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Posts Tagged ‘Spelling’

A special kind of spiced ham*

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , on July 5, 2012| 2 Comments »

Dear Spammers:

I appreciate your attempts to make your comments on my blog look legitimate. However, I think it is time to hire someone who has a better command of the English language.

For example, Pace Express, I can’t imagine how my website “got here up.” And please don’t “clutch [my] RSS feed” or anything else.

Viagra online, I’m not sure what it means to “larn,” but I don’t think I want that either. I won’t mention the run-on sentence because I always try to be “user genial.”

And as for you, Olive Garden, your teacher needs more than “this tips.”

I know you, as spammers, have to do what you have to do. Please just try to use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation while you do it.

Thank you for your consideration.

Offering “clearness for [my] submit,”
Beth

* “Spam” is a portmanteau of those two words. Now you know.

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Amercia the Beautiful

Posted in Grammar, etc., Politics, tagged , , , , , , on June 15, 2012| 6 Comments »

Dear Mitt,

I don’t like you. I’m sorry, but there it is. It isn’t your politics, though I do think you are a heartless, moneygrubbing scumbag who hates immigrants and women. (Or maybe that’s just an illusion created by the so-called liberal media. And your staff. And wife.)

As I’ve mentioned in my blog, it makes me sad that Republicans had four years to come up with a good candidate and you turned out to be the best they can offer. And that’s after beating out gems such as Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

But in addition to all the other reasons I have not to like you, I have one more: You can’t spell.

Look, you can blame your staff, or lack thereof. I know you are searching for a copywriter. It doesn’t matter to me. You want to be in charge, so you have to take responsibility for every part of your campaign — especially when you want to make education a big part of your platform.

Just so you know, I’m not happy with Obama either. He’s had spelling errors too. But at least he doesn’t remind me of a used-car salesman. (And he treats his dog better.)

Able to spell and vote,
Beth

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Letter to ATL overlord

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on May 25, 2012| 1 Comment »

Dear Louis Miller,

Congratulations on opening the new international terminal at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. As general manager, you must be very proud.

I’m sure it took the involvement and commitment of many people to make the new terminal a reality.

May I recommend adding one more person to that team? Perhaps a proofreader?

Photo courtesy of Steve Barnes

I mean, Atlanta and the airlines sunk $1.4 billion into the four-year project. Surely, everyone could have spent just a little more money and time making sure to spell “transportation” correctly. Really, it’s not spelled the way many Atlantans pronounce it. I promise.

The South already battles the reputation that it is the Land of Idiots.  Recent behavior doesn’t help. Please don’t add fuel to this fire. Please fix the sign.

Congratulations again on the fine achievement, and I look forward to using the new terminal.

Sincerely,
Beth

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Freaks like me

Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged , , , , , , on February 21, 2012| 7 Comments »

About 400 people have linked, emailed, tweeted or otherwise made me aware of this cartoon:

I love the cartoon, and I love that people thought (think) of me when they saw (see) it.

(That’s indeed how I feel on a regular basis.)

While most of my friends and family know me as the grammar guru, the Internet thinks I’m a different kind of freak. Just look at the search terms people used that led them to my blog.

Finding me via “parasites” and other such terms makes sense because of my “Procrastination by parasite” post.

And “rednecks” also makes sense because of my frequent posts about the “Redneck Games.”

“Butterfly McQueen” and “antithesis” led searchers to posts about rhetorical devices.

I can even explain “std in the mouth” because I admitted in the procrastination post that my leap into the information vortex includes viewing images of “STD outbreaks” and “meth mouth.”

The last term is inexplicable on many levels: Who uses “inhumans wallpaper” as a search term? Why did the search engine pick me? What did searchers really want?

Not someone who likes to talk about grammar, for sure.

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Here’s a tip: Avoid the word “tips”

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , on January 31, 2012| 5 Comments »

Cracker Barrel is to me is like catnip is to our cat Reggie (who seems to have left us for a neighbor). I cannot get enough of the Sunday homestyle chicken with a side of dumplings. Before entering the Starch Consumption Plaza, though, guests have to navigate the maze of rooster quilts, Oak Ridge Boys CDs and ceramic birdhouses. I can’t ever get past the “Good Old Days” food section. (Cracker Barrel calls this the “assortment of nostalgic and classic products that evoke memories of the way things used to be.”)

While I have been known to plunk down the debit card for chocolate mints and Jordan almonds, I usually pay more attention to the packaging of other consumables. I want to help the people who create these labels.

Shouldn't "old-fashioned" be the adjective here?

Besides the fact that I hate the ampersand, "tips" doesn't sound like anything tasty.

The soda isn't possessing anything. Lose the apostrophe!

Again, no apostrophe needed as there is no possession in place.

Cracker Barrel isn’t the only restaurant with advertising issues, though.

I don't want to jump into these items. I'm not sure I even want to eat anything that is "twisted."

Am I the only one who pays attention to things like this? Clearly not. Here’s something from my friend Shane Marshall Brown.

What the HECK is going on with the "Tatamagouche" and "Hurricane Harbor" entries?

 

SIGH.

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Here a fail, there a fail, everywhere a fail, fail

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on September 10, 2011| 4 Comments »

It’s been a busy week for me as I prepare for my Provençal adventure, and it has been a busy week for this blog’s eagle-eyed contributors.

Apparently, it has been a tough week for those who write for public view.

For example, Max found a syntax mistake made by a WTOC Web writer.

“[This] has me imagining 81 ambulances lined up in front of the McDonalds in Pooler,” Max wrote. And then do they snap the victim into nine pieces so they can each get a part?

Aileen wants to know what “homous” is. I don’t know, but I don’t think the Tea Party would approve.

Daniel wrote of this sign, “Do they want us to kill our garbage instead?” Good question. Perhaps that will make it easier to be “procesed.”

Cheryl noticed this headline:

That must be one large ensemble if they can lay off 30,000 and still have members. It gives new meaning to the term “big band” (or Band Aid, even).

Finally, Aimee spotted this sign at All-American Gymnastics:

At least someone had the decency to cross out the offending word. Adding the correct one would have been a bonus.

Thank you to this week’s contributors! (And I really hope I didn’t make any mistakes in this post … )

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Signs of the week (weak?)

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on August 22, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This person needs a "tutor" for English too. Or maybe he DOES want a member of 16th-century English royalty.

I'd rather have an "omelet" or an "omelette."

"Eat of it," meaning the animals will just sample whatever someone tosses in? They are more likely to eat the whole darn thing.

Belk's sign maker needs a crash course in possessives.

No mistake here. I just want to let you know that Zumba is apparently not allowed.

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I am posting?

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , on August 12, 2011| 1 Comment »

I have been woefully slack at creating new content for this blog. I apologize.

I’m overwhelmed with possible topics:

  • My doctoral hooding ceremony, for which my chair wore jeans and paint-covered sandals
  • The AEJMC conference I am attending that is making me feel like a James Franco-style slacker
  • The fact that tapas places don’t seem to really understand the concept of tapas
  • That chickens do indeed like the taste of chicken

And the ever popular topic

  • War, what is is good for?

My head is exploding with the possibilities. So, I’ll make it interesting and entertaining by posting images of signs and notices sent to me by my fabulous friends.

From Chad:

For your convenience, software programs offer spell check.

From Kevin:

Please experience a moment with a dictionary.

From Royce:

So is the pro shop apologizing or not? Perhaps they should apologize for mistaking the question mark key for the period.

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Signs of the times

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , on August 3, 2011| 2 Comments »

Mike Judge is starting to look more and more like Nostradamus; his “Idiocracy” is akin to “The Prophecies.”

You need evidence that we live in a society that is shunning intellectual curiosity and social responsibility? You must not have watched any of the debt debates.

There are other signs all around of our declining intellectual ability. Literally.

Here’s one offered by my friend Lisa, who was mortified to find this at her son’s school:

God forbid the "parnet's" forget eggs on "Wesdnesday." That might be the day they also learn about spelling and apostrophe usage.

Royce provided this selection from the Savannah Morning News:

Maybe a "cachier" is a new term for someone who helps with a cache of coupons.

I saw this during my recent jaunt to Jacksonville:

I wonder if the new ownership will extend care to people of other faiths too.

Karla was amused by this entry in a cabin’s guest book:

It's clear they don't quite have a handle on our "human words." Ah, the intricacies of adverbs, adjectives and verbs.

And finally, from Elyse, here is evidence of a desperate attempt to sound important — an attempt office workers see on a regular basis:

Somewhere the word "use" is weeping quietly.

Sigh.

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That’s what friends are for

Posted in Grammar, etc., tagged , , , , , on July 30, 2011| 8 Comments »

Facebook is a fascinating petri dish. Where else can you find people from all aspects of your life hanging out, sharing information and ribbing each other?

Facebook makes it possible for people to have exchanges like this:

Granted, as evidenced above, typed words and computer protection can make people say things they might not say in person, but the positives outweigh the negatives, I think.

By having friends across the spectrum, it helps ward off news insulation where you are only exposed to that with which you agree. It only works, though, if you don’t censor your news feed.

Here’s a sample of the interesting and varied people I am friends with on Facebook:

  • The guy who punched me in the stomach in sixth grade
  • My maid of honor’s baby daddy (and the baby too)
  • An author I met at a book signing/reading
  • My husband’s main gay whom I have never met in person (neither has he*)
  • A woman who “met” me through this blog
  • A mascot for the local Single A baseball team
  • A friend’s pet bird
  • A former colleague on whom I had a girl crush
  • A former student who nearly drove me batshit crazy
  • A drag queen
  • A guy I met during jury duty selection
  • My boss from my first retail job
  • The girl who peed in the back of the truck on the way back from Camp Toccoa
  • A fake person created by students in my Writing for the Web class
  • The guy who sold me my car
  • The perpetually drunk roommate of my first college boyfriend
  • A woman I call “Eeyore” because of her depressing posts
  • My high school French teacher
  • The woman who regularly kicks my butt in Words with Friends
  • The late chicken pictured in this blog’s header
  • An actor friend starring in Golden Corral commercials (“Ten bucks? Bam!”)

I love these people. I love all my Facebook friends. I am constantly amused, amazed and informed by what they post.

Sure, there are a couple of people on there who also drive me crazy with their passive-aggressive or alarmist status updates. And though I try to be a little selective about the people I connect with on Facebook, there are a couple of people on my friends list whom I don’t think I actually know.

That would be OK with one woman I know. This person is some kind of friend collector. Are you friends with both my husband and me? Expect a friend request. Have you breathed in her vicinity? Friend request. Breathing in general? A request is on the way.

That seems weird to me, but maybe I’m the weird one. Thoughts?

* This is an odd little story I’ll save for another time.

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