Hey kids!
Auntie Beth wants to share some travel advice to distract you from A VERY BIG THING happening today.
If you like near-death experiences, the pervasive smell of weed, and 20-somethings in beanies, Auntie Beth has the place for you:
Oregon’s Umpqua Hot Springs
Soak Oregon will put the fear of God in you: “The last few miles [to the trail head] are on a rough road, so we recommend a high-clearance vehicle.”
Don’t pay any attention to that. (Auntie Beth nearly rented a Jeep. She would have been PISSED OFF if she had wasted that money. She was totally fine in her tiny, low-clearance VW.)
Soak Oregon also warns, “This trail is steep.”
Do pay attention to that.
The part that has a makeshift hand rail does not need it, and the part that absolutely does need one does NOT.
Auntie Beth tripped on a tree root and nearly toppled backward onto her man friend, which would surely have sent him to his death (not that she is being dramatic in any way).
There should have been warnings about other things.
• Facilities. The U.S. Forest Service notes a vault toilet on site. It does not mention that the smell emanating from it is akin to a fleet of porta potties after Lollapalooza.
• The horde of hippies. It was just after lunch on a Tuesday. Auntie Beth had taken the day off. Had all these young people done the same thing? Or was this their job as “influencers” or something? There were so many of them — probably 40 total in pods of five and six — clogging all the pools.
• Dress code. Auntie Beth had been warned that Oregon hot springs are nakie. She was resigned to her derobed destiny. What she found might have been worse: the entire Columbia Sportswear catalog.
• Pot. The Hot Springs Hippies LOVED them some weed. Auntie Beth is no square, but does not understand the allure of smoking when edibles exist. (Don’t people care about their lungs?) Also, secondhand smoke is AWFUL. So skunky.
With rising concern (i.e., panic) about the hike back down, a burgeoning pot-induced headache, and general distaste for crowds, Auntie Beth felt the need to cut her visit short.
No fewer than two wannabe travel guides insisted that Auntie Beth and Man Friend should explore the lower pools.
“No, thank you.”
If this sounds like your idea of a good time, ENJOY!
One of the locals Auntie Beth met at the nearby convenience store did say that the time to go is first thing in the morning as no one is there.
(Right. That’s because it is SO VERY COLD outside.)
Anyway, tell them Auntie Beth sent you.
Observe and report 