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Publication envy

I must confess that I am jealous of Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson. “Who are they?” you might ask. If you did, then you are not one of the dozen or so people who have sent me the link to all the coverage of their amazing book, “The Great Typo Hunt.”

I used to read their blog, but now the blog seems more focused on their amazing book tour. A book tour. For writing a book about noticing and fixing typos. SIGH.

Maybe someday “Eats, Shoots and Lays” will be a book. But until then, I must be satisfied with noting errors on a small scale.

Lucky me, there is no shortage of errors.

In today’s mail, there was a doozy:

AFLAC is a fairly big company, no? So they must have some senior folks in charge of their unsolicited mailings. Well, whoever these folks are, they need to revisit the rules for apostrophes.

I’ll go a little easier on the produce manager at Piggly Wiggly because the mistake is not quite as public. (It didn’t go through the U.S. mail on the cover of an envelope.)

Hmm … “Beefstake” tomatoes. Like really chunky, flavorful tomatoes grown on a piece of wood stuck in the ground? Or like “beefcake” — muscular, handsome tomatoes? Oh it’s a darn heterograph tripping up our friend in produce. “Beefsteak” is the word he/she needs.

Speaking of public, this is about as public as it gets:

Stay classy, North Carolina!

Avatar: The Last Sharpie

Dominic and Gideon wake up before Eddie and I do. We’ve been strongly encouraging them to stay in their rooms and play quietly.

This morning, Eddie left very early to open the gym. Usually, the kids are up when he leaves at 6:30. Not this morning. I was pleased, thinking they were playing quietly or still sleeping.

I should have been worried.

About an hour later, I woke up again — this time to Dominic yelling, “Mama! I made Gideon look like Aang!”

Aang is the main character in “Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

And here is Gideon as Aang.

Yes, that is Sharpie permanent marker all over him (it was in Gideon’s room to mark his height chart). Here is the back view for your enjoyment:

(I promise we feed him. He’s going through a massive growth spurt.)

So cute. So awful.

The "artiste," "Aang" and Mona (who doesn't care what kind of crap anyone has on his face)

Dominic realized he had made a mistake when he saw the look on my face. He started saying he was sorry, but what could I do? I laughed. I laughed to keep from crying.

I guess I should be happy he has artistic talent.

Mile-high ditty

Sing the following to the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane.”

Little ditty about Beth and Sophia
Two American chicks livin’ it up for just a week.
Beth is gonna be a new media star.
Sophia had plenty of fun without a car.

Right. So I’m not a songwriter. What I am, apparently, is an academic who finds enjoyment in conferences where people present research that might be boring to 95 percent of the population.

I was in Denver this week for the annual Association for Education in Journalism and Mass Communications conference. I was just here in April for the AWP conference. This time, though, I didn’t have access to a car, so I walked or took the fantastic Denver public transportation, which allowed me to really get to know the city. It is, for the most part, clean and beautiful, with street performers on every corner. (Although, Eddie would point out that there is plenty of “bummery.”)

"Mile-high City" as seen from Room 2122 of the Sheraton.

What made this trip even better was the presence of my friend Sophia. While I was enjoying an endless parade of panel discussions and presentations about new media, old media, social media, technology and pedagogy, Sophia was taking bike rides around the city, visiting museums, and browsing boutiques in Boulder.

One thing we decided to do together was the Denver Microbrew Tour. We were running late and were starving, so we grabbed sandwiches to go from The Lobby, the restaurant across the street from the tour’s first stop, Great Divide. At strategic pauses during the tour portion at the Great Divide, Sophia and I took gobble breaks. Not pretty, but we didn’t want to get hammered on the tour.

Sophia is holding the bag of to-go containers in her right hand.

We finally finished our meal at the next stop on the tour: Breckenridge Brewery, across, ironically, from Coors Field (home of the Colorado Rockies).

Up next: Wynkoop Brewing Company, home of a beer brewed with Anaheim chiles and smoked Ancho peppers. The beer is called Patty’s Chile Beer.

Or is it?

They should change that sign. The beer is made with “chile” peppers.

The last stop on the tour was Rock Bottom Restaurant and Brewery, which put us back on 16th Street where we caught the free MallRide back to base camp.

After a short nap, we headed out again. This time, our destination was Mizuna, the restaurant that Anthony Bourdain said was the only reason to go to Colorado. I practically had to take out a second mortgage, but it was worth it: Best. Meal. Ever. Fat and happy, we headed “home” in a cab.

The next day, Sophia headed home and I headed downstairs for another day of conferencing.

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Mizuna is gone.
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of the conference is gone. Now rock on.

Cruel intentions

Let’s talk about intent. SCAD graduate student Charlotte (fiancée of my friend Nate) provided a visual aid for this topic exploration.

I’m sure the writer wanted to get people excited about UGA football. But what he/she has really done is offer tickets to specific dogs. What do they want with those? And how much is $10,0000? Is it really $100,000? Or $10,000? I’ll take either.

My friend Heidi provided another good example.

The writer probably does not want people to sit in that cushy-looking chair. But instead, the sign warns against a sit-in. What about picketing or rioting? Are those OK instead?

Some friends of ours returned from Abu Dhabi for the summer, and wanted to take a family trip to Atlanta.

It was an opportunity we could not refuse.

We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn because of its proximity to the places we wanted to visit, and because Hilton was offering a package called “The Great Getaway” that offered free breakfast. Sign us up!

Here are the places we visited:

In addition to all the wonderful beasts of the waterways, the aquarium also has a whale slide. Billy, who is not a small man, decided he would try it out. Dominic said, “The whale’s gonna choke!”

Gideon and Mana enjoy some alone time.

It’s less a museum and more an educational Monkey Joe’s. Lots of screaming, running, banging, etc. And the kids made noise too (ba-dum-dum). Let’s just call it “collaborative learning.”

Gideon plays with the moon sand.

That place seemed so much bigger (and cooler) when I was an elementary school kid on a field trip. We saw the Galaxy Gameshow at the planetarium. I think the kids enjoyed it, but I don’t really know. I was asleep. And so were the other three adults. In fact, Eddie said as we left, “So we paid $12 for a nap?” Yes, yes we did.

Fernbank is to the American Museum of Natural History as CitiTrends is to Henri Bendel.

It’s my favorite mall in Atlanta, and I used to work in one of the clothing stores when I was in college. (I won’t say which store because it is just too embarrassing, even for me). We weren’t really there to shop, though. I had to get the hinge on my MacBook Air fixed. While I was doing that, everyone else ate ice cream.

The screaming stopped when they got ice cream.

This is my favorite hotel in the world, and I love this restaurant. It’s a little pricey, but it is worth it for the view.

Lunch over Atlanta

On the way there, I noticed this sign.

Only in the South, y’all.

No visit to Atlanta is complete without a naked dog with cheese, fries and an FO (Frosted Orange). Of course, then I slip into a grease-induced coma, but I don’t care.

The plan was to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (cheesy but yummy and cheap) but it was closed. (For those of you keeping count, that’s the fourth of my favorite restaurants that has closed in the past year. Am I bad luck?) So we went across the street to Mary Mac’s. Despite it being an Atlanta landmark, I had never eaten there. It is Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and The Lady & Sons restaurant in a larger environment. A butter-induced coma ensued.

  • The hotel pools

There were two pools — one outdoor, one indoor — and a jacuzzi. With five kids in the party, though, there are bound to be time-outs, even at the pool. The award for Best Actor in a Dramatic Role goes to my son Gideon for his role in “Pool Party, Pity Party.”

Time-out, party of four

I found another lovely sign here also.

Does the “mangement” handle identifying the “persons with communicable diseases” using the pool?

Overall, it was a fun trip, but also very exhausting. I think Dominic would agree.

All tuckered out

When I let the dogs out this morning, I decided to go out also to check on my (rather pathetic excuse for a) garden. It is a good thing I did. Look what I found:

“COPPERHEAD!” my inner girly voice shrieked. The mom, independent woman and rational voices immediately gave that other one the smackdown.

Eddie was taking his Saturday morning constitutional with the SCAD Bike Club, so I was left to my own devices. Ordinarily, I’d leave a snake alone. This one was on my patio, though. I have kids to protect.

So, I looked in the shed for our hoe or shovel, but they were nowhere to be found. Plan C was the post hole digger.

I calmly approached the interloper with my chosen weapon (which was freakin’ heavy, by the way). It saw me coming and slithered under the carcass of the blow-up water slide that has been on our patio for weeks (a sore subject for another time). I beat the snot out of that section of the slide with the post hole digger.

Slowly, I lifted the corner. The snake was not there. I lifted the corner a little more and saw it. My flailing had delivered only a flesh wound.

It coiled and tried to strike. I went berserk.

I think it's dead now.

I turned around and Dominic was looking at me through the window. His eyes were very wide. I couldn’t tell if he thought it was cool, funny or frightening.

Great. He’s probably scarred for life.

Faithful readers will remember me writing about my eating disorder. Unfaithful — er, occasional — readers may not, so here is the original post.

My new crush: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs.

The Flamin’ Hot Crunchy version is easy to find. The Puffs, not so much. I found them in the same convenience store where I saw Billy Dee Williams. (It was a very good day.) I bought every bag they had, and now I’m down to my last one. I feel shaky. I’ve been to five convenience stores in the past two days looking for them.

Luckily, Frito Lay has a “Where to Buy” feature on the website. It appears I’ll be headed to the intersection of Hwy. 80 and I-95 sometime today …

“Works every time”

On the way back from Splash in the Boro (again!), we, our party of 11 (!), stopped at a convenience store for overpriced drinks. When I got back in the truck, Eddie said, “I got you some material for your blog.”

Naturally, I have some remarks. Well, questions really.

1. This is a selling point for the convenience store?

2. What would make anyone buy anything Billy Dee Williams is selling? He hasn’t been relevant since 1980.

3. Colt 45? Really? This is what the great Lando Calrissian is reduced to hawking? (Maybe his quote from “Empire Strikes Back” explains it: “I’ve done all I can. I’m sorry I couldn’t do better, but I got my own problems.”)

I took an informal survey of the four adults in the vehicle and none of us had tried this beverage. One had tried Mad Dog 20/20 (Ida, I’m still amazed!).

I’m not above purchasing and consuming Colt 45 in the name of science, but I want to know what I should expect. Anyone care to give me a preview?

Sans pride

For those of you who think people are too hard on Comic Sans, you can show your support for the font by wearing this:

(Thanks, Morgan!)

Sign language

I received a forwarded e-mail with the subject line “I think Beth might like this one.”

It’s true. I do.

The e-mail originated with Jason, significant other of frequent contributor Shane Marshall Brown. And here is the photo:

Seen in Kalamazoo, Michigan

That sounds like an offer I can’t refuse. I could use $7,500 and 15 extra years. I wonder what kind of injury qualifies. Maybe a small flesh wound? I’m not so much into killing …