, thank you very much. I’m fascinated by shark attacks, so this tweet caught my eye:

Is this the finned marauder responsible for an attack on tourists in the water near Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt?

Maybe. Maybe not.

The amazing thing about this story is the anthropomorphism of sharks.

Look, people, it’s a shark, not the Bikini Killer. If you don’t want to be lunch, stay out of the water. It’s that simple.

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My friend Tina and I just spent 36 hours together in New York City.* We’ve been friends for more than 20 years, so getting together with her is like wearing your favorite broken-in shoes. (Not that I’m comparing my friend to footwear, of course.)

While together, we:

  • sampled some wine and cheese at Eataly. (This place is amazing! You can drink wine while you shop for all kinds of delicious products. There’s a whole cooler just for sausage!)

One of those topics was pessimistic vs. optimistic people. She and I tend to be optimistic, but there are those in our circles who are most certainly not.

A faulty washer and subsequent flood does tend to cloud the sunny disposition, though.

Imagine this floor with two inches of water:

Intrigued? Yes, a sad little story follows.

We stayed in Tina’s sister’s place on the Upper West Side — a fantastic Riverside Drive address. Marion was in Florida and graciously let us stay. In return, we wanted to leave the place tidy with clean sheets. Tina left very early yesterday morning, so my job was to wash the sheets using the washer/dryer in the kitchen.

After the rinse cycle, I went into the kitchen and found the flood. Expletives followed. I spent an hour and a half physically mopping and mentally freaking. (Side note: I’ve met Marion three times, maybe.)

I even had to move the refrigerator.

As Tina’s other sister, Ann, remarked, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

I called Tina and left a message for Marion. Then the super appeared. Glenn was alerted to a water problem by a tenant on the 12th floor. Marion lives on the 16th floor. Yep. It was that bad.

Thus began a series of unfortunate events that challenged this optimistic person. So let’s look at those events from two points of view.

WASHER LEAK

The dark side: Massive flood that trickled down four flights and seeped into parquet floors — in the condo of a woman I barely know.

The bright side: I was still in the place when it happened. And Marion came home to clean sheets!

FEDEX SHIPPING (I offered to take another round of packages to FedEx for Tina, and I needed to send some of my own. The closest place wanted to charge $80, so I had to find an actual FedEx shipping center — 20 blocks away.)

The dark side: I carried 30 pounds of packages 20 blocks.

The bright side: I need the exercise, and my biceps got a workout.

AIRPORT RUSH (Because of all of the above, I ended up running late to get to La Guardia. To make matters worse, I had to get to the airport during Friday afternoon rush hour. I took the subway to 125th street and waited for the M60 bus. After a long wait during which I was silently screaming more expletives, I suggested to the four other La Guardia-bound people that we share a cab. They agreed, and the four of us got to the airport at 6:15 p.m. My plane was supposed to leave at 7!)

The dark side: I waited 45 minutes in the cold for a bus that never came, and then shared a cab with strangers. During the ride, I nearly soiled myself out of fear that I was going to miss my flight — the last direct one of the night.

The bright side: I made my flight, and even landed a little early. Plus, I met some interesting new people who all made their flights also.

I always say that it is great when good things happen. But if something bad happens, there is still something good: It makes a great story.

Hope you enjoyed mine!

* While in New York, I also had a lunch date with frequent blog contributor He Who Has Three Names: Shane Marshall Brown. Yay!

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