Gideon left his glasses at a friend’s house. Friend and friend’s mom sent them back via UPS. They never arrived. Tracking number came up as “invalid” on phone searches. A computer search turned it up in Alpharetta. Where? I don’t know. This is all the information I had:
Left at the front desk WHERE in Alpharetta? Friend and mom shipped from Brookhaven to Gideon in Savannah! (Note: Brookhaven is 20 miles away from Alpharetta, and both are more than 270 miles from Savannah.)
So I filed a claim.
A month went by with no answer.
I emailed you.
This is what you said:
Shan K., I can ASSURE you it was not delivered to the address.
I wrote back. (I TRIED to call, but was hung up on TWICE.)
Then Ana Z got involved.
The delivery address was correct. I confirmed that with friend and friend’s mom and THE ACTUAL RECEIPT.
They sent it from Brookhaven. The package ended up in Alpharetta.
There are EIGHT UPS stores in Alpharetta.
I called ALL EIGHT stores looking for a Richard who was working there in March. The LAST store I called was the only one with a Richard. He happened to be working when I called.
Oh, yeah. It’s right here.
He confirmed that the address was correct. And then CHARGED me to have it resent.
Why? Because the package was sent originally from a different store. UPS stores are franchises. So Alpharetta is not responsible for Brookhaven.
So to recap:
The first driver was lazy as hell. (Mailing address was accurate.)
The claims process is a joke. (No updates/information.)
Your customer service is beyond laughable. (Didn’t actually do anything and gave conflicting information.)
I’m out $11.68 and time out of my life to deal with this hassle. (Evidence of your sucktitude.)
I paid the ransom money, and it arrived Friday.
YOU should have tracked down this package for me. I should not have had to call EIGHT stores to find one with an employee named Richard. And I want my $11.68 back.
I see my friends posting about prom and honor societies and college visits and whatnot. Though part of me wishes you wanted the traditional high school milestones, most of me loves that you are doing things your own way.
For example, you eschewed the actual prom to have your own prom in a friend’s back yard. (Props to that mom: She did a great job!)
This is a fancy party! (Photo credit: Petra McKinnon)
And no one seemed to care about dates. It was one big friend group.
Girls seem to be an afterthought, which is fine by me. I’m not ready to be a grandma! I do wonder if I’m somehow a gang mom. What are those signs they are throwing? (Photo credit: Petra McKinnon)
I’m surprised there were real suits. You two had threatened to go to Actual Prom in your Spider-Man costumes.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, I guess. It’s really par for the course for you and your pals. After all, this is how you go to school:
And how you go to Target:
I don’t know how you can go shopping. You spent all your money on a Batsuit.
My son, The Batman
It’s movie quality. It should be for the amount of money the two of you spent. (I still can’t believe you chipped in, Gideon.)
But you know what? You AREN’T spending money on drugs.
Your habits are nerdy and wholesome. I’m a fan.
And Dominic, you’ve been a Bat fan for your whole life, so I’m not surprised.
Uh oh. You spotted the Joker!
I love you both very much. And I love that you are individuals.
Thanks for going on a road trip with me to bring Eddie some stuff that ended up with me in St. Louis.
It was a great bonding experience for you and your new brother.
It took nearly 16 hours of driving (should have been 12), but we made it manageable with stops in Chattanooga (no time for towing, sadly) and Atlanta (so you could harass all your school friends).
Barb the Minivan (rental) served us well. She was spacious enough to allow for a litter box for Leo’s bathroom breaks.
It turns out that he’s good on car trips.
Just so everyone knows, I don’t usually put clothes on pets. But Leo is naked, and it was cold when we left St. Louis.
So thank you for making the trip with Leo and me. Next time, I promise we will stop in at a ridiculous museum that will amuse us both.
I was so happy to see you and your brother this weekend. Gideon is pubescing HARD, so I didn’t see him much. You, though? Plenty of contact. The whole “Peacemaker” series so far, as one gauge of time.
(Five stars. Would recommend. Would recommend for the awkward dance routine intro alone.)
I loved spending time with you.
I do want to say I’m having a really hard time keeping my mouth shut about your hair.
It’s a tension as old as time: Parents disapproving of hairstyles. Or lack thereof.
But look:
What animal died on your head, Dominic? And can I taxidermy it instead?
I know, I know: A girl (or maybe two) said it looked good.
And here we are.
I don’t know why you care what a girl says. You clearly aren’t interested in dating at the moment.
I mean, you quickly shut one girl down about prom. Full stop.
Poor thing. You don’t even have her saved as a contact in your phone!
(Also, what the heck, Dominic?!?)
Are you sure you’re MY son?
But you know, I love that you and your friends are into something so wholesome. Spider-Man fandom is infinitely preferable to any typical teenage interest.
I’m a fan. (Not of Spider-Man — please* — but of you and your friends.)
I love you, and I’ll see you soon. Mama
*Look. Listen. He’s one of my least favorite characters in the Marvel universe. Give me Tony Stark, Black Widow or Thor any day! Spider-Man is … fine.
“But wait, Beth,” you might say. “Haven’t they been a band for years? Haven’t they released songs?”
Well, yes to both. But this is their first ALBUM. The others were EPs.
Now, I’ve reviewed books, movies, plays/musicals, performances, etc., but I’ve never reviewed an album before.
But like an antivaxxer who knows ALL ABOUT the danger of the COVID vaccine thanks to his YouTube research, I’m going to act like an expert.
This is a great album — their best work to date.
Let me give you a frame of reference for my taste: Of their EPs, I’m partial to “Strange Alchemy.” Specifically the title track.
So let’s get to it. The debut features 10 tracks plus a special “secret” track, which is not so secret, clearly. (Why isn’t it 13? I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them.)
Bad Decisions
Free Thinker
Down Again
Long Time Coming
Fyre!
Thirteen Steps
Jajvam
The One
Hollow Throne
Anubis
SYCM (aforementioned “secret track.”)
Bad Decisions
I feel like this is “my” song. My oft-used phrase “bad decisions make good stories” was, I’ve been told, the inspiration for the title. And the song is about bad decisions the guys made during their U.S. tour: Too much beer on the plane for Nick, too much tequila on stage for Rob, too much ALL THE ALCOHOL for Si in Savannah. The chorus even references what you do with a tequila shot. (“Lick it. Down it. Suck it. Wooo!”)
Photo evidence of debauchery:
I know you want to look at Si’s tongue. Don’t. Look at Rob’s dead eyes.Look at Rob’s tequila sweats.In addition to looking vaguely like Papa Smurf, Si has the dead eyes like Rob.
I don’t have photos of Drunk Nick, sadly. I wasn’t on the plane.
Anyway, the song. It kicks off the album with a bang. The main riff vaguely resembles the theme from “The Munsters,” so I’m a fan. Si has a fantastic voice, but here he screams like Steven Tyler. That’s great, if that’s your thing.
Free Thinker
This is the song for the antivaxxer mentioned who will think the guys agree with him. (Hint: They don’t.) It’s a critical COVID anthem.
Down Again
“Free Thinker” segues nicely into “Down Again.” And it’s catchy as all hell. It’s been in my head every morning this week. This could and should get radio play.
Long Time Coming
The lyrics make me think someone in the band is getting a divorce. (What’s going on, guys?) Again, catchy as hell. Accessible to people who like rock, pop, alternative. Also could and should get radio play.
Fyre!
No one likes a KISS soundalike song more than I do, so this is a song for me. I want them to wear fancy pants and big boots and play this in a stadium full of fans, all of whom are yelling “Fyre! Fyre! Fyre! at the chorus. “Burn baby, burn.”
Thirteen Steps
The title track is a heavy-as-balls concoction that references 13 steps to the gallows. Grim. But the song is a banger.
Jajvam
What the heck does that mean? A Google search says it’s Klingon for “Today is a good day to die.” Delightful! “Jajvam” hearkens back to JD’s first EP “Metadome.” And it would be a great song on that EP. Here it is overshadowed by everything else. Sorry. It’s just that the others rock SO HARD. (To be fair, I saw them do this live, and it killed.)
The One
This will kill live too. I want them to play it after “Fyre!” It’s an energetic and infectious rock song.
Hollow Throne
The opening riff sounds like a mix of Yes’ “Owner of a Lonely Heart” and the soundtrack to a whodunit. This, “The One” and “Thirteen Steps” are, in my opinion, the heaviest on the album. But they still are accessible to pop-lovers like myself. We’re not talking Slipknot* heavy.
Anubis
Like “Down Again” and “Long Time Coming,” “Anubis” feels commercial. I could hear this on any number of my Sirius presets. It also sounds like a divorce song. (Seriously guys: Are you OK?) That said, it feels optimistic. It connects the whole album together and ends it on a high note.
Oh, but wait.
SYCM
It’s an acoustic amuse-bouche. Why here (this position and at all)? I’ll probably never listen again. I’m so sorry. I’m honest to a fault. I hope the guys will still love me. 😉😘
Anyway, the album rocks your face off the whole way through. No real ballads here, which is fine by me. It’s already pushed out “Strange Alchemy” as my favorite release of theirs.
So, be a trendsetter: Download the album on your favorite streaming service today! If you like it, spread the word and buy some merch.
*Look. Listen. I know there’s way heavier stuff than Slipknot. Not for me. This is as far as I go. You know my taste!
Maybe you do have a cold. But also, you might have COVID. Let’s recap the Omicron symptoms:
Cough
Fatigue or tiredness
Congestion and runny nose
That’s right: Also symptoms of a cold.
So before you get around anyone, TAKE A COVID TEST. They are available in stores (you can use your FSA/HSA), and there are free testing sites all over the place.
If it’s positive, ISOLATE, FFS.
And let’s be clear: You shouldn’t be around anyone if you have a cold either.
It’s because of one of you that my son and sister in law had a lonely Christmas.
Gideon hung out with some friends. Two days later, he didn’t feel well. Typical cold symptoms. We sent him to his room. Tested him: positive. Then Eddie, Dominic and I tested ourselves: negative. We waited a day. Tested again. Negative. Waited. Tested. Negative.
Only then did we feel like we were safe to be around other people.
Even though we didn’t have any symptoms.
See how that works? Protecting others?
We just tested again to be safe.
Waiting for resultsStill negative
But Christmas 2021 is the one Gideon will remember as the one where we made him wear what amounted to a HazMat suit to open his gifts.
Poor Positive Gideon
I haven’t ever gotten Coronavirus [knocks wood], and I don’t plan to get it. I’m not taking chances.
The bottom line: If you think you have a cold, get tested anyway. Don’t be a Typhoid Mary.
I Tetrised the heck out of my stuff to get it all to fit in my tiny trunk.
Dear Readers:
I’ve been keeping this blog for 12 years. I started it because I was about to make a class of students start one. I figured I needed to practice what I preached.
Anyway, though I’ve traveled all over the place and written about my adventures, my home base (i.e., where I get my mail) has always been Georgia.
That changes today. I’m Missouri bound.
Q: Um … why? A: I got a great new job, and I’ll be based in St. Louis.
Q: Isn’t that where your birth family is? A: Yes. The universe clearly has something to say. It’s also where I have loads of adopted family.
Q: Is your family excited? A: Excited for me, yes. But Eddie and the boys aren’t coming with me right now.
Q: What? A: Yeah. Eddie did not thrive when we moved to Atlanta. He missed Savannah, his job, his friends. So he went back to work at his old job. He’s much happier. The boys are staying in Atlanta with friends until winter break, then they will join him. I’ll be back with them as often as I can, and we’ll work it out.
Q: You think this is the right decision? A: I effing hope so. We had many family discussions. We decided on this plan together.
Q: You’re ok? A: Eh. In general. I watched two episodes of “Intervention” last night because I couldn’t sleep. Of course, I convinced myself I was scarring the children. I told Gideon that this morning. He rolled his eyes at me. So maybe I’m not scarring the children.
Q: But what if you are? A: What if I am? This is the path we chose together. At least the boys will see their parents doing jobs they really like.
Q: When do you start? A: Monday. I’ll be staying in university housing for two months. My plan is to find a permanent place this week, so I can make arrangements to get all my stuff moved up there.
Q: And you’re sure you’re ok? A: Well, there’s been plenty of ugly crying. I made a road-trip playlist. I got to “Wide Open Spaces” around Chattanooga, and lost my shit.
If you are inclined, send positive thoughts my way as I (we) embark on this new journey.
I am looking forward to writing about a new environment. I’m sure the Show Me State is named that for a reason.
If you’ve spent any time at all reading this blog, you know how much I love all kinds of music. Well, almost all.
Two of you (Logan and Julia) wrote music-related Facebook posts recently.
I’ve done a take on the “10 albums” challenge, but this is different: These are songs that you associate with a time or a person.
Here are 15 songs indelibly linked to a certain someone.
“Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac and “Escape,” Rupert Holmes: These were the first two 45s I bought at my friend Michele’s suggestion. Solid choices.
“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” Wham: Michele again. We played tennis rackets and sang this at 2 in the morning during a sleepover. A videotape exists somewhere.
“9 to 5,” Dolly Parton: I dressed up as Dolly and performed this for a talent show at church. I think of my dad because he made me do it. I mean that in the very best way. I had not yet fully discovered my ham gene yet.
“Coat of Many Colors,” Dolly Parton: At the church talent show the next year, I sang this while my dad played guitar. We were huge Dolly fans. Clearly.
“Beat My Guest,” Adam Ant: This is not a song that is appropriate for ninth graders, but there Julia and I were — titillated at the lyrics and salivating over Stuart.
“1999,” Prince: Julia again. See screenshot above.
“I Melt With You,” Modern English: High-school boyfriend Tom. It was “our” song.
“It Takes Two,” Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock: My Chi Omega sisters and I changed the words and sang this during Greek Week. I STILL remember most of our lyrics (“The situation that Delta Sig is in … “).
“NoSex,” Alex Chilton: Mike put this on a mix tape. I had never heard of Alex Chilton. Mind blown.
“Friday I’m in Love,” The Cure: Post-college boyfriend Rob. “Our” song because that’s what was playing when our friend Harry caught us kissing on the Malone’s steps. Oops.
“Mr. Vain,” Culture Beat: Eggy “watermelon” lipsynced to this while Sophia danced on a box for a music video Eddie had to do for a class. Alex debuted some dance moves. James too.
“I Swear,”John Michael Montgomery: Eddie and I danced to this for our first dance at our wedding.
“Si Tuvieras Tus Ojos,” Edgar Joel: This was on a Salsa Mix CD our friend Billy gave me. I’ll never forget him dancing to this. For a husky guy, he is shockingly graceful. (Billy, that is. I have no idea about Joel’s physique.)
“Take On Me,” a-ha: This is my song with Gideon. We sing it with gusto. Sometimes we can hit that high note. Sometimes not.
I feel like this is a Part 1 post. As soon as I put it up, I know I’ll think of others.
Observe and report 