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Posts Tagged ‘Peeves’

Somebody’s watching me

Posted in Chickens, tagged , , , , , , , on July 7, 2010| 5 Comments »

I haven’t posted about the chickens, Shelly and Jeanne, for a while.

It’s because I hate them.

They started it. They hated me first.

It doesn’t help that they are so much stinkier and messier than Trish was.

But they do seem more interested in me lately. They haven’t run quite as fast when I come out to give them food and water. And they’ve been peering in the window of the playroom, almost as if they are interested in what’s going on inside the house.

Jeanne and Shelly, Peeping Hens

But as they are looking in, certain someones are looking out.

Dinner!

This does not bode well.

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Oh the humanity!

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , on July 2, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Eddie and his friend Eggy are in outdoor clean-up mode in preparation for Brokeback Weekend. The kids were driving me batty inside, so Sophia (Eggy’s wife) and I decided to take Ava, their daughter, and Dominic and Gideon on an adventure: We went with the McKinnons and their two kids to the water park in Statesboro.

Splash in the Boro. Oh my. Where do I begin?

There’s clearly no shortage of food within a 50-mile radius. Or tattoo ink. Or Lycra. The kids had a lovely time in the splash pool while I dodged pale lady flanks. The boys and I did enjoy the “lazy river,” even though I felt like a Cheerio in a crowded cereal bowl.

We went early, but there were still WAY too many people in one place. The good thing is that if I had any body image issues, they’re all gone now. Next time, I’m wearing a bikini too!

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“Don’t Tase me, Bro!”

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , on June 29, 2010| 2 Comments »

For weeks now, I have given a pass to Savannah Morning News and the consistent inability to be consistent in spelling a particular word.

No more.

I just can’t take another day of opening the paper and seeing this:

Every time someone at the paper writes about the incident on Tybee, the editors use “Tazed” in the headline, but allow “Tased” in the body copy. (Here’s the link to today’s article.)

The proper name of the electroshock weapon is “Taser.” So if the weapon was used on someone, the proper verb form would be “Tased.”

However, AP Style — which is apparently foreign to folks at the SMN — does not approve of verb forms at all.

Better to say, “Tybee police used a Taser on an autistic teenager May 21.”

Or if you are going to ignore AP Style, at least be consistent in spelling.

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A letter to me

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , on June 27, 2010| 11 Comments »

A former student, Elyse, suggested that I take on a particular challenge: Write a letter to my 20-something self. (She got the idea from blogger Cassie Boorn.)

OK.

The only thing is, I’m not much for regrets. All experiences — especially the bad ones — shape us and make us the people we are. I have a decent self-esteem, so I’m fine with how I turned out. If anything in my history changed, I might now be living alone in a van down by the river.

But anyway, here goes the exercise:

Dear Self:

First, the good news: You are going to turn out fine, and you’ll end up having a great job, fun husband, smart kids and good friends. Now the bad news: It won’t be an easy path to get there.

Here’s some advice:

1. Send tapes — VHS, not Betamax — out everywhere, not just stations within a four-hour radius of your boyfriend.

2. Speaking of the boyfriend, break up with him soon. Yes, he’s hilarious and treats you well, but he’s not “the one.” Make an effort to keep him as a friend. If you let the relationship limp along to the end, he’ll be hurt and never want to speak to you again. And you’ll miss his friendship.

3. Don’t date the guy who comes next. Just don’t. And because you are stubborn and won’t listen to that advice, at least listen to this: Break up after your first argument. That really is the real him and that really is how he feels. Save yourself pages and pages of journal angst.

4. Thanks for trying to be a good girl (and thank you so much for not loading us up with STDs or an unplanned pregnancy), but you really should date more people. Don’t be in a hurry to settle down into monogamy. You’ll have plenty of that later. But don’t date the stick figure or the rodeo clown. Stick figure causes more journal angst, and the rodeo clown will make you fear for your life.

5. Only have one credit card and pay off the balance each month. For the love of God, please do this. You’ll add years to our life.

6. Stop going to antique stores. You really don’t need freaky old-lady doilies, mismatched china, and costume jewelry that leaves a greenish tinge on you when you wear it. Save your money for important stuff like traveling.

7. Travel extensively. Take the summer off after college and go to Europe or Botswana or wherever. Just go. You will never be that unencumbered again. And then, when you are older and in that great job, you will try desperately to make a student named Travis heed this advice. He will look at you skeptically, and then squander his own opportunity.

8. Don’t cut your hair short. Or if you do, go to someone who knows what he/she is doing. Otherwise, you’ll look like you are wearing a wig, and you’ll want to burn every picture from this period. The only palatable one looks like this (and that hair is still really bad):

9. Wear clothes that fit. Stop wearing men’s shorts, fat-girl tunic shirts, and anything with pleats. Walk around naked more and stop being so self-conscious. You will miss that body later when you have kids and more closely resemble the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

10. Forget French. Learn Spanish.

11. Don’t let the lack of outdoor space and the two fixer-upper basement apartments scare you away from buying that townhouse on Jones Street. It’s a steal. Trust me.

12. Spend more time with your parents.

13. Practice saying “no” to people who want you to adopt strays. If you don’t, you’ll end up with four cats and four dogs, and everyone thinking you are weird/deranged/stinky.

14. Don’t mix beer with all those Wet Willie’s drinks on St. Patrick’s Day 1993. Seriously.

15. Pay more attention to the cute Puerto Rican in facilities. You’ll be happy you did.

Sincerely,

Self Plus 20

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Depression hurts, but you don’t have to

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , on June 23, 2010| 10 Comments »

Most colleges offer students the opportunity to give feedback on their classes and/or professors. The university for which I work releases the evaluations, which consist of a statistical section and a comments section, roughly two weeks after the end of the quarter.

I await the comments section with excitement laced with crippling fear. People like to be liked, and professors are people too. There is always a comment that makes me so happy I want call my boss and read it to him over the phone.

And then there is the other kind.

There’s always one student who hates my guts, or hates something about the class that I may or may not be able to change. And that negative comment lingers in my mind like the last drunk guest at a house party.

I learn from all the comments, even the ones that make me reach for the Cymbalta. I appreciate the constructive criticism, because I want my classes to be interesting, useful and fun. And I want to keep my job.

Spring quarter’s Cloud Nine comment was this one from a graduate student in the Promotional Writing class:

The case studies & examples of things that are currently happening partnered with student presentations were an excellent tool to utilize.

To the disinterested reader, this may seem like a positive, if pedestrian, comment. But to readers of this blog, this is a sentence that reveals a deliberate attempt to yank my chain (in a good way) by combining four of my pet peeves: ampersands and the words “currently,” “partnered” and “utilize.” Well done!

Spring quarter’s Cymbalta comment was this one from an undergraduate student in the Writing for the Web class:

I really wish she would explain her assignments.

Such an innocuous comment. I could accept it, except that I posted an assignment sheet for every assignment, and each sheet detailed everything I expected and how I would grade the assignment. And I went over each assignment sheet in class. Twice.

Of course, the evaluations are anonymous. I have my suspicions as to who wrote the comment, but I can’t be sure. I practically beg students to talk to me if they have problems in the class or want clarification. I wish the writer of the comment could have elaborated on what, exactly, was lacking because, in my (drunk-littered) mind, I’ve done everything I could possibly do.

Sigh.

Cymbalta, anyone?

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Family Vacation

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , , , , on June 22, 2010| 19 Comments »

As you probably noticed, I was on a blog hiatus. Eddie and I took the kids to New York, and it was too hectic to blog. I did Tweet occasionally, but that’s about it.

Here’s the reason we went:

T. Rex and the gang

The American Museum of Natural History was a big hit with the boys, and I got to see some relatives.

Mi gente

We may have spent more time in the gift shop, though, explaining to Dominic why we couldn’t buy him a $78 puppet.

And why Eddie couldn’t have a ridiculous piece of headwear. (Seriously, who buys this stuff?)

We also enjoyed the (free) Staten Island Ferry where the kids got a look at a famous landmark. They both called it the “Statue of Liverty,” which made me laugh every time.

And Times Square, of course.

We also enjoyed gazing at some interesting fashion choices on display, such as this Patternpalooza.

My eyes!

And, the clothing and hairstyle selections of a man we saw on the subway. I give you the front and side views:

But no trip with me can ever be complete without me pointing out sign mistakes.

"Neighborlines" or "neighborliness" -- which is it?

That's a creative spelling of "souvenirs."

If you combine "Belgian" and "Belgium," you have a fancy new word (No. 9).

And finally, above Eddie and Dominic, you’ll see a sign featuring another one of my pet peeves.

Seems to me that the plural of "person" is "people."

I’d give the trip a B+. A few whine outbreaks and near tantrums (not mine, believe it or not) kept the trip from being Grade A.

Now back to the regularly scheduled blogging …

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BP stands for Bad PR

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2010| 11 Comments »

Oh, the irony in this sign at a BP station in Ohio. If I spilled anything at that station, I’d take my cue from the head of BP and I’d pretend it wasn’t that bad, blame everyone else, and then not let anyone else give me ideas on how to clean it up.

Tony Hayward, have you learned nothing from those unfortunate CEOs who have come before you in crisis? Apparently.

One of the topics I cover in my Promotional Writing class is crisis management. Crisis is nothing new, so there are plenty of case studies. Why don’t people learn from the mistakes of others?

Good crisis management: Tylenol in the ’80s, Hugh Grant, Jim Joyce. Bad crisis management: Tylenol in the ’00s, Tiger Woods, Exxon. Horrible crisis management: BP has no equal.

Here is how you handle a crisis in three easy steps:

  1. Talk to the media immediately and regularly.
  2. Apologize.
  3. Make it right by fixing the problem and compensating the victims.

BP has done none of these things. In fact, they’ve pretty much done the opposite of what they should have done. Who is advising these people?

And they keep making it worse in so many ways. One of those ways is that they are not allowing media to document the situation. Don’t they understand that they are squandering a prime opportunity to salvage their reputation? They could show the world what they are doing to fix the problem.

Unless, of course, they don’t really want to show what they are doing.

Hmmm…

I’ll leave you with this image, and the knowledge that I’ll never buy from BP again.

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When duty calls

Posted in Random, tagged , , , on June 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Warning: This post is fairly long, and without benefit of lots of links, images, videos, bullet points or any other means to break up the text. Just preparing you for the  story of my day in court.

Court. Right. So, I had jury duty today. Unlike the other dozens of times that I got the card and the court folks never got to my number, this time I had to go. I filed into a room with about 100 other people. I was Juror 7, seated between an Armstrong cop and an oldish bodybuilder.

The lady in charge told us that we were being considered for two civil cases and a mélange of criminal cases. Oh goody!

Background: I used to cover the cop and court beat for the station I worked for and I LOVED IT. I must have been weaned to a diet of “Perry Mason.” I commune with Judge Mathis every chance I get.

I think it is because I’m nosy. You’ve got some issues? I want to hear all about them.

That’s why I became a reporter in the first place.

Civil Case No. 1

Anyway, the first case was a car accident — a rear-ender with extenuating circumstances. The plaintiff and defendant (and their lawyers) came into the courtroom, and they looked angry. If I were either of them, I’d be all smiley and friendly looking. You know, to try to get the jury on my side.

Not these two. The plaintiff was an older woman wearing lots of makeup to hide what looked like many lunch dates with the plastic surgeon. And there was the boob job. All that work still couldn’t hide the haughty.

The defendant was barely out of the womb and looked very tightly wound. Maybe she was just scared out of her mind of the plastic lady at the other table.

The plaintiff’s lawyer asked us a number of questions, such as if we were State Farm policy holders (!) or were related to a policy holder. (As if I would know! It isn’t like I talk insurance with the in-laws.). He also asked us if we knew or were related to the defendant or her lawyer.

The defendant’s lawyer asked us if we knew the plaintiff, her lawyer or the plaintiff’s ex-husband [name redacted]. Or the plaintiff’s other ex-husband. Or the other one. Or that other one. Bodybuilder lady turned to me and said, “Is that four?” “Yep,” I replied. “Plus the one she’s got now” (evidenced by the different last name). And then the lawyer asked about one more. So Unpleasant Plaintiff was up to Husband Six. Wow.

The defendant’s lawyer then asked if we knew a particular doctor, one who specializes in TMJ. So the accident caused TMJ in the plaintiff? Not the stress of being an angry harpy who can’t keep a husband? Oooookaaay.

I was not chosen as a juror for this case. Maybe it was because I kind of laughed about the sixth husband.

Civil Case No. 2

The next case featured Redneck No. 1 and Redneck No. 2, who wanted the court to sort out their tangled love life, and decide whether they were indeed married in a common law union. And if so, could the court please grant them a divorce, divide the property, and allow the woman to have child support and alimony?

Georgia hasn’t recognized common law marriages since Jan. 1, 1997, but that doesn’t matter because Ms. Plunging Neckline and Mr. Jeans and a Polo have been together for 20 years and have two children.

She says they are married, because she wants the money and the stuff. He says they aren’t, because he wants his money and stuff.

And Jeans’ lawyer noted that if it is a marriage, then the jury can’t award alimony if the wife committed adultery. Oh, and do we know Neckline’s “new friend,” Mr. So-and-So? He’s seated in the back, sporting a deep, dark tanning bed glow and frosty tips.

How could Neckline’s lawyer let this pass? He was probably thinking about cookies and milk and a nap. I doubt he was out of Pampers. I have underwear older than he is.

I wasn’t chosen as a juror for this trial either. I think it is because I didn’t stand up when Pampers asked who believed the husband should always take care of the wife, and the wife should not work outside the home. Um, I’m not quitting my job, Dude.

Criminal docket

After a two-hour lunch (a two-hour lunch), we cooled our jets in the courtroom for another hour while the judge tried to get the criminal defendants to plea out and avoid a trial. It worked, and we were released at 3 p.m. I am a whopping $25 richer, and I have this lovely story to tell.

I have to admit I was a little hurt that no one chose me for jury duty. The cop tried to make me feel better by saying it was because I put “professor” as my occupation. He said they don’t like educated people on the jury because educated people are more likely to be able to see through the bullshit.

I don’t know about that. Maybe I just looked happily married.

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A post with “unnecessary” quotes

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on May 22, 2010| 3 Comments »

I’m bogged down in a grading morass, so a short, grammar-related post will have to do for now. Thank you to Morgan, a fashion student who is taking my Writing for the Web class, for providing this image:

It’s a little hard to see, so let’s focus the eye.

Yep. Those are quotation marks around the city’s name. (And there may be an orphan quotation mark before “of” also. It’s hard to tell.) Is the name in question? Is it the so-called city of Savannah? Whatever it is, it is All-American, by golly.

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One beeellion dollars!

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , on May 17, 2010| Leave a Comment »

There was a rumor making the rounds that the Dow Jones industrial average nosedived 1,000 points in 15 minutes because some fool mistyped “billion” instead of “million” for an order to sell.

It appears that wasn’t the case, but it was nice to see people pay attention to the power of the error. Even CNN’s Bob Greene weighed in on the subject.

I guess I’m one of those “stodgy, ancient, out of touch” folks who become visibly upset over things like grammar and punctuation errors.

My friend Angela Murphy Hendrix knows it. She’s the one who sent me the link. Thanks, Angela!

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