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Posts Tagged ‘White people’

Hi everyone!

My first week went well. Everyone has been very kind, very welcoming.

I’ve also been a bit overwhelmed at the scope of the work to do. I stayed late every night this week trying to get a handle on my role. But my instincts have proven to be sound, and I’ll be fine.

The view from my desk

I have discovered that Oregonians are a particular kind of nice.

They are lovely people, but don’t seem to go out of their way to help. High school friend Aileen, who lives in Salem, warned me about that.

You have to ask explicitly for what you want.

For example, I locked myself out of my house for the first time in my life the week before I started work. The doorknob of the door leading into the garage has a thumb lock you really have to work at to pop out. I thought I had done that.

When I returned from taking out the trash, I realized I had not.

I had only the clothes on my back. No phone. And I was filthy because I had been painting and unboxing and trying to get the place in order.

Ruh, roh, Raggy.

I didn’t even know where campus security was to get help. (I live on campus.) I walked to my soon-to-be office building to call campus security. One of my direct reports was working late. I materialized in her doorway. She and I were both horrified at the state of me. She barely recognized me.

Beth?!

Yeah.

She called security and handed me the phone.

Security officer: I don’t know that we even have keys to that place.

Me: If you don’t, do you know a locksmith?

Him: I’m not from here. I don’t know a locksmith.

Me: Could I use your phone to call one?

Him: Sure. I’ll meet you at your house in 10 minutes.

We arrive at the same time. He tried the keys. No luck. I use his phone to call a locksmith. The dude has to come from Salem, which is 45+minutes. He asks me what kind of lock it is. I tell him it’s heavy duty because it’s campus housing. He says he might have to drill it out. We hang up.

Me: I don’t think the facilities group is going to like that.

Security officer: No. I don’t think the campus locksmith will either.

Me (incredulous): THERE’S A CAMPUS LOCKSMITH?!

Him: Oh yes.

Me: Well, can we call him?

Him: Yes, I’ll call the facilities manager on call.

Me: THERE’S A FACILITIES MANAGER ON CALL?!?

Darrell the Campus Locksmith got there in five minutes and let me in.

See what I mean? Nice but not forthcoming.

It’s different from Southern nice, where people WILL go out of their way but talk smack about you when the screen door shuts.

And different from Midwest nice, where people will go out of their way with no expectation of return favors and no gossip.

So now I know. I can work with that.

I’ll keep you posted on the adventures I expect to have.

Beth

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Hi everyone!

It’s been A WEEK.

My car arrived. I returned the RV. The boys left. The moving truck arrived. I lost count of how many boxes I opened in my quest to settle in. I gained a hundred bruises on my body. I lost weight via sweating.

It’s starting to come together, but it’s been a long week.

The house provided to me has not been loved for some time. I’m grateful for it, but it’s clear it has been short-term housing. I want to be here long-term. I want to leave it better than I found it.

So I painted the living room and dining room by myself.

Look at this nonsense I found while preparing to spackle:

Come ON!
Who paints a living and dining room this yellow anyway? Yes, I know gray has a bad reputation, but it’s better than yellow.

I haven’t painted walls in YEARS. My body was a wreck afterward.

But it looks good.
Sadly, there’s nothing I can do about the Blair Witch basement. Except not EVER go down there at night.
I also met the neighbors.

I haven’t even started work yet, but I had a work event last night. My new university is home to a large wine festival. There is a salmon bake. I was invited to mingle with trustees and donors.

I hadn’t put on makeup and nice clothes for about two weeks.

I even got all the paint out of my hair!

I don’t know what I expected, but it was not the huge event that it was.

Look at all these people!
Meat for miles
The salmon bake
All local produce. Delicious!

I’m so glad I went. It was nice to be among people again after a week spent with boxes and Leo.

Work begins tomorrow.

Wish me luck!
Beth

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Captain’s Log, Day 4 (375 miles logged)

This is Merle the RV at home in the Rushmore View RV Park. Merle seems like he’s old, fat and sleeps naked. You’d never know that Merle came in under cover of night and rain.
Merle is basically parked in the lot for this place. Do NOT use a black light in any room.

We decided to eat breakfast in the thriving metropolis of Keystone.

Along the way, we saw more interesting chainsaw sculptures.

But we were there to see two much bigger sculptures.

Mount Rushmore
Crazy Horse

I did enjoy seeing both these monuments. However, my experience was marred by a few things:

  • The oppressive heat. Surely I must have lost 10 pounds in water weight from sweating.
  • People. The older I get, the less I like crowds. And as these are tourist attractions, there are many people there. I think one person out of five operates on one brain cell. So you get hundreds of people together, and you are bound to have a pack of idiots.
  • Flies. The house fly must be the South Dakota State Insect.
  • The admission price. It cost $35 to get into the Crazy Horse Monument. That would be a good price if I liked museums or movies about history. I don’t. The family doesn’t. I think we should have saved money and just driven by. But we didn’t.
This photo cost $35. 😉

We got on the road to Cody just after noon. Wyoming makes South Dakota seem wildly overpopulated.

There aren’t even any billboards!

It’s flat for miles, then suddenly there was a canyon.

Eddie to me, the driver: Slow down, please.

Me: It’s fine. It just feels weird from over there.

Him: The brake isn’t working.

Me (alarmed): What do you mean?

Him: The brake over here (gestures to the passenger floorboard).

We rolled up to the Cody KOA at 6:52 p.m. When I checked in, I found out that there is a free shuttle to the Cody rodeo every night during the summer.

A RODEO!

But the shuttle would be leaving at 7 p.m.

Eddie didn’t want to go, so he said he’d handle setup. The boys and I ran over to the bus.

You KNOW I wasn’t going to miss my chance. I haven’t seen a rodeo since I covered one in Ludowici, Georgia, when I was a TV reporter.

I was DEFINITELY more excited to be there than they were.

The only bad thing is that the clown co-MC’s jokes were SO OLD. For example:

What do OJ and that Bronco running around there have in common?

Neither one wants to go to the pen.

Yeah.

Still. A good time was had by all.

Coming tomorrow: Yellowstone

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Captain’s Log, Day 2 (492 miles logged)

Loading the rest of the RV and double-checking that the house was empty SUCKED. That is why I looked like this:

RAGGEDY
I bruise easily, but still.

My mom picked up the boys from the airport, and I met them for breakfast for a last meal with her.

She had a present for Leo, considering he’s going with me to a very granola place.

Leo was NOT amused.

We finally got on the road around 10:30 — just two hours later than I hoped.

I’m glad I didn’t need the boys to stay up and keep Eddie and me company.

Eddie and I did see some interesting road sculptures.

And land of Trish.

But that’s about it.

We arrived at the Sunset at Blue Oasis RV park just before sunset. (Timing FTW!)

We set up shop.

Leo made it very difficult to organize anything.

Eddie and Gideon hit the pool while Dominic pouted. He’s addicted to Rainbow Six Siege (withdrawal is hard) and possibly some girl named Emma.

See Dominic sulk (right).

I made chili for dinner, but realized I had made a crucial error: I didn’t pack bowls. I only had one, so we made do, cowboy style.

Dominic said we needed to be listening to an old-time radio show, so he found a ghost-story podcast.

We planned to watch a movie, but exhaustion set in. It was a REALLY long day: Four states and nearly 500 miles.

Next up: South Dakota and the Corn Palace

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Dear People of Collinsville,

I attended your annual International Horseradish Festival this year. Those who know me know that I love a niche festival. Grilled cheese, nations, beer, onions, rednecks, rattlesnakes — you name some weird focus, and you can count me in.

So attending this festival was a no-brainer. I put it on my calendar this time last year after I realized (to my dismay) that I had missed it.

A quick drive across the Mighty Mississippi, and I was in your thriving metropolis.

“Thriving.”

Granted, it was the first day of the festival, but I assumed there would be more.

More of everything, but especially HORSERADISH.

I saw more on the drive in than I did at the festival!

This was the ONLY VENDOR selling horseradish products:

And this was the only one with plants:

You know what the festival DID have, though?

Funnel cakes and corn dogs
Turkey legs and tractors

As well it should.

It also had interesting information about the spicy root.

And town info.

Tom Petty night! I might be back for Rockabilly.

Still, I was … underwhelmed. I was in and out in fewer than 30 minutes.

Maybe I just needed to schedule my visit around the Root Toss or the Bloody Mary Contest or Root Grinding. In that case, I apologize for judging you harshly.

Good luck with future festivals!
Beth

* I know, I know. I can’t help it.

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Dear Tracy and Brian,

Just when I had about given up on humanity, you came along.

Even during a time of personal grief, you did the most lovely thing.

You gifted a stranger VIP tickets to Shaky Knees.

I hate that you experienced a loss. I hate that you had to cancel your trip to Atlanta for Brian’s birthday celebration, and thus the stay you booked in my Airbnb. But instead of reselling the wristbands, you (amazingly) sent them to me.

I will be honest here: I had never been to a multistage music festival.

Given my love of live music, it’s really surprising.

I’ve seen “Trainwreck: Woodstock 99.” That’s like “Halloween” (i.e., a horror movie) to me.

But your generosity pushed me out of my comfort zone.

My friend Jennifer was up for the adventure.

I really didn’t know what to expect, besides lots of music and people.

Lovejoy on the main stage: Peachtree.
Here’s Spacey Jane at the Piedmont Stage.
Illuminati Hotties at the Criminal Records Stage.

And among 40K people, what is the chance I would run into someone I know?

Very high, apparently.

Look: It’s Renee and Brian! Renee and I worked together in Atlanta.
The swanky wristband had many perks.

One of the biggest perks to me was the use of air-conditioned bathrooms in an RV-type structure. No porta potty for this lady!

Another perk: Free beer and water.

You know what else was free? People watching.

Let me say that I have mad respect for people wearing whatever the hell they want to wear.

Unlike this brave girl, however, I prefer to keep my bum covered unless I’m at the beach. And even then not so much.

I enjoyed seeing a medley of concert and other kinds of T-shirts. This one was my favorite:

I also loved that parents brought their older children (12-16 or so). As someone who indoctrinated exposed her children to music early on, I approve. (My kids’ first concert was The Police.)

Jennifer and I packed in as many bands as we could.

Be Your Own Pet
Cypress Hill
Rickshaw Billie’s Burger Patrol
Joey Valence & Brae
The Front Bottoms
Trash Panda

All put on a good show. And I know most people were there to see Muse, The Lumineers, Hozier and The Killers.

People love The Killers.

But I was there to see two artists:

Peaches, in all her weird envelope-pushing glory (Yes, that’s an outfit featuring many breasts)
And Tenacious D

Those two made the festival worth it for me.

Though I’m not a fan of crowds, everyone was well-behaved.

We had a great time!

So thank you for your generosity.

I hope you will be able to make the trip next year. And if you do, I owe you a deep discount on your stay.

Thanks again!

Your new friend,
Beth

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Y’all.

I’ve mentioned before how much I love the Next Door app.

I cannot get enough of the petty drama. Just look:

Lord have mercy. These PEOPLE.

But I am HERE for it.

And for what it is worth, I’m Team Heather.

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Dear Dominic and Gideon,

Thanks for inviting me to your most-recent game. It was nice to see you two playing on a team together for the first time in about 13 years.

But the sport?

I don’t understand.

Your father played and coached basketball. You are both 6’2″ and could be good at basketball.

But no. You chose something else: lacrosse.

Lacrosse!

It’s apparently the oldest team sport in America, but I don’t know nothing about playing lacrosse. But it looks like basketball mixed with hockey.

There’s so much whacking with the stick about your person. And this is not only allowed, but encouraged.

And pushing is OK too.

I found this out when someone on the other team shoved Gideon and sent him flying on the field in front of me. Home and Away were sitting on the same side of the bleachers, and I heard someone say, “Good push.”

I nearly lost my Mom mind, but realized I would be sorely outnumbered.

I yelled down, “Are you OK?”

Gideon, you yelled, “Yeah.”

Then the people behind me clapped for you when you got up.

I got verklempt when you ran over to your team on the other side and you, Dominic, hugged him like a good big brother should.

Even though your team lost the game, it was a nice day outside, great to see you two in action, and I’m learning new things. All of those are good.

Keep up the good teamwork!

Love,
Mama

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Dear Rep. Ann Kelley,

What — and I mean this sincerely — the f*** are you doing?

WHY would you propose a change to the Missouri House of Representatives rules that forces women to cover their arms?

And you are a woman. What the heck?!

Let me get this straight: You lost your mind over requiring people to wear masks a couple of years ago to stop the spread of COVID, but now you are forcing women to wear sleeves?

You claim it was to clarify language to be “equal” to men. (By the way, you really should hire a PR person or copy editor or SOMEONE to help you with your writing skills.)

Sure it was.

I can’t believe it was adopted 105-51. (Note that the House is made up of 116 men and 43 women. Party affiliation for reference: 111 R, 52 D.)

I can’t believe you wasted any time on this at all. Have you seen the state rankings? Just look!

30th in Education

42nd in Public Safety

42nd in Healthcare

I swear to God — you are affecting my healthcare: my mental health!

I really don’t know why I’m surprised at either of the things above. It’s so much easier to control women and what they do and wear rather than tackle big issues in all people’s lives. Right, Ann?

What an embarrassment this is for the state. You want to be in the international consciousness with this foolishness?

I’m so glad my representative didn’t vote for this nonsense. (Granted, I think he was absent that day.)

Pull yourself together, please. Focus on important issues.

Sincerely,
Beth, a Missouri resident with sense

Bare arms vs. bear arms (God forbid she wears a mask.) Photo credit here.

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Dear Neighbors,

Y’all be out here WILDIN’ (as the kids say). That is, if the Next Door app is any indication.

I live a quiet life. I mind my own business. I’m not out trying to be the stereotype of Angry White Woman (i.e., Karen or BBQ Becky).

Some of you are LIVING for the drama. And bringing it.

For example, Laurie and Claralyn woke up and chose violence.

And then there are posts like the following that have me shaking my head, for a variety of reasons.

My guilty pleasure is following the Best of Next Door on Twitter.

I mean, LOOK:

How could I resist?

But in the words of the late, great Rodney King, “Can’t we all get along?”

Despite the inauspicious start, I get along with both my next-door neighbors, and I’m close with about a dozen of you in our neighborhood. And some of you must like me a little as you voted me into a leadership role. I also took on the task of editing the neighborhood newspaper. Because of course I did.

As I have free rein with the paper, I want to start an advice column to help resolve minor conflicts. Like alley clippings. Neighbor friends Kathy and Marlane have agreed to help.

I think it could be fun. Also, it may raise everyone’s self awareness and tolerance.

But probably not. 😬😉

Anyway, I’m just trying to help. No need to get knickers in a twist over Christmas lights and weeds, when there is the VERY REAL problem of holiday creep.

My friend Jude sent me evidence of Valentine’s Day merch in a store on Dec. 27.

THAT’S a problem.

Your neighbor,
Beth

*RIP Bob McGrath.

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