I deliberately scheduled a limited-drive day. I figured we road warriors would need a break.
Merle in repose
The scenery from Cody into Yellowstone is SPECTACULAR. That’s why people make the trek.
Leo, of course, could not be bothered.
What a life.
On this journey, we have seen flora, but not fauna. So when we finally saw bison, we lost our minds.
Like Leo, the bison were completely unconcerned about our existence.
I really expected to see more critters. Maybe the rangers still have them locked up.
See? Dipshits abound.
We set up camp at the Yellowstone Fishing Bridge RV Park. We did laundry. Made lunch. Walked to said Fishing Bridge.
Gee, they aren’t related AT ALL. /sUm …
Photos do not do this place justice. The word “breathtaking” doesn’t do it justice. Yellowstone is one of those places you really have to see for yourself.
But beware of sticky tar-like substances that resist removal efforts.And birds practicing target practice.
I tried to upload my blog post, but service was spotty. Huge national park. Nature. Go figure. 😉
Dominic, a typical teenager, was bothered by the lack of connectivity.
“What am I supposed to do? ENJOY NATURE?”
All kidding aside, it is beautiful, and we did need to disconnect.
This is Merle the RV at home in the Rushmore View RV Park. Merle seems like he’s old, fat and sleeps naked. You’d never know that Merle came in under cover of night and rain.Merle is basically parked in the lot for this place. Do NOT use a black light in any room.
We decided to eat breakfast in the thriving metropolis of Keystone.
Along the way, we saw more interesting chainsaw sculptures.
But we were there to see two much bigger sculptures.
Mount RushmoreCrazy Horse
I did enjoy seeing both these monuments. However, my experience was marred by a few things:
The oppressive heat. Surely I must have lost 10 pounds in water weight from sweating.
People. The older I get, the less I like crowds. And as these are tourist attractions, there are many people there. I think one person out of five operates on one brain cell. So you get hundreds of people together, and you are bound to have a pack of idiots.
Flies. The house fly must be the South Dakota State Insect.
The admission price. It cost $35 to get into the Crazy Horse Monument. That would be a good price if I liked museums or movies about history. I don’t. The family doesn’t. I think we should have saved money and just driven by. But we didn’t.
This photo cost $35. 😉
We got on the road to Cody just after noon. Wyoming makes South Dakota seem wildly overpopulated.
There aren’t even any billboards!
It’s flat for miles, then suddenly there was a canyon.
Eddie to me, the driver: Slow down, please.
Me: It’s fine. It just feels weird from over there.
Him: The brake isn’t working.
Me (alarmed): What do you mean?
Him: The brake over here (gestures to the passenger floorboard).
We rolled up to the Cody KOA at 6:52 p.m. When I checked in, I found out that there is a free shuttle to the Cody rodeo every night during the summer.
A RODEO!
But the shuttle would be leaving at 7 p.m.
Eddie didn’t want to go, so he said he’d handle setup. The boys and I ran over to the bus.
You KNOW I wasn’t going to miss my chance. I haven’t seen a rodeo since I covered one in Ludowici, Georgia, when I was a TV reporter.
I was DEFINITELY more excited to be there than they were.
The only bad thing is that the clown co-MC’s jokes were SO OLD. For example:
What do OJ and that Bronco running around there have in common?
Get ready, people: This place has everything: saloons, Costner merch, a building decorated with corn, taxidermy (yay!), a massive jackalope sculpture, and an out-of-place T-Rex.
The first night in the RV went well. We had pride in a job well done, as we had never hooked up an RV before. It wasn’t hard at all. I was worried for nothing.
The RV is spacious. It should be at 30 feet long.
Everyone has a space of his/her own.
I’m on the converted dining room table. (The photo didn’t turn out.)
Leo, as you see, is everywhere.
He’s a bed-hopping whore. Leo, not Dominic. (I don’t think Dominic is, anyway.)
You may wonder why Eddie and I aren’t sharing.
Well, it’s because we are divorced. I know that may come as a surprise as I’ve never mentioned it publicly. It’s private.
It’s also obviously amicable, as we are on this road trip together (mutual choice). I mean, we were together for nearly 30 years. We are part of each other’s lives. We are coparenting. And we still like each other!
Anyway, we started in Onawa, Iowa, and made our way through South Dakota. So many things to see along the way.
Starting with this fine specimen at a rest stop.80 mph speed limit!Corn Palace!Is it a gym? A theater? No, it’s a gift shop.Want more info? Here you go.We also stopped at 1880 Town.This is the main attraction, apparently.I don’t really care about the movie or Kevin Costner.
But I DO care about a cool Wild West town.
And that I have a son in jail.That’s what happens when you raise criminals.I also care about my new side hustle.
The saloon was a big draw. That’s where the refreshments were. No beer, though, which seems like a missed opportunity.
There also was live music.
“Live”
As soon as Gideon saw the performer, he said, “Yeah, he was born here.”
Unadvertised attraction: unfettered goat action
Our next stop was Wall Drug. There had been 423 billboards advertising it, including one with a command.
We did as we were told.
Narrator: They could have missed it and been fine.
I enjoyed the massive jackalope, but the rest was just shopping.And bad animatronics.And taxidermied bison.And this. Just why?
We decided to eat at the Badlands Saloon and Grille. Sadly, our server, Mateo, had no sense of urgency regarding our food and hydration needs.
The delicious Mac and Cheese Burger nearly made up for Mateo.
Thanks to our extended stay in the restaurant, we arrived later than we wanted to the Rushmore View RV Park. We had to set up camp in the dark in the rain. (View? What view?)
Coming soon: Our gang pays a visit to George and his gang.
*This was on a T-shirt at the Corn Palace. Seriously.
It was weird to watch my car drive away without me.
I packed the remaining stuff for the RV and worried about space.
The next day, the epic road trip started out fine. I had to pick up the RV in Kansas City, so I hitched a ride with my brother who was headed there for a gig.
Look at me with Lodell: fresh faced and ready for adventure.
Why did I have to get it in Kansas City? Good question. Cruise America doesn’t have any locations closer to St. Louis. It was KC or Chicago. Weird, but ok.
While on the way, Gideon was updating me on the flight. Allegiant flies direct from Savannah, Georgia, to Belleville, Illinois, (close to St. Louis) seasonally. No frills, of course. It’s a sky bus.
Despite my flight tracker saying they were en route and the Allegiant app saying they were on time, they were delayed. No explanation.
According to Gideon, for a moment, it looked like they were going to board. But then, the flight was canceled. No reason given. No attempt to reschedule: Sucks to be you; we’ll give you a voucher.
The next flight out on any airline that would get them there that night was $1,319 per ticket.
Mama ain’t got that kind of cash.
Survey says: Delta for $259 the next morning.
I arranged all this while sitting on a stack of furniture pads in the RV place that doubles as a UHaul rental center.
So that was fun.
They headed home. So did I.
Despite being 30 feet long, the RV is easy to drive. It’s not cheap, though.
Yikes. That’s about 10 miles per gallon.
What I had been counting on was having help loading the beast for the trip with everything the movers didn’t take.
Thar she blows!
But that wasn’t the case. My next-door neighbors took pity on me and helped me with some of it.
Auntie Beth is back with more tips on how to live in a world with OTHER HUMAN BEINGS.
(Auntie Beth was in New York briefly for a conference and witnessed some very disturbing behavior.)
1. DON’T stand directly in front of elevator doors. It’s surprising this has to be said, but people likely are ON that elevator and need to get off. If you are standing there, you are making it difficult. The same goes for train doors.
2. DON’T stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to check your phone. Again, there are other people using the escalator and would like to keep moving once they are off.
3. DON’T walk three abreast on a sidewalk. AGAIN, there are other people in the world who would like to walk on the sidewalk.
Don’t be like these people.
4. DON’T leave COVID-time space between yourself and your companion while walking. For the fourth time, other people would like to get past you.
Please walk WITH your friend.
5. DON’T clump on the sidewalk to have a conversation. I mean … reread 1-4 for why.
Auntie Beth audibly sighed as she managed to hustle by these people taking up the whole sidewalk.
What do all these scenarios have in common?
The inability for the offenders to recognize there are other people in their orbit.
So attending this festival was a no-brainer. I put it on my calendar this time last year after I realized (to my dismay) that I had missed it.
A quick drive across the Mighty Mississippi, and I was in your thriving metropolis.
“Thriving.”
Granted, it was the first day of the festival, but I assumed there would be more.
More of everything, but especially HORSERADISH.
I saw more on the drive in than I did at the festival!
This was the ONLY VENDOR selling horseradish products:
And this was the only one with plants:
You know what the festival DID have, though?
Funnel cakes and corn dogsTurkey legs and tractors
As well it should.
It also had interesting information about the spicy root.
And town info.
Tom Petty night! I might be back for Rockabilly.
Still, I was … underwhelmed. I was in and out in fewer than 30 minutes.
Maybe I just needed to schedule my visit around the Root Toss or the Bloody Mary Contest or Root Grinding. In that case, I apologize for judging you harshly.
I hate that you experienced a loss. I hate that you had to cancel your trip to Atlanta for Brian’s birthday celebration, and thus the stay you booked in my Airbnb. But instead of reselling the wristbands, you (amazingly) sent them to me.
I will be honest here: I had never been to a multistage music festival.
I really didn’t know what to expect, besides lots of music and people.
Lovejoy on the main stage: Peachtree.Here’s Spacey Jane at the Piedmont Stage.Illuminati Hotties at the Criminal Records Stage.
And among 40K people, what is the chance I would run into someone I know?
Very high, apparently.
Look: It’s Renee and Brian! Renee and I worked together in Atlanta.The swanky wristband had many perks.
One of the biggest perks to me was the use of air-conditioned bathrooms in an RV-type structure. No porta potty for this lady!
Another perk: Free beer and water.
You know what else was free? People watching.
Let me say that I have mad respect for people wearing whatever the hell they want to wear.
Unlike this brave girl, however, I prefer to keep my bum covered unless I’m at the beach. And even then not so much.
I enjoyed seeing a medley of concert and other kinds of T-shirts. This one was my favorite:
I also loved that parents brought their older children (12-16 or so). As someone who indoctrinated exposed her children to music early on, I approve. (My kids’ first concert was The Police.)
Jennifer and I packed in as many bands as we could.
Be Your Own PetCypress HillRickshaw Billie’s Burger PatrolJoey Valence & BraeThe Front BottomsTrash Panda
All put on a good show. And I know most people were there to see Muse, The Lumineers, Hozier and The Killers.
People love The Killers.
But I was there to see two artists:
Peaches, in all her weird envelope-pushing glory (Yes, that’s an outfit featuring many breasts)And Tenacious D
Those two made the festival worth it for me.
Though I’m not a fan of crowds, everyone was well-behaved.
We had a great time!
So thank you for your generosity.
I hope you will be able to make the trip next year. And if you do, I owe you a deep discount on your stay.
Yes, that’s a windmill. In the middle of St. Louis. With a biergarten.And taxidermy.Taxidermy aplenty.Plus a massive fireplace.And murals.And a chandelier in a really strange place upstairs.Along with a display case of sharp things.And a vanity?!?And whatever this horrifying effigy is.
Naturally, I loved it. I’ve been meaning to go, and I finally got the chance.
I’ll be back in writing action again soon, I hope.
Observe and report 