Observe and report

Trish and Ed had mentioned the Jaguars’ halftime hot dog buffet for the media, but I’m not a fan of hot dogs unless they have the processed cheese in the center. Still, I decided to dig in, despite the unappetizing presentation of the dogs swimming in amber brack.

The famed hotdog buffet

It was a decision I would regret.

The game was a blowout. The crowd started singing “Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye” with more than four minutes left. The Titans went home 0-4 and very sad.

I met up with Ed outside the press conference room. Inside, there were a dozen or so print folks and eight people with video cameras. Jaguars head coach Jack Del Rio read from the standard coach script: “It was a solid team effort” and “we were solid throughout.” I didn’t care about any of that stuff because something else had attracted my attention: a very large man doing illicit things to a cigar. He was wearing what looked like a fern-patterned muumuu.

The man in the muumuu

He asked this astute question of Del Rio: “Is the quickness the key to being a better team?” Um, I don’t know much about football, but I’m going to say, “Yes.”

After we left the meat locker temps of the press conference room, we went to the actual locker rooms. The Titans’ one was quite wee and covered in discarded knee, elbow and ankle wraps. The Jaguars’ one is like the Taj Mahal. While I was writing down that note, Ed told me to look over his shoulder. And there was the tight end of a corner back. It was Ed’s way of making me more aware and cautious. And I was. I took a lot of notes so that I could better avert my eyes.

The players exhibit a lot more patience with people in their space when they are naked than I would. One TV guy was doing live shots — live shots! — in the locker room. They may be used to it, but I’m certainly not.

Fern muumuu was roaming around and gnawing his cigar. He is about 5-feet-4-inches tall and wide, and makes a “Where the Wild Things Are”-style cacophony when he walks.

Ed has one cardinal rule regarding locker room interviews: He won’t interview a player until he is dressed. The player, that is, not Ed. I would think Ed is usually fully dressed. Meanwhile, I’m standing next to the bins of sweaty shorts and towels, and I start to feel lightheaded. Then the hot dog asks to be released. I need to leave.

Ed follows shortly thereafter and we head home. He asks me if I’ve had a good time. I reply that every experience makes a good story.