Your personality is distinct. You are nosy, noisy and aggressively cuddly.
Who are you? Gladys Kravitz?
And weird. You are SO weird.
To look at, for one.
Look at this alien foot!Your back = brain surfaceWhere are your whiskers?!
But also, the way you sleep is unlike any other cat I’ve ever known.
Who sleeps like that?Cats don’t sleep on their backs!
And you always have to have your paws on my face.
Or be ON me somehow.
You look annoyed even when you are sleeping peacefully.
Here you look annoyed, but you have a right to be: I’m harassing you with a gift from Charlotte and Nate.
I love it when your tongue gets stuck.
I know you hate this collar, but it’s better than the cone of shame. I can’t have you licking your surgically enhanced paw.*
Despite the fact that you are a bizarre creature (or probably BECAUSE of it), I’m so happy to share my life with you.
Love, Your human
*Leo came to me declawed. The person who did it needs a refresher course as he/she left part of his dewclaw. It got infected. He’s had surgery and is fine now.
Your water fitness class almost made me tap out. That would have been a first.
I don’t know if it is because it has been a while since I went to a class (<cough> six months <cough>) or whether it is because you are hard core.
Either way, I had jelly legs at the end of the class.
So thank you.
This pool is great for families (see water slides) but not so great for fitness courses in the deep end. I actually accidentally touched another participant because of the proximity. EEEK.
Not your fault.
I laughed when you shouted, “We always like men in here” to the man picking out a water noodle. To be fair, he did suggest he could be a shark among the mermaids (yuck).
And I appreciate that you gave the chatty ladies hell. (No, lady with pink hair, I don’t want to hear another word about your elbow, thankyouverymuch.)
Anyway, as that great sage Arnold Schwarzenegger said: “I’ll be back.”
It’s clear your ex didn’t treat you as well as I treated my ex. However, please do not bring your baggage into this relationship. Please save your drama for times I can do something about it. Like when we are at the dealership for regular service.
I’m not happy that you refused to start the other day. It seemed like it was your battery or starter. In case it was the former, I haunted the nearest intersection until I found someone with jumper cables.
While I was searching for a person with jumper cables, an asshat parked next to me. Why would you do this?This looks like some strange R2-D2 proboscis.
When that didn’t work, I was forced to tow you to the dealership. Jeff, the service guy, is getting used to that kind of call from me.
Thanks for going on a road trip with me to bring Eddie some stuff that ended up with me in St. Louis.
It was a great bonding experience for you and your new brother.
It took nearly 16 hours of driving (should have been 12), but we made it manageable with stops in Chattanooga (no time for towing, sadly) and Atlanta (so you could harass all your school friends).
Barb the Minivan (rental) served us well. She was spacious enough to allow for a litter box for Leo’s bathroom breaks.
It turns out that he’s good on car trips.
Just so everyone knows, I don’t usually put clothes on pets. But Leo is naked, and it was cold when we left St. Louis.
So thank you for making the trip with Leo and me. Next time, I promise we will stop in at a ridiculous museum that will amuse us both.
I enjoyed meeting you for five minutes outside the Greenville, S.C., airport as I adopted your cat son Leo. Thank you for posting him on a rescue site and choosing me as his new parent.
Those after-dinner hours (7-9 p.m.) are really quiet/lonely. I can only watch just so much “Ozark” and “Great British Baking Show.” And my house is VERY clean.
I found myself talking to — and responding to — myself. Out loud. Uh oh.
And I missed taking care of critters (i.e., Dominic and Gideon).
I haven’t had a pet in 11 years. It’s been 16 since I’ve had a cat. That’s weird in itself, as I had a cat or cats my whole life. At one point, Eddie and I had four dogs and four cats.
We had a temporary cat at the time of this Christmas card photo, and Maggie the Boxer hadn’t joined us yet. The photo gives you an idea of the craziness, though.
I’ve been wanting a Sphynx for more than five years — haunting rescue sites because I wasn’t about to spend more than $2K on a damn cat.
Luckily, you started to travel more and felt guilty about boarding him all the time.
So now he’s mine. Traumatized, but mine.
Things are going great.
He is aggressively cuddly. He gets right in my face. Breathing in my mouth to steal my soul.
And has to be ON ME at all times.
I mean. LOOK AT HIM.
Look at this FOOT!
I don’t know how you were able to give him up, but I’m so glad you did.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Beth, Leo’s new mom
Thanks for being my first non-family visitor to test out the guest room! I’m glad it was during the ramp-up to Mardi Gras, but sorry there was still snow and ice all over. (Especially sorry for the Missouri drivers and the shards of ice flying off their cars.)
Having you in town was a great excuse to visit the Gateway Arch — the iconic monument I hadn’t explored since moving here.
Tiny Terror that you are, we had to explore my neighborhood bar too.
And also my neighbor’s ice-cream shop.
And Taste of Soulard — my neighborhood’s neighbor.
I enjoyed meeting your cousin Claire!
That’s where we saw interesting people like this guy.
I wonder if he knows that portable Bluetooth speakers exist.
And a goat who is the GOAT.
And racing weiners.
I promise a more comfortable sleeper sofa the next time you visit. And that I will have become a regular, “Cheers” style at the local bar.
Love and kisses!
Your fren, Beth
P.S. Thanks for the hostess gift. I wouldn’t call me “sweet” by any stretch of the imagination, but I appreciate it.
We did not start off on the right foot. And then I didn’t actually meet you for weeks after I moved in. When I did, it consisted of you hollering “Hello, I’m your neighbor!” from your car.
That was fine. I had resigned myself to not really having a relationship with you. Plus, Kate on the other side has been PLENTY of neighbor for me.
But then I happened to come in the front door with some groceries, as opposed to the back. And you appeared on your front porch at the same time. You wanted to warn me about porch pirates, and let me know you put a package of mine in the side yard.
Me: Thank you for that. This move has been hard enough without people stealing packages too.
We looked at each other for a few beats. Blinked.
You: For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that.
And that’s all it took. All I needed for everything to be OK.
As it turns out, we had both asked our real-estate agents if we could have a conversation just ourselves. We were denied. By your agent.
You: I really think we could have worked it out if we could have just talked to each other.
We ended up spending about 30 minutes on our porches chatting. And then set up brunch, where we talked for nearly two hours.
I’m so glad I learned to drive in Atlanta where Nascar has nothing on I-285. If I hadn’t, there’s no way I would have been prepared for you.
Perhaps you didn’t get any drivers education. Let me help.
Pro Tip 1 People getting onto the highway need to be able to merge. Let them in, for crying out loud!
Pro Tip 2 When someone has his/her/their turn signal on, that means the person wants to get over. Oh but wait, none of you seems to know what that is.
Pro Tip 3 The turn signal is a lever on your steering wheel that, when activated, lets other drivers know you want to make a turn or get into a different lane. You are in the Show Me state, so show me your freakin’ turn signal.
Pro Tip 4 It’s helpful to other drivers for you to pick a lane and STAY IN IT. Weaving in and out is annoying and dangerous.
Pro Tip 5 The posted speed limit is not a suggestion. It’s the max. It’s right there on the sign!
Maybe y’all drive this way to avoid all the potholes and road damage.
Seriously, these roads are about as bad as the ones I had the misfortune of driving in Antigua. That’s saying something.
Please, for the love of God, think of your fellow drivers.
Observe and report 