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Posts Tagged ‘Out of the house’

Meet my new roommate #Caturday

Posted in Home Sweet Home, tagged , , , , , , , , , on March 12, 2022| 3 Comments »

Dear Gladys,

I enjoyed meeting you for five minutes outside the Greenville, S.C., airport as I adopted your cat son Leo. Thank you for posting him on a rescue site and choosing me as his new parent.

He’s not happy. At all.

You may have saved my sanity. Seriously.

As I mentioned, I’ve been living alone for a few months — visiting family when I can.

Those after-dinner hours (7-9 p.m.) are really quiet/lonely. I can only watch just so much “Ozark” and “Great British Baking Show.” And my house is VERY clean.

Isolation has breathed life into my workaholic side, for sure. Plus, I took on a freelance project and am taking courses online toward various credentials.

Still.

I found myself talking to — and responding to — myself. Out loud. Uh oh.

And I missed taking care of critters (i.e., Dominic and Gideon).

I haven’t had a pet in 11 years. It’s been 16 since I’ve had a cat. That’s weird in itself, as I had a cat or cats my whole life. At one point, Eddie and I had four dogs and four cats.

We had a temporary cat at the time of this Christmas card photo, and Maggie the Boxer hadn’t joined us yet. The photo gives you an idea of the craziness, though.

I’ve been wanting a Sphynx for more than five years — haunting rescue sites because I wasn’t about to spend more than $2K on a damn cat.

Luckily, you started to travel more and felt guilty about boarding him all the time.

So now he’s mine. Traumatized, but mine.

Things are going great.

He is aggressively cuddly. He gets right in my face. Breathing in my mouth to steal my soul.

And has to be ON ME at all times.

I mean. LOOK AT HIM.

Look at this FOOT!

I don’t know how you were able to give him up, but I’m so glad you did.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Beth, Leo’s new mom

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Gimme Three Steps Back #ThursdayToxins #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Cultural differences, Music, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2022| 6 Comments »

Dear Kara,

I was SO HAPPY to see you Saturday night.

In general, of course, but also because you too wanted to wear a mask to see our brother Lodell play in his Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band.

Diamond Music Hall was SOMETHING ELSE.

I had no idea this place had COVID repellent. They need to bottle it and sell it.

I mean, CLEARLY they have some kind of protection because there were 4,352 people inside and no mask in sight.

Yikes!

I walked in and started hyperventilating. I told Lodell that he’d be the last person I’d see pre-infection.

It was a super-spreader event, for sure. Great for the band to have so many fans. Not great for my health.

But you showed up and normalized mask wearing.

The fear is real.

I am grateful.

I’m also oddly grateful to the nearby couple who decided a Southern rock show was a good place to practice the dance moves they learned after Bible study.

They were fascinating.

And Freebird USA put on a great show.

I’m a fan.

I’m willing to go out again, but only if you are with me in mask solidarity.

Deal?

Your sister,
Beth

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GOAT guest travelogue #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2022| 2 Comments »

Dear Goat Yoga Lisa:

Thanks for being my first non-family visitor to test out the guest room! I’m glad it was during the ramp-up to Mardi Gras, but sorry there was still snow and ice all over. (Especially sorry for the Missouri drivers and the shards of ice flying off their cars.)

Having you in town was a great excuse to visit the Gateway Arch — the iconic monument I hadn’t explored since moving here.

Tiny Terror that you are, we had to explore my neighborhood bar too.

And also my neighbor’s ice-cream shop.

And Taste of Soulard — my neighborhood’s neighbor.

I enjoyed meeting your cousin Claire!

That’s where we saw interesting people like this guy.

I wonder if he knows that portable Bluetooth speakers exist.

And a goat who is the GOAT.

And racing weiners.

I promise a more comfortable sleeper sofa the next time you visit. And that I will have become a regular, “Cheers” style at the local bar.

Love and kisses!

Your fren,
Beth

P.S. Thanks for the hostess gift. I wouldn’t call me “sweet” by any stretch of the imagination, but I appreciate it.

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A beautiful day for a neighbor* #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Home Sweet Home, tagged , , , on February 17, 2022| 2 Comments »

Dear Neighbor Lady,

We did not start off on the right foot. And then I didn’t actually meet you for weeks after I moved in. When I did, it consisted of you hollering “Hello, I’m your neighbor!” from your car.

That was fine. I had resigned myself to not really having a relationship with you. Plus, Kate on the other side has been PLENTY of neighbor for me.

But then I happened to come in the front door with some groceries, as opposed to the back. And you appeared on your front porch at the same time. You wanted to warn me about porch pirates, and let me know you put a package of mine in the side yard.

Me: Thank you for that. This move has been hard enough without people stealing packages too.

We looked at each other for a few beats. Blinked.

You: For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that.

And that’s all it took. All I needed for everything to be OK.

As it turns out, we had both asked our real-estate agents if we could have a conversation just ourselves. We were denied. By your agent.

You: I really think we could have worked it out if we could have just talked to each other.

We ended up spending about 30 minutes on our porches chatting. And then set up brunch, where we talked for nearly two hours.

You are a badass bitch, and I’m a fan.

All the trouble is water under the bridge.

Looking forward to getting to know you better!

Your Friend at 1415,
Beth

*I miss Fred Rogers.

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Government games #SuperStrain #SundayStories

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2022| 2 Comments »

Dear State of Missouri Government:

LAWD have mercy. Y’all make being street legal SO DIFFICULT. Worse BY FAR than Georgia, and I didn’t think that was possible.

My suggestion for a new Missouri slogan: More backwards than Georgia.

Let’s recap:

I bought a car. In Ohio. The finance company owns the title. (So I thought, because that’s what the dealership said.)

Your tag office wanted me to have the finance company fill out a special form, have it notarized and sent back to me so I could take it to you.

Your tag office also wanted me to get a property tax waiver.

Your tag office sent me here:

It came pre-highlighted!

But they needed the form from the finance company too.

I spent two weeks trying to get a human being at the finance company to help me. No luck.

Then one day I come home from work, and there’s a FEDEX envelope on my welcome mat.

It’s from the dealership. It’s my official car title. Sitting RIGHT THERE in front of my door for the world to take.

Good LORD!

So I make an appointment and go back to the highlighted office.

Nope.

That’s the COUNTY office. I need St. Louis CITY. Downtown.

The County office gave me a helpful slip with the info.

Fine.

I take all my paperwork and go to City Hall.

It’s not Room 110.

It’s Room 115.

Room 115. Let’s take a closer look at that sign.
I can assure you that there are no cards anywhere. There also isn’t a suggestion box.

Once I got the waiver, I went to Room 111 to get the actual tag.

My view while waiting for service.

Then I waited again to get my Missouri driver’s license. Y’all charged me $28 for the privilege. And took two hours of my life.

Good news: It’s over. Lamar and I are legal.

(Lamar is my “new” whip. 😉 He and I are getting along just fine. But I did cry when the junkyard came to get my old girl.)

But I now see exactly why so many people here drive around with temporary tags.

Please add that suggestion box. I’ve got thoughts.

Your exasperated new neighbor,
Beth

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Cold as ice* (because it is) #FridayFeeling

Posted in Home Sweet Home, tagged , , , , , on February 11, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Dear Snow,

I love you. I do. I just don’t know what to do with you yet.

I got home from Costa Rica to plenty of you.

There’s a snowdrift in my backyard!
At least two toasted raviolis deep.

I didn’t even own a snow shovel until yesterday.

Lime green, no less!

Interestingly, I apparently wasn’t alone in that: St. Louis was all sold out. I had to go to Illinois to find one.

I waited too long, though. You had morphed to ice in many places.

This was the best I could do.

Now I know why people have heart attacks shoveling snow.

Anyway, I’m better prepared for next time.

Hope to see you again soon!

Your friend,
Beth

*Yes, that’s a Foreigner nod.

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Pura vida* away from pura nieve #SundayStories

Posted in Travel, tagged , , , , , , on February 10, 2022| 2 Comments »

Dear Kathy Lou Who, aka Spot, aka Mother Dearest, aka Mom:

Thanks so much for inviting me on your trip to Costa Rica with Sister Kara, and your friends Sharon and Brad (aka Bardo). Though you, Kara and Aunt Beth visited me in Atlanta for Mother’s Day last year, this is our first trip together.

I admit that I was a little sad to miss the huge winter storm in St. Louis (it would have been my first). Then I saw these stats: Missouri State Highway Patrol responded to 1,578 stranded drivers and 556 crashes.

Now, my Southern ass wouldn’t have been driving around in that. But Brother Lodell sent video of his freshly shoveled driveway re-covered with another five or six inches of snow.

I don’t have a snow shovel.

So.

It’s best we are here.

No snow. Ever.

And Juancho’s Rancho via Airbnb doesn’t suck either.

Except for the couch. The couch sucks. The couch sucks HARD because it IS hard.

WTF, Juancho?! This is like a park bench!

We had to get a cushion for this monstrosity.

It was nice to meet Juancho. He’s MUCH YOUNGER than any of us expected. A bit of a hottie too. He suggested we go into Jaco for dinner, but you weren’t having it.

You: Not tonight, Juancho.
Me (suggestively): Not tonight, Juancho.
Kara: Said no one ever.

Kara and I went to bed laughing most nights. Why? Because of stuff like this (so stupid):

The way of life here is much slower than anything American. While waiting for breakfast to be served, Brad and I had plenty of time to notice our surroundings.

Braclets AND necklesses? Wow.

And debate the differences among words.

Por ejemplo:
Homeless=circumstantial, not a choice
Hobo=homeless with a goal
Bum=homeless without a goal

Thank you for letting Kara and me retire to the AC and the dark like mole creatures when we were done peopling for a while.

And there was much rejoicing on the last day when I finally saw a monkey.

Infinite sadness in those eyes. Probably because there’s no monkey dental plan.

Anyway, it was great. Thanks again for the invitation. Let’s do it again next year!

Love,
Beth

*The Costa Rican phrase and way of life

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No kicks on Route 66 (among other routes) #ThursdayThoughts

Posted in Advice, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2022| 3 Comments »

Dear Missouri Drivers,

I’m so glad I learned to drive in Atlanta where Nascar has nothing on I-285. If I hadn’t, there’s no way I would have been prepared for you.

Perhaps you didn’t get any drivers education. Let me help.

Pro Tip 1
People getting onto the highway need to be able to merge. Let them in, for crying out loud!

Pro Tip 2
When someone has his/her/their turn signal on, that means the person wants to get over. Oh but wait, none of you seems to know what that is.

Pro Tip 3
The turn signal is a lever on your steering wheel that, when activated, lets other drivers know you want to make a turn or get into a different lane. You are in the Show Me state, so show me your freakin’ turn signal.

Pro Tip 4
It’s helpful to other drivers for you to pick a lane and STAY IN IT. Weaving in and out is annoying and dangerous.

Pro Tip 5
The posted speed limit is not a suggestion. It’s the max. It’s right there on the sign!

Maybe y’all drive this way to avoid all the potholes and road damage.

Seriously, these roads are about as bad as the ones I had the misfortune of driving in Antigua. That’s saying something.

Please, for the love of God, think of your fellow drivers.

I thank you from the bottom of my wheel wells.

Beth

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New year, new drama #SundayStories #SobStorySunday

Posted in Random, Travel, tagged , , , , , on January 9, 2022| 7 Comments »

Y’all.

My 2021 was A YEAR. You know: You read about it.

As my new/old mom said, “It has not gone smoothly for you.”

No.

It went out with a bang, too.

Remember I had to have my car towed?

Well. Jeff, my service advisor, shared bad news with me the Monday after Christmas.

It’s dead. As in “needs a new motor” dead. “More than $6,000 to get it going” dead.

And the “new” engine has 123K miles on it.

My car is a 2008 VW Eos with 185K miles on it. It’s worth a third of the repair cost.

So. The new year will feature a new car.

But I’ve spent all my money on moving and a house. As you all know.

I don’t want a car payment and higher insurance.

My university is closed between Christmas and New Year’s Day, so I had time to investigate.

I found a newer version of my car for a very reasonable price.

Hello there!

The only hitch? It’s in Ohio. Sasha at the dealership said it would take four weeks to ship it.

No, no, no.

I’m writing this on a plane to Columbus. I’ll meet my car by noon, and we will bond on the nearly seven-hour drive back to St. Louis.

Wish me luck!
Beth

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Take a test. Take a test. Take a MF test.* #Stopthespread #SundayStories

Posted in Advice, Parenting, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2021| 3 Comments »

Dear People with “Just a Cold,”

Maybe you do have a cold. But also, you might have COVID. Let’s recap the Omicron symptoms:

  • Cough
  • Fatigue or tiredness
  • Congestion and runny nose

That’s right: Also symptoms of a cold.

So before you get around anyone, TAKE A COVID TEST. They are available in stores (you can use your FSA/HSA), and there are free testing sites all over the place.

If it’s positive, ISOLATE, FFS.

And let’s be clear: You shouldn’t be around anyone if you have a cold either.

It’s because of one of you that my son and sister in law had a lonely Christmas.

Gideon hung out with some friends. Two days later, he didn’t feel well. Typical cold symptoms. We sent him to his room. Tested him: positive. Then Eddie, Dominic and I tested ourselves: negative. We waited a day. Tested again. Negative. Waited. Tested. Negative.

Only then did we feel like we were safe to be around other people.

Even though we didn’t have any symptoms.

See how that works? Protecting others?

We just tested again to be safe.

Waiting for results
Still negative

But Christmas 2021 is the one Gideon will remember as the one where we made him wear what amounted to a HazMat suit to open his gifts.

Poor Positive Gideon

I haven’t ever gotten Coronavirus [knocks wood], and I don’t plan to get it. I’m not taking chances.

The bottom line: If you think you have a cold, get tested anyway. Don’t be a Typhoid Mary.

Somehow this manages to sum up this Christmas.

Kthxbyeeee,
Beth

* To the tune of this classic.

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