Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Death, Media, Rage, Travel, Weird on December 7, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Well, the story of the Sharm el-Sheikh shark just got weirder. I thought the anthropomorphism was bad, but the story 36-hour Tina forwarded is much worse.
Read and marvel at the full article. This is an image of the “spy” shark, taken moments before one of the attacks.
Wait — are those robotic fins and laser beams I see? And the Israeli flag too?
Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Death, Food, Media, Peeves, Travel on December 6, 2010| Leave a Comment »
I saw “Jaws” at an impressionable age, so I don’t swim in the ocean. Water up to my knees is fine, thank you very much. I’m fascinated by shark attacks, so this tweet caught my eye:
Is this the finned marauder responsible for an attack on tourists in the water near Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt?
Maybe. Maybe not.
The amazing thing about this story is the anthropomorphism of sharks.
Look, people, it’s a shark, not the Bikini Killer. If you don’t want to be lunch, stay out of the water. It’s that simple.
Posted in Random, tagged Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Food, Rage, Travel on December 4, 2010| 2 Comments »
My friend Tina and I just spent 36 hours together in New York City.* We’ve been friends for more than 20 years, so getting together with her is like wearing your favorite broken-in shoes. (Not that I’m comparing my friend to footwear, of course.)
While together, we:
One of those topics was pessimistic vs. optimistic people. She and I tend to be optimistic, but there are those in our circles who are most certainly not.
A faulty washer and subsequent flood does tend to cloud the sunny disposition, though.
Imagine this floor with two inches of water:
Intrigued? Yes, a sad little story follows.
We stayed in Tina’s sister’s place on the Upper West Side — a fantastic Riverside Drive address. Marion was in Florida and graciously let us stay. In return, we wanted to leave the place tidy with clean sheets. Tina left very early yesterday morning, so my job was to wash the sheets using the washer/dryer in the kitchen.
After the rinse cycle, I went into the kitchen and found the flood. Expletives followed. I spent an hour and a half physically mopping and mentally freaking. (Side note: I’ve met Marion three times, maybe.)
I even had to move the refrigerator.
As Tina’s other sister, Ann, remarked, “No good deed goes unpunished.”
I called Tina and left a message for Marion. Then the super appeared. Glenn was alerted to a water problem by a tenant on the 12th floor. Marion lives on the 16th floor. Yep. It was that bad.
Thus began a series of unfortunate events that challenged this optimistic person. So let’s look at those events from two points of view.
WASHER LEAK
The dark side: Massive flood that trickled down four flights and seeped into parquet floors — in the condo of a woman I barely know.
The bright side: I was still in the place when it happened. And Marion came home to clean sheets!
FEDEX SHIPPING (I offered to take another round of packages to FedEx for Tina, and I needed to send some of my own. The closest place wanted to charge $80, so I had to find an actual FedEx shipping center — 20 blocks away.)
The dark side: I carried 30 pounds of packages 20 blocks.
The bright side: I need the exercise, and my biceps got a workout.
AIRPORT RUSH (Because of all of the above, I ended up running late to get to La Guardia. To make matters worse, I had to get to the airport during Friday afternoon rush hour. I took the subway to 125th street and waited for the M60 bus. After a long wait during which I was silently screaming more expletives, I suggested to the four other La Guardia-bound people that we share a cab. They agreed, and the four of us got to the airport at 6:15 p.m. My plane was supposed to leave at 7!)
The dark side: I waited 45 minutes in the cold for a bus that never came, and then shared a cab with strangers. During the ride, I nearly soiled myself out of fear that I was going to miss my flight — the last direct one of the night.
The bright side: I made my flight, and even landed a little early. Plus, I met some interesting new people who all made their flights also.
I always say that it is great when good things happen. But if something bad happens, there is still something good: It makes a great story.
Hope you enjoyed mine!
* While in New York, I also had a lunch date with frequent blog contributor He Who Has Three Names: Shane Marshall Brown. Yay!
Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged Apostrophes, Bright ideas, Celebrities, Signs, Travel on October 25, 2010| Leave a Comment »
My time in California was all about observations.
I observed nature at its best.
I observed punctuation at its worst.
And I observed the habitats of the best and worst celebrities — at a safe distance.
Steve Carell's house
George Lopez's house decked out for Halloween
Miley Cyrus' gate
Yes, let’s call it “observation” and not that unpleasant other term: stalking.
Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Fear, Students, Travel on October 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »
One of the greatest parts of my job — and there are many great parts — is that I get to travel to different high schools to give workshops about writing. Today, I was at Idyllwild Arts Academy to talk about writing for the Web and new media.
The school reminds me of the Camp Fire Girl camp I used to attend: Camp Toccoa. They are both all woodsy and have log cabins and wooden signs. Idyllwild is sleepaway high school, otherwise known as boarding school.
Here’s a view toward the library where I gave my presentation.
I’ll bet you couldn’t tell that Idyllwild is in Southern California. It’s in the San Jacinto Mountains between Palm Springs and Los Angeles. That scenery is VERY different from the landscape I drove through to get there. What follows is my interior monologue as I made my way from I-10 to California 243:
Scrubby scrub tumbleweed dust dirt this place is so dry tumbleweed loofah scrubby scrub scrub hey now here are some boulders wow there are lots of boulders is that a joshua tree this is getting kind of high this road is curving what is the speed limit great now my radio station is gone but I’m not going to stop to fix it let’s shut it off who is texting me right now must focus on this expletive road and holy cow this road is steep and expletive there are no expletive guard rails why wouldn’t they put in guard rails oh my God it’s raining now too and this road goes on forever and I’m afraid I’m going to drive off the side there’s expletive fog expletive now fantastic where is this expletive place I don’t want to die holy expletive elevation 6,000!
There are no guard rails in places I think there should be guard rails:
And this part of the trek reminded me of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Georgia, and the road to El Yunque in Puerto Rico:
It was a harrowing journey in the fog in a rental car. Clearly I made it alive, and the students in the workshop were worth the trek.
Posted in Random, tagged AP Style, Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Chickens, Facebook, Food, Parenting, Peeves, Students, Travel, Trish (the human), Twitter on August 22, 2010| Leave a Comment »
For reasons that should be obvious from some of my earlier posts, my anthem for this summer is Bowling For Soup’s 1999 song “1985.”
These lyrics in particular really resonate with me lately:
She’s seen all the classics, she knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, even St. Elmo’s Fire
She rocked out to Wham!, not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she’d get a hand on a member of Duran DuranWhere’s the mini-skirt made of snake skin?
And who’s the other guy that’s singing in Van Halen?
When did reality become TV?
Whatever happened to sitcoms, game shows, on the radio wasSpringsteen, Madonna, way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie and music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school they tell her that she’s uncool
‘Cause she’s still preoccupied with 19-19-1985
(Woo hoo hoo)She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop, stop, stop!
I can’t stop time, and I can’t go back to my 20s, so I must find joy in the present. And in the present, I find joy in little things.
Here’s a non-comprehensive list in no particular order of 50 things of things that make me happy.
Posted in Random, tagged Academics, Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Food, Peeves, Signs, Spelling, Travel on August 8, 2010| 1 Comment »
Sing the following to the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane.”
Little ditty about Beth and Sophia
Two American chicks livin’ it up for just a week.
Beth is gonna be a new media star.
Sophia had plenty of fun without a car.
Right. So I’m not a songwriter. What I am, apparently, is an academic who finds enjoyment in conferences where people present research that might be boring to 95 percent of the population.
I was in Denver this week for the annual Association for Education in Journalism and Mass Communications conference. I was just here in April for the AWP conference. This time, though, I didn’t have access to a car, so I walked or took the fantastic Denver public transportation, which allowed me to really get to know the city. It is, for the most part, clean and beautiful, with street performers on every corner. (Although, Eddie would point out that there is plenty of “bummery.”)
"Mile-high City" as seen from Room 2122 of the Sheraton.
What made this trip even better was the presence of my friend Sophia. While I was enjoying an endless parade of panel discussions and presentations about new media, old media, social media, technology and pedagogy, Sophia was taking bike rides around the city, visiting museums, and browsing boutiques in Boulder.
One thing we decided to do together was the Denver Microbrew Tour. We were running late and were starving, so we grabbed sandwiches to go from The Lobby, the restaurant across the street from the tour’s first stop, Great Divide. At strategic pauses during the tour portion at the Great Divide, Sophia and I took gobble breaks. Not pretty, but we didn’t want to get hammered on the tour.
Sophia is holding the bag of to-go containers in her right hand.
We finally finished our meal at the next stop on the tour: Breckenridge Brewery, across, ironically, from Coors Field (home of the Colorado Rockies).
Up next: Wynkoop Brewing Company, home of a beer brewed with Anaheim chiles and smoked Ancho peppers. The beer is called Patty’s Chile Beer.
Or is it?
They should change that sign. The beer is made with “chile” peppers.
The last stop on the tour was Rock Bottom Restaurant and Brewery, which put us back on 16th Street where we caught the free MallRide back to base camp.
After a short nap, we headed out again. This time, our destination was Mizuna, the restaurant that Anthony Bourdain said was the only reason to go to Colorado. I practically had to take out a second mortgage, but it was worth it: Best. Meal. Ever. Fat and happy, we headed “home” in a cab.
The next day, Sophia headed home and I headed downstairs for another day of conferencing.
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Mizuna is gone.
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of the conference is gone. Now rock on.
Posted in Grammar, etc., Random, tagged Atlanta, Bright ideas, Food, Kids, Parenting, Peeves, Rage, Spelling, Travel on July 29, 2010| 6 Comments »
Some friends of ours returned from Abu Dhabi for the summer, and wanted to take a family trip to Atlanta.
It was an opportunity we could not refuse.
We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn because of its proximity to the places we wanted to visit, and because Hilton was offering a package called “The Great Getaway” that offered free breakfast. Sign us up!
Here are the places we visited:
In addition to all the wonderful beasts of the waterways, the aquarium also has a whale slide. Billy, who is not a small man, decided he would try it out. Dominic said, “The whale’s gonna choke!”
Gideon and Mana enjoy some alone time.
It’s less a museum and more an educational Monkey Joe’s. Lots of screaming, running, banging, etc. And the kids made noise too (ba-dum-dum). Let’s just call it “collaborative learning.”
Gideon plays with the moon sand.
That place seemed so much bigger (and cooler) when I was an elementary school kid on a field trip. We saw the Galaxy Gameshow at the planetarium. I think the kids enjoyed it, but I don’t really know. I was asleep. And so were the other three adults. In fact, Eddie said as we left, “So we paid $12 for a nap?” Yes, yes we did.
Fernbank is to the American Museum of Natural History as CitiTrends is to Henri Bendel.
It’s my favorite mall in Atlanta, and I used to work in one of the clothing stores when I was in college. (I won’t say which store because it is just too embarrassing, even for me). We weren’t really there to shop, though. I had to get the hinge on my MacBook Air fixed. While I was doing that, everyone else ate ice cream.
The screaming stopped when they got ice cream.
This is my favorite hotel in the world, and I love this restaurant. It’s a little pricey, but it is worth it for the view.
Lunch over Atlanta
On the way there, I noticed this sign.
Only in the South, y’all.
No visit to Atlanta is complete without a naked dog with cheese, fries and an FO (Frosted Orange). Of course, then I slip into a grease-induced coma, but I don’t care.
The plan was to go to The Old Spaghetti Factory (cheesy but yummy and cheap) but it was closed. (For those of you keeping count, that’s the fourth of my favorite restaurants that has closed in the past year. Am I bad luck?) So we went across the street to Mary Mac’s. Despite it being an Atlanta landmark, I had never eaten there. It is Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and The Lady & Sons restaurant in a larger environment. A butter-induced coma ensued.
There were two pools — one outdoor, one indoor — and a jacuzzi. With five kids in the party, though, there are bound to be time-outs, even at the pool. The award for Best Actor in a Dramatic Role goes to my son Gideon for his role in “Pool Party, Pity Party.”
Time-out, party of four
I found another lovely sign here also.
Does the “mangement” handle identifying the “persons with communicable diseases” using the pool?
Overall, it was a fun trip, but also very exhausting. I think Dominic would agree.
All tuckered out
Posted in Random, tagged Bright ideas, Flamin' Hot Cheetos Puffs, Food, Travel on July 23, 2010| 6 Comments »
Faithful readers will remember me writing about my eating disorder. Unfaithful — er, occasional — readers may not, so here is the original post.
My new crush: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs.
The Flamin’ Hot Crunchy version is easy to find. The Puffs, not so much. I found them in the same convenience store where I saw Billy Dee Williams. (It was a very good day.) I bought every bag they had, and now I’m down to my last one. I feel shaky. I’ve been to five convenience stores in the past two days looking for them.
Luckily, Frito Lay has a “Where to Buy” feature on the website. It appears I’ll be headed to the intersection of Hwy. 80 and I-95 sometime today …
Posted in Random, tagged Beer and wine, Bright ideas, Food, Media, Rednecks, Travel on July 10, 2010| 7 Comments »
Sometimes I love (LOVE!) living in the South.
One reason: The annual Redneck Games in East Dublin.
They began in 1996 in response to the jokes about Rednecks hosting the official Olympic Games in Atlanta. They feature stellar events such as Redneck Horseshoes (with toilet seats), Armpit Serenade, Bobbin’ for Pigs’ Feet, Watermelon Seed Spitting and the Mudpit Belly Flop.
I’ve wanted to go for years, but something always happens to ruin my plans.
This year, I was determined to go. I started badgering Trish two months ago to go with me. I finally got her to commit yesterday. Yesterday! She’s from Iowa, and I think Rednecks scare her.
I almost couldn’t sleep last night. It was like Christmas.
Let me share this magical day with you via a photo essay. Come on the amazing journey, and learn all you should know. (TH=Trish took the photo, BC=I took it)
It began with gator kabobs. (TH)
All dressed up with somewhere to go. (TH)
No festival in the South is complete without the General Lee. (BC)
The band knew their Skynyrd. (TH)
And we knew how to fit in. (BC)
I found a replacement for Eddie. (BC)
And Eddie can have her. (BC)
Or maybe we could join this family. (BC)
Let the games begin with the Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest. (TH)
Overheard: "Where'd she spit it?" "She swallowed." (TH)
Nothin' like bobbin' for pigs' feet. (BC)
This girl could hold her own. (BC)
But this guy was the clear winner. (TH)
How could this lady be napping? And is that underwear on her face? (TH)
Soon it was time for the Mudpit Belly Flop. (TH)
Competitors displayed many techniques. (TH)
The couple that flops together stays together. (TH)
The odds on favorite was the "Redneck Granny." (TH)
Though she clearly isn't as agile as she used to be. (TH)
Redneck Granny still took the top prize. (TH)
And then it degenerated into a mêlée. (TH)
Pretty Princesses of the Pit. (TH)
And their handsome princes. (TH)
We went to the event, and all you get is a look at this lousy T-shirt. (TH)
And a gander at this guy's very chic, very permanent tattoo. (BC)
Stay classy, Dublin!
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Observe and report 