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More redneckery

July 14, 2011 by Beth

Just when you thought it was safe to read my blog again, I bring you more photos from the Redneck Games!

(Hey, I allowed a few days for your system to get back to normal after Sunday’s post.)

Sarah shows off her "arsenal of hydration." *

Bursting with excitement, I lead the way to the festival. (Photo by Royce)

Bikinis and boots: A fashion trend sweeping Dublin. (Photo by Royce)

Muscular men and jorts go together like peas and carrots (or twigs and berries, as the case may be). And white velcro shoes too? Mmm ... tasty!

Feast upon this buffet of manflesh and be disappointed you did not get to use your own looking holes -- er, eyes -- in person.

Nothing says "redneck" like a freshly dug mudpit for bellyfloppin'.

Ol' Dixie also makes a great beach towel.

I actually wanted to compete in this event. They didn't draw my number. I wept. (Or maybe that was just sweat.)

Nothing like a "sovienor" cup to commemorate the day.

If you are thinking about attending next year’s Redneck Games, you should know this:

  • It is hotter than the surface of the sun in Dublin in July.
  • Even with a canopy, you must apply sunscreen or you will be redder than the General Lee.
  • There is no organization and no real schedule. Type As must get over it.
  • No real bathrooms either. Savor the Port-O-Let.
  • Media will nearly outnumber the participants.
  • You can make a killing selling ice. And beer. And Dixie bathing suits.

See you all next year!

* Heidi gets the credit for this term.

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Redneckery afoot

July 10, 2011 by Beth

This week I submitted the final version of my dissertation and the corresponding paperwork. One of my first activities as a new Ph.D.? Attend the 2011 Redneck Games.

Allow me to take you on an amazing journey with this gallery of images.

Redneck living room

Redneck Granny comes over for a chat. A long chat.

Awaiting the lighting of the ceremonial torch

Posing while awaiting the lighting of the ceremonial torch

Lighting the ceremonial torch

Let the games begin!

Enjoying the view.

Royce enjoys himself.

Redneck Snooki

Redneck Snooki performs.

Jack Sprat and his wife

"Germany Sucks"

Redneck rump shaker

Redneck horseshoes

Royce seems intrigued while Sarah seems perplexed.

John and Heidi are mystified. Or sleeping.

Jeff Vaughan and his moonshine.

One of many interesting tattoos

Tiffany must be so pleased.

What?

Yeehaw.

Jorts are never a good idea.

Armpit serenade

Redneck Riviera

Redneck water slide

Sarah partakes in riverdancing.

It's really too hot for a Dixie duster.

Crack kills.

Sigh.

Bobbing for pigs' feet

See other comment regarding jorts.

On our way to get a second round of "sno-cones."

The Man of Steel and his buns of puff pastry

Dixie overload

It is important to know your true size when you shop.

See comment regarding clothing sizes.

Redneck Granny needed a nap.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , | 11 Comments »

Copper comes a-calling

July 5, 2011 by Beth

No Fourth of July celebration is complete without a visit from the Po-Po. Usually, the Po-Po visit the neighbors across the street. But last night, we earned a talking-to.

We have become “The Other.”

Why?

This (and its ilk):

Friends from Florida and relatives from South Carolina brought some treats from their respective states. Unfortunately, these treats are not allowed in Georgia. Georgia is OK with sparklers and “non-explosive and non-aerial” types of pyrotechnics.

Um … well … that’s not what we had. The polite young deputy sheriff who suddenly appeared at our fence was kind enough to remind us of Georgia law.

It didn’t matter that our neighbor (“Big Screen’) had launched a River Street-style display the night before. We ceased and desisted, much to the dismay of our pyro-leaning progeny.

Clearly, the transformation is complete.

Posted in Random | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

Signs of life

July 2, 2011 by Beth

Today I saw two signs that merit a mention.

No separation of church and state in Bloomingdale.

Hmmm ... this could have a different connotation.

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Thank you for being a friend

June 28, 2011 by Beth

One of the bad aspects of Facebook is that grammar/punctuation mistakes are out there for friends to see. It’s good for a grammarian like me, though, who can use mistakes as fodder for her blog. Here are three mistakes I’ve seen too often in the past week.*

“Awe”
Many people write this when they mean “aw,” as in an exclamation of dismay or some other sentiment. “Awe” conveys wonder or respect.
Example: “I am in awe of her inability to use ‘aw’ correctly.”

“Whenever”
Don’t confuse “whenever” with “when.” “Whenever” means that something always happens. “When” means it happened once.
Example 1: “When I went to the store yesterday, I bought Brussels sprouts.”
Example 2: “Whenever I go to the store, I buy beer.”

“Myself”
If you want to identify yourself in a photo, just use “me” or “I,” depending on the sentence. Don’t write “Charles and myself at graduation” or whatever.
Example: “This is a photo of Royce, Trish and me competing in the Bobbing for Pigs’ Feet event at the Redneck Games.”

I know Facebook is a fun forum, but let’s try not to butcher the language. Thanks.

(Uh oh. Do I hear the sound of dozens of “unfriend” clicks?)

* No images of the offenders’ comments; I don’t want to embarrass them publicly.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , | 8 Comments »

It’s a secret no one knows

June 22, 2011 by Beth

Warning: This post is a rumination on Hanson. Yes, the band.

I don’t watch much daytime television — who has the time? — but I do like a little Judge Mathis. Today, I had 30 minutes between tasks, and I went searching for my judge friend.

I found “Hanson: Best of 5 of 5” on Palladia. (What the heck is Palladia?) I’m not ashamed to say that I like me some Hanson. I have been known to sing “MMMBop” in class, much to the (equal parts) joy and chagrin of students. It’s on my favorite iTunes playlist. However, I am not familiar with their oeuvre.

This is how I pictured them prior to stumbling upon the show:

I remember when Taylor was the “cute one,” Zac was the “young one” and Isaac was, bless his heart, not the “cute one.”

Years have passed. Things have changed. They’re all grown up, and are all kind of cute now (although I do wonder about Taylor’s penchant for suspenders, as evidenced by the Palladia show).

I watched the whole show, and enjoyed every moment. They are talented; their songs are solid. And even the melancholy Taylor was grinning like a fool during “MMMBop.” How could he not?

Don’t judge me.

Posted in Random | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

Six-word reviews

June 19, 2011 by Beth

Writing succinctly is an art.

It’s why I like to teach Writing and New Media. New media is all about writing many little bits.*

It’s why I’m fascinated with six-word memoirs.

It’s why I’d like to write six-word movie reviews.

“Priest”
Paul Bettany needs a better agent.

“Thor”
Please take off your shirt again.

“Mr. Popper’s Penguins”
I thought it would be worse.“Super 8”
Like “E.T.,” “Goonies?” You’ll like this.

“The Hangover Part II”
Same story. Different city. Still funny.

“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”
Even my boyfriend couldn’t save it.

“Bridesmaids”
Best movie out: Hollywood take note.

I think I have a future. Anyone willing to pay for it?

* That’s a fact some of the students in my class didn’t really seem to grasp when they noted there wasn’t much long-form writing in the class. Sigh.

Posted in Random | Tagged , , | 2 Comments »

An embarrassment of riches

June 15, 2011 by Beth

Sign makers are having a really tough time.

From Nate:

Do you have to wear a tux to work out?

From Charlotte:

Let's do a preposition review, shall we?

From Jacque:

And while we're at it, let's review apostrophes, commas and writing succinctly too.

From Aimee:

(Hmmm ... Where to start? ...) I don't know that I want to see someone with an "entergetic" face. And I'd rather experience a frappuccino in Starbucks.

From Whitney, via imgur.com:

Just as I'm passing on experiencing the meat clerks, I'm passing on this kind of dinner.

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Tattoo you. (Wait — on second thought …)

June 11, 2011 by Beth

If there is any question that there is an obesity epidemic in America, then I suggest a trip to Summer Waves (or really any water or theme park).

You know what else has reached epidemic proportions?

Bad tattoos.

You can find those at Summer Waves also.

Did she give the baby the tattoo gun and let him have at it?

You know what his destiny is? The ER after a heart attack.

¿Que carajo es eso? A snake? Hamburglar? Dopey from the Seven Dwarves?

Is this a permanent immunity necklace? Immunity from normal relationships, I'd bet.

What IS this? Maybe a wave of humiliation surrounded by kanji for "I'm a dumbass with no taste."

I spy with my little eye a penguin on a doughnut, one of those freaky intestinal tapeworms, a rabid bunny, and an ode to Wesley (as in Dread Pirate Roberts? As you wish.)

Tattoo-watching = more interesting than waterslides!

Posted in Random | Tagged , , | 7 Comments »

One ticket to paradise, please

June 4, 2011 by Beth

In honor of the guys who corrected typos across America, I decided to make a difference in the bathroom of the restaurant across the street from where I work.

(Don’t let your mind wander to unpleasant things. I’m still talking about fixing typos. There’s a chalkboard wall in there.)

One small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.

Posted in Grammar, etc. | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments »

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