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Posts Tagged ‘Bureaucrats’

Open letter to homophobes

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , on March 8, 2011| 32 Comments »

Dear Straight Brethren (or Closeted Brethren Pretending to be Straight) Who Oppose Gay Marriage:

I want to talk to you about something very important. I’d like to think that we’re all reasonable adults, and I hope you can open your mind to the points I am about to make.

We both know that it really isn’t our business whom gay people marry or if they marry at all.  Their desire and ability to marry have no effect on my marriage or yours any more than Charlie Sheen’s “marriages” have.

Before you bring up the so-called “sanctity of marriage,” let me remind you about Larry King, who is on his seventh wife. You don’t seem to care about him (or Tiger and his traveling tool), but you seem to be squawking loudly about the Defense of Marriage Act. Defense of Marriage? Really? We need a defense for an institution that is all about individual choice? People are going to choose it or not choose it, be happy or unhappy, make a mess of it or not make a mess, and no legislation can do anything about that.

So what we are talking about here is discrimination. Let me remind you that gay people pay taxes. They’ve essentially paid for legislation that discriminates against them. That sucks. We’re talking about human beings who have just as much right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as we do. If they aren’t treated equally under the (tax-funded) law, maybe they shouldn’t have to pay taxes. Uh oh.

Please don’t talk to me about the Bible. You can’t use the Bible for two reasons:

  1. If you are going to adhere to one passage, you have to adhere to the whole thing. Should we start stoning adulterers? Maybe we can start with Newt Gingrich. (You know the Bible also says divorce is wrong.) Don’t get me started on why literal interpretations of the Bible are a bad thing in general. Even the Vatican doesn’t advocate a literal interpretation, and you know how I feel about the pope.
  2. There’s this crazy thing we have here in America called “separation of church and state.” I know it isn’t very convenient sometimes, but there it is. So don’t allow gay people marry each other in your church if you think homosexuality is a sin. That’s fine. But civil unions should be available to give same-sex couples access to state-created rights. You know, the states they pay to operate through tax dollars.

The choices any people make in their personal lives do not affect me at all — unless, of course, they choose to attack me or my family physically, or rob us, or something like that. And that’s when the law should get involved.

You know what does affect me, affect us? Misuse of tax money. Cuts in education. Poor road maintenance. National dependence on oil. I could go on, but I won’t. You are reasonable. You get my point.

Can we please focus on legislation that truly affects how we live our lives?

Let’s be reasonable.

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Words for the week (weak?)

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , , on January 28, 2011| 4 Comments »

Writing a dissertation is a marathon, not a sprint. For me, it is a marathon that also includes deviations off the path to experience some waterboarding, flaying and pillorying.

There is a special place in hell reserved for the people who devise the rules, regulations and procedures governing thesis projects and dissertations at state universities.

But enough about that. I have plenty of time to complain about the dissertation process over the next three months. Let’s talk about something fun — like words that I love.

Hobo
This is a great word I’ve managed to use twice this week. I imagine plenty of stubble, patches, and a stick holding belongings tied in a kerchief — the whole nine yards.

Raggedy
Straight up to’ up. I also like “rickety.”

Ghastly
I use it when “horrible” just won’t do.

Barf
Succinct and illustrative.

Sycophant
It says so much more than “brown-noser” or “flatterer” could. I’ve only used this once this week, but there’s still time.

Hmmm … I see a theme emerging. Must be my general mental state. See first two sentences.

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Publication envy

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010| 1 Comment »

I must confess that I am jealous of Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson. “Who are they?” you might ask. If you did, then you are not one of the dozen or so people who have sent me the link to all the coverage of their amazing book, “The Great Typo Hunt.”

I used to read their blog, but now the blog seems more focused on their amazing book tour. A book tour. For writing a book about noticing and fixing typos. SIGH.

Maybe someday “Eats, Shoots and Lays” will be a book. But until then, I must be satisfied with noting errors on a small scale.

Lucky me, there is no shortage of errors.

In today’s mail, there was a doozy:

AFLAC is a fairly big company, no? So they must have some senior folks in charge of their unsolicited mailings. Well, whoever these folks are, they need to revisit the rules for apostrophes.

I’ll go a little easier on the produce manager at Piggly Wiggly because the mistake is not quite as public. (It didn’t go through the U.S. mail on the cover of an envelope.)

Hmm … “Beefstake” tomatoes. Like really chunky, flavorful tomatoes grown on a piece of wood stuck in the ground? Or like “beefcake” — muscular, handsome tomatoes? Oh it’s a darn heterograph tripping up our friend in produce. “Beefsteak” is the word he/she needs.

Speaking of public, this is about as public as it gets:

Stay classy, North Carolina!

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Sign language

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on July 15, 2010| 1 Comment »

I received a forwarded e-mail with the subject line “I think Beth might like this one.”

It’s true. I do.

The e-mail originated with Jason, significant other of frequent contributor Shane Marshall Brown. And here is the photo:

Seen in Kalamazoo, Michigan

That sounds like an offer I can’t refuse. I could use $7,500 and 15 extra years. I wonder what kind of injury qualifies. Maybe a small flesh wound? I’m not so much into killing …

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BP stands for Bad PR

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2010| 11 Comments »

Oh, the irony in this sign at a BP station in Ohio. If I spilled anything at that station, I’d take my cue from the head of BP and I’d pretend it wasn’t that bad, blame everyone else, and then not let anyone else give me ideas on how to clean it up.

Tony Hayward, have you learned nothing from those unfortunate CEOs who have come before you in crisis? Apparently.

One of the topics I cover in my Promotional Writing class is crisis management. Crisis is nothing new, so there are plenty of case studies. Why don’t people learn from the mistakes of others?

Good crisis management: Tylenol in the ’80s, Hugh Grant, Jim Joyce. Bad crisis management: Tylenol in the ’00s, Tiger Woods, Exxon. Horrible crisis management: BP has no equal.

Here is how you handle a crisis in three easy steps:

  1. Talk to the media immediately and regularly.
  2. Apologize.
  3. Make it right by fixing the problem and compensating the victims.

BP has done none of these things. In fact, they’ve pretty much done the opposite of what they should have done. Who is advising these people?

And they keep making it worse in so many ways. One of those ways is that they are not allowing media to document the situation. Don’t they understand that they are squandering a prime opportunity to salvage their reputation? They could show the world what they are doing to fix the problem.

Unless, of course, they don’t really want to show what they are doing.

Hmmm…

I’ll leave you with this image, and the knowledge that I’ll never buy from BP again.

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When duty calls

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on June 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Warning: This post is fairly long, and without benefit of lots of links, images, videos, bullet points or any other means to break up the text. Just preparing you for the  story of my day in court.

Court. Right. So, I had jury duty today. Unlike the other dozens of times that I got the card and the court folks never got to my number, this time I had to go. I filed into a room with about 100 other people. I was Juror 7, seated between an Armstrong cop and an oldish bodybuilder.

The lady in charge told us that we were being considered for two civil cases and a mélange of criminal cases. Oh goody!

Background: I used to cover the cop and court beat for the station I worked for and I LOVED IT. I must have been weaned to a diet of “Perry Mason.” I commune with Judge Mathis every chance I get.

I think it is because I’m nosy. You’ve got some issues? I want to hear all about them.

That’s why I became a reporter in the first place.

Civil Case No. 1

Anyway, the first case was a car accident — a rear-ender with extenuating circumstances. The plaintiff and defendant (and their lawyers) came into the courtroom, and they looked angry. If I were either of them, I’d be all smiley and friendly looking. You know, to try to get the jury on my side.

Not these two. The plaintiff was an older woman wearing lots of makeup to hide what looked like many lunch dates with the plastic surgeon. And there was the boob job. All that work still couldn’t hide the haughty.

The defendant was barely out of the womb and looked very tightly wound. Maybe she was just scared out of her mind of the plastic lady at the other table.

The plaintiff’s lawyer asked us a number of questions, such as if we were State Farm policy holders (!) or were related to a policy holder. (As if I would know! It isn’t like I talk insurance with the in-laws.). He also asked us if we knew or were related to the defendant or her lawyer.

The defendant’s lawyer asked us if we knew the plaintiff, her lawyer or the plaintiff’s ex-husband [name redacted]. Or the plaintiff’s other ex-husband. Or the other one. Or that other one. Bodybuilder lady turned to me and said, “Is that four?” “Yep,” I replied. “Plus the one she’s got now” (evidenced by the different last name). And then the lawyer asked about one more. So Unpleasant Plaintiff was up to Husband Six. Wow.

The defendant’s lawyer then asked if we knew a particular doctor, one who specializes in TMJ. So the accident caused TMJ in the plaintiff? Not the stress of being an angry harpy who can’t keep a husband? Oooookaaay.

I was not chosen as a juror for this case. Maybe it was because I kind of laughed about the sixth husband.

Civil Case No. 2

The next case featured Redneck No. 1 and Redneck No. 2, who wanted the court to sort out their tangled love life, and decide whether they were indeed married in a common law union. And if so, could the court please grant them a divorce, divide the property, and allow the woman to have child support and alimony?

Georgia hasn’t recognized common law marriages since Jan. 1, 1997, but that doesn’t matter because Ms. Plunging Neckline and Mr. Jeans and a Polo have been together for 20 years and have two children.

She says they are married, because she wants the money and the stuff. He says they aren’t, because he wants his money and stuff.

And Jeans’ lawyer noted that if it is a marriage, then the jury can’t award alimony if the wife committed adultery. Oh, and do we know Neckline’s “new friend,” Mr. So-and-So? He’s seated in the back, sporting a deep, dark tanning bed glow and frosty tips.

How could Neckline’s lawyer let this pass? He was probably thinking about cookies and milk and a nap. I doubt he was out of Pampers. I have underwear older than he is.

I wasn’t chosen as a juror for this trial either. I think it is because I didn’t stand up when Pampers asked who believed the husband should always take care of the wife, and the wife should not work outside the home. Um, I’m not quitting my job, Dude.

Criminal docket

After a two-hour lunch (a two-hour lunch), we cooled our jets in the courtroom for another hour while the judge tried to get the criminal defendants to plea out and avoid a trial. It worked, and we were released at 3 p.m. I am a whopping $25 richer, and I have this lovely story to tell.

I have to admit I was a little hurt that no one chose me for jury duty. The cop tried to make me feel better by saying it was because I put “professor” as my occupation. He said they don’t like educated people on the jury because educated people are more likely to be able to see through the bullshit.

I don’t know about that. Maybe I just looked happily married.

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One beeellion dollars!

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , on May 17, 2010| Leave a Comment »

There was a rumor making the rounds that the Dow Jones industrial average nosedived 1,000 points in 15 minutes because some fool mistyped “billion” instead of “million” for an order to sell.

It appears that wasn’t the case, but it was nice to see people pay attention to the power of the error. Even CNN’s Bob Greene weighed in on the subject.

I guess I’m one of those “stodgy, ancient, out of touch” folks who become visibly upset over things like grammar and punctuation errors.

My friend Angela Murphy Hendrix knows it. She’s the one who sent me the link. Thanks, Angela!

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Gay people want to destroy the world

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2010| 11 Comments »

I may need to stop reading the paper. It’s not good for my blood pressure.

This time it is not because of a Savannah Morning News error, but rather an article that is printed on page 12A. It was a small piece, but it had a large effect on me.

Warning: If you are Catholic, or a pope supporter in general, you might want to stop reading now. I’m about to write some not-so-nice things about the pontiff.

According to the SMN article (The New York Times has a larger, better overview), Pope Benedict XVI told Catholic social workers, health providers and some others assembled for a Mass in Fatima, Portugal, that abortion and same-sex marriage were two of the most “insidious and dangerous” threats facing the world today.

Really? Happy gay people are a threat to the world?

Not child abuse? Really?

Ben, let’s talk. I know you are in a world of hurt trying to pretend that you don’t need to deal with your big, fat scandal, but you cannot throw us off the scent.

I know you don’t have kids, so you might not get it, but children are sponges. They soak up all the good and bad that they see, hear and feel. So if a bishop is letting his little bishop run free all over 10-year-old hide, there is a problem. And that is going to affect that child forever.

If you believe that killing children (even still as a fetus) is wrong, then how could you not see abuse as one of the biggest threats to the world? There are thousands and thousands of children who have been abused by priests and others in the Catholic Church and likely will suffer psychological, emotional and physical effects. According to the American Psychological Association, children who have been abused have an increased risk for:

  • Depression
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Dissociative and anxiety disorders
  • Eating disorders
  • Poor self-esteem
  • Somatization (the expression of distress in physical symptoms)
  • Chronic pain
  • Behavioral problems including sexualized behavior, school/learning problems, substance abuse, destructive behavior, sexual dysfunction in adulthood, criminality in adulthood
  • Suicide

Barbara E. Bogorad, Psy.D., founder and former director of the Sexual Abuse Recovery Program Unit of South Oaks Hospital in New York wrote:

Abused children are 53% more likely to be arrested as juveniles, and 38% more likely to be arrested for a violent crime. During preschool years, abused children are more likely to get angry, refuse direction from teachers, and lack enthusiasm. By the time they reach grade school, they are more prone to being easily distracted, lacking in self-control, and not well-liked by peers.

But it is same-sex marriage you choose to target as the problem?

Yes, there is a problem. And he is wearing a pointy hat.

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A “new” post

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on February 28, 2010| Leave a Comment »

I know I haven’t posted in a few days. Too much going on. I apologize. Let me make it up to you with the following photo.

Why is “one” in quotation marks on the sign? Is it because they are trying to be cute with counting?

OK, then what about the other sign up the road:

God wants “full” custody, not just weekend visitation.

Why is “full” in quotation marks? Perhaps this blogger can explain.

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Support the troops. Here’s why.

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on February 19, 2010| 8 Comments »

This post has nothing to do with chickens, grammar, superheroes, or any of my usual topics. I won’t even talk about my dissertation proposal defense right now. All that stuff pales in comparison to this:

http://www.fotoglif.com/f/3ec1v4zmvtfh

Searching an empty house Feb. 18 in Marja, Afghanistan

The Marine on the right is my nephew, Lt. Mark Greenlief (my husband’s brother’s daughter’s husband, if you can follow the dancing apostrophes). He is executive officer of Bravo Company, part of the 1st Battalion of the 6th Marine Regiment.

Mark and his troops are dealing with a new edict in the war in Afghanistan: no airstrikes unless troops are about to be overrun, or they can prove that there are no civilians around. The reason for the edict is that the Afghan people were starting to withdraw support for the fight against the Taliban because of the civilian casualties. For more information, read this article.

Fine. But that is scary shit (if I can be so crass) for the Marines who are on the front lines.

I don’t care who you voted for or what your political leanings are; there are good people laying their lives on the line because some elected officials told them they had to. No, they didn’t have to join in the first place, but they did because they thought it was the right thing for them to do. And we should be thankful for what they are doing, regardless if we think they should be there in the first place.

Thank you, Mark, and everyone in the armed forces.

Thanks also to the families they left behind. How would you like to have one toddler and be seven months pregnant with the second son, and your husband is off in a sandbox being shot at for who knows how long for people who don’t even seem to know or care about the war? That’s my niece’s life in Camp Lejeune — far away from all her family and his. She’s got her act together enough to manage this Facebook group, which is pretty impressive.

Thank you, Nina, and all the families of the troops.

If all that doesn’t give you a knot in your stomach, then I don’t know what will.

Semper Fi.

Photo credit: http://www.fotoglif.com/f/3ec1v4zmvtfh

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