As many of you know, I’ve been taking what I’ve termed “murder-prevention trips” during the pandemic. As I’ve mentioned, I’m an extrovert who likes to travel. The pandemic was hard for me for those reasons, as well as the fact that my children and I were all up on each other trying to work/study.
(First-world problems, I know. We did not have nearly the issues that many, many other people had. But this was my reality, and I’m acknowledging its difficulty.)
I’m not an indoor cat.
Look at what Dominic got me (on his own!) to commemorate my latest trip:
Plus, my favorite band was playing their first gig in a billion years (i.e., 18 months).
I am such a huge Anglophile — constantly amused and/or impressed by the things I find. This jaunt was no exception.
An all-in-one station. You don’t even need to move your hands. Genius!If it’s needless, why is it there?Ew! No. That’s an assault on humanity.I asked the waiter what this was on the saucer. He said, “Flake.” I said, “A flake of what?” It’s chocolate. We Americans don’t have that.Brilliant!I love that it’s a “Demand” button instead of the more polite “Call.”I’ve never seen a toilet shaped like this.Well, OF COURSE there will be nudity. It’s the UK and “naked” is in the title.
I’ve promised Gideon a birthday trip there in May, COVID willing. Maybe he’ll be as delighted as I am with the cultural differences.
I’ve created a handy chart for you to help in your decision making.
Look. Listen. We all had to get vaccinated to start school. What is the sudden problem? And you don’t want to show proof? We’ve all had to show proof of vaccinations our whole lives for school. It’s a public safety issue.
We also have had to show proof of identity when flying. And driving. And returning to the country. And voting in many places. (Hey, Georgia!)
So what’s the big deal with vaccine passports? We’ve had vaccine records for years!
We already have government mandates for safety (OSHA, seat belts, helmets, speed limits, etc.).
But some of those things only protect the individual, while others protect, well, others.
Vaccines protect you and others. Many diseases are gone because of vaccines.
Please get yours so we can all get back to normal. And so, you know, you won’t DIE.
I would like to propose Five Text Languages. I’m pretty sure everyone I know falls into one of these categories.
Actual words
Gif
Emoji
Bitmoji
None
Words: I text in full sentences with proper grammar and punctuation. (Of course I do.) Gideon does too. Dominic texts in words without grammar or punctuation, and I want to die.
Gif: My niece Chelsea is definitely a Gif fan. This is my second favorite way to communicate.
Emoji: Eddie is an emoji user. And sometimes I can’t figure out what he means.
Bitmoji: Trish the Human is a bitmoji fan, as is my new friend Andy. (A discussion with him was the inspiration for this post.)
None, aka radio silence: This style is no style at all because these people DON’T TEXT back for DAYS, if ever. Brian and Edgar, I’m looking at you.
Which one are you?
I’m guessing you use words because you are an author.
Gideon and I look happy. Of course, I took this just as we arrived. Ignorance is bliss.
Dear Six Flags Management:
My son and I visited Six Flags Over Georgia yesterday. A Saturday in June. We must have been high to think that was a good idea.
You can’t do anything about the sun or the heat, but you CAN do loads about the rest of the experience.
My complaints fall into three categories: customer service, your app and basic human needs.
1. Customer service
You have none. Not a single person working there wanted to work there. That was clear. And some who were “working” were not.
Case in point: Macho Nacho.
We went into the restaurant at 1:14 p.m. — prime lunch time. Though there are two sides, only one side was open — despite the fact that there was food out and ready to go on the unmanned side AND you clearly had the staff on hand.
A few minutes later, four employees came in with Icees and stood around watching the others work.
It was at this point that I went partial Karen and emailed guest relations.
Meanwhile, my son faded into oblivion.
One other thing: If you are going to advertise that you have guacamole, please have guacamole.
2. The Six Flags app
As I am a diamond member, you send me surveys all the time. You always ask about the app. I always tell you it sucks.
Why? It’s useless. It doesn’t provide any information you can’t get inside the park all over the place.
You know what makes a theme park app useful? Ride wait times. Every other theme park app has them.
Not yours.
Plus, you have to have cell service to use the app. Service in your park is nonexistent. And your WiFi?
Right.
One of the incentives to use the app is the chance to earn points with checkins. (What these points go toward is a mystery, but whatever.)
Great, right? Haha! No.
“Too far away?!” I’m IN THE LINE.
3. Basic human needs
People need food, clothing and shelter.
I would argue that you deprived us of the first for longer than necessary (see Complaint No. 1).
No. 2 is not applicable here. I live in the South. I know how to dress for a day at the theme park.
No. 3, though, is applicable when it comes to the rides. There is no reason you can’t have canopies over the lines for the rides.
We wanted to go on the Goliath, but the wait time appeared to be an hour in the broiling sun.
I would argue that hand sanitizer is now a basic human need. Why have sanitizing stations when you don’t fill them regularly? We tried five before we found one with fluid.
Also bathrooms need to be stocked with toilet paper. I can’t believe I have to tell you that.
After one ride and lunch, we were ready to leave.
Gideon: I’ve had enough for today. Let’s go and come back on a weekday or some night. Me: Good plan.
Please don’t send me an after-visit survey unless you really are planning to implement changes.
Your brother is a reporter after his mother’s heart.
Dominic: Did you know Gideon’s got a girlfriend? Me: What? No! Him: For a month now. Long distance. She lives in Arizona. Her name is Kate [redacted]. Me: What? How did they meet? Him: On Yubo. We made Dylan download it because he’s got no girl. Me: Is that like a dating social media app for y’all? Him: Yeah. Like Tinder. Me: Tinder for kids. Kinder!
😂
(I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server!)
Herds of people are celebrating your version of “Justice League.” That’s great for you. (I still don’t understand why it had to be four hours, but good for you and your “vision.”)
I did not watch the Joss Whedon version. My family invited me, but I declined.
Considering the fact that I fell asleep during “Batman v. Superman” and the last installment of the Bale Batman series, I thought it would be a pricey nap.
I’m just a Marvel kind of gal.
Why?
The characters are more interesting.
The story arcs make more sense.
There’s humor.
I’m never bored.
Before your fans come after me with torches, let me just say that these are all just my opinions. I realize that there are DC diehards. To each his own.
But I had planned to give your version a go because people I like and respect liked it.
I had not planned to be forced to watch it after a long day of driving and this adult Capri Sun.
But Dominic insisted.
After the first five minutes featured yelling only, I knew this was not the movie for me.
Me: How long does this screaming last? Dominic: [lengthy plot explanation] Me: I don’t want to know the plot. I’m watching it. I should be able just to watch this movie without back story.
How have I seen loads of DC movies and never seen/heard of Steppenwolf (the hammerhead supervillain made of what looks like razor blades)? Was I napping?
Why is Wonder Woman wearing a club dress to work?
Why does Aquaman even bother with shirts if he’s just going to leave them littering beaches?
I made it 38 minutes before I settled in for my DC nap.
You know it’s bad when Jason Momoa doesn’t hold my interest.
Even Eddie, who likes DC movies, was forced to watch it alone after three other people fell asleep on him twice.
This morning, Dominic made me watch the Flash scene where he saves Iris. Yes, it was cute. This is a good version of Flash. Also the comic relief. And I like Batfleck. (But he’s no Keaton.)
Still.
Four hours? Six chapters plus an epilogue? Lord.
But you know what? My opinion doesn’t matter. You have three fans IN MY OWN HOUSE to counteract me.
So good for you, and I wish you all the best. You seem like a really nice guy.
I know that the meme is comparing these two because of their beef, but Cardi B is an entertainer. Candace Owens is not.
It is possible that young girls can idolize both, and also various other public figures as well as people in their own lives.
We need to normalize black and brown people in positions of power. It shouldn’t be EITHER Cardi B OR Candace Owens.
Why is this a left/right thing?
I know you and loads of your kind (aka white Boomers) are clutching your pearls over Cardi B’s Grammy performance and the song in general.
I have thoughts about that too:
I bet you didn’t even watch. Your friends and people on chosen news outlets (i.e., Owens) told you that you should be wound up.
If you did watch and were offended, you could have turned it off.
It should not be considered offensive to celebrate female sexuality. (I got into it at Christmas over “WAP” vs. “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”)
All of this is so silly to me. All my life, I’ve heard older people lose their minds about music, video games, books and whatnot having a negative impact on children.
You know who should be worried about children? Their parents. Period.
I’m far from perfect, but I do frankly address topics like sex, drugs, etc., with my boys. I’d rather they hear the truth from me, as uncomfortable as it may be for them and for me.
So stop worrying about what other people and their children are/are not doing, and mind your own business.
Also, perhaps consider getting out of the meme game.
Sincerely,
Your daughter’s friend
*People actually complained to the FCC about the performance. Get a grip! It’s the Grammys. What do you expect? Everyone knew Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion were going to perform. Just change the channel if you don’t like it.
Observe and report 