You are complete bastards. I went out of town for TWO DAYS, and my beloved tomato plant went from this:
To this:
I didn’t even know why until I got close.
Hornworm.
I had never even heard of you. And then I had to Google how to get rid of you.
As per instructions, I plucked you off my plant and yeeted you into the sun. (Plucking was advised. Yeeting was not. Directions suggested killing you in soapy water.)
Look at this complete asshole. His name is Adolph.
I will be vigilant against your return, but I don’t know if my plant will rebound.
Gideon and I look happy. Of course, I took this just as we arrived. Ignorance is bliss.
Dear Six Flags Management:
My son and I visited Six Flags Over Georgia yesterday. A Saturday in June. We must have been high to think that was a good idea.
You can’t do anything about the sun or the heat, but you CAN do loads about the rest of the experience.
My complaints fall into three categories: customer service, your app and basic human needs.
1. Customer service
You have none. Not a single person working there wanted to work there. That was clear. And some who were “working” were not.
Case in point: Macho Nacho.
We went into the restaurant at 1:14 p.m. — prime lunch time. Though there are two sides, only one side was open — despite the fact that there was food out and ready to go on the unmanned side AND you clearly had the staff on hand.
A few minutes later, four employees came in with Icees and stood around watching the others work.
It was at this point that I went partial Karen and emailed guest relations.
Meanwhile, my son faded into oblivion.
One other thing: If you are going to advertise that you have guacamole, please have guacamole.
2. The Six Flags app
As I am a diamond member, you send me surveys all the time. You always ask about the app. I always tell you it sucks.
Why? It’s useless. It doesn’t provide any information you can’t get inside the park all over the place.
You know what makes a theme park app useful? Ride wait times. Every other theme park app has them.
Not yours.
Plus, you have to have cell service to use the app. Service in your park is nonexistent. And your WiFi?
Right.
One of the incentives to use the app is the chance to earn points with checkins. (What these points go toward is a mystery, but whatever.)
Great, right? Haha! No.
“Too far away?!” I’m IN THE LINE.
3. Basic human needs
People need food, clothing and shelter.
I would argue that you deprived us of the first for longer than necessary (see Complaint No. 1).
No. 2 is not applicable here. I live in the South. I know how to dress for a day at the theme park.
No. 3, though, is applicable when it comes to the rides. There is no reason you can’t have canopies over the lines for the rides.
We wanted to go on the Goliath, but the wait time appeared to be an hour in the broiling sun.
I would argue that hand sanitizer is now a basic human need. Why have sanitizing stations when you don’t fill them regularly? We tried five before we found one with fluid.
Also bathrooms need to be stocked with toilet paper. I can’t believe I have to tell you that.
After one ride and lunch, we were ready to leave.
Gideon: I’ve had enough for today. Let’s go and come back on a weekday or some night. Me: Good plan.
Please don’t send me an after-visit survey unless you really are planning to implement changes.
When did women sign up to be house managers? Hint: We didn’t.
Maybe in the Cleaver-style 1950s, things were more equitable. Men worked. Women stayed at home, raised the kids, and kept house. But now most women have full-time jobs and STILL have all the things to do at home.
Yes, there are exceptions. Yes, I’m oversimplifying. Yes, yes, yes.
But still my point remains.
I know you want to @ me with sentences that start with:
“But not all men … “
“But what about … “
“But I do … “
Please don’t.
Look. Listen. I’m sure you are lovely and think you are an equal partner.
But I bet you are not.
Ask the lady in your life. Listen to what she says.
Now that I’m conscious of mental load, I notice things I never noticed before. Gender roles are so ingrained.
A couple of weeks ago, we were visiting the house where my sister in law is staying until she gets her own place. It’s the home of a lovely professional couple. We were all outside chatting: three male adults, two male teenagers, three female adults. The lady of the house was being a good Southern hostess — getting drinks, bug spray, snacks, etc. My SIL disappeared. I found her in the kitchen alone making dinner. I rolled up my sleeves and started helping. We were in there working on dinner for about two hours while the guys had a nice chat outside.
To recap: Women inside making dinner or serving snacks/drinks. Men outside relaxing.
To be fair, when my SIL asked a couple of the men to help with one part of the dinner, they did.
But they had to be asked.
Now reread the article I linked.
That’s right.
Now do you see?
I thought you might.
Thanks in advance for taking on more of the mental load. Your partner will appreciate it.
I know that the meme is comparing these two because of their beef, but Cardi B is an entertainer. Candace Owens is not.
It is possible that young girls can idolize both, and also various other public figures as well as people in their own lives.
We need to normalize black and brown people in positions of power. It shouldn’t be EITHER Cardi B OR Candace Owens.
Why is this a left/right thing?
I know you and loads of your kind (aka white Boomers) are clutching your pearls over Cardi B’s Grammy performance and the song in general.
I have thoughts about that too:
I bet you didn’t even watch. Your friends and people on chosen news outlets (i.e., Owens) told you that you should be wound up.
If you did watch and were offended, you could have turned it off.
It should not be considered offensive to celebrate female sexuality. (I got into it at Christmas over “WAP” vs. “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”)
All of this is so silly to me. All my life, I’ve heard older people lose their minds about music, video games, books and whatnot having a negative impact on children.
You know who should be worried about children? Their parents. Period.
I’m far from perfect, but I do frankly address topics like sex, drugs, etc., with my boys. I’d rather they hear the truth from me, as uncomfortable as it may be for them and for me.
So stop worrying about what other people and their children are/are not doing, and mind your own business.
Also, perhaps consider getting out of the meme game.
Sincerely,
Your daughter’s friend
*People actually complained to the FCC about the performance. Get a grip! It’s the Grammys. What do you expect? Everyone knew Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion were going to perform. Just change the channel if you don’t like it.
This guy. Rep. Barry Fleming. UGH. He’s from the Georgia city that has the Laurel & Hardy Museum. His efforts would be a comedy if his fellow Republicans weren’t serious.
Dear Georgia GOP,
Hey, y’all! Georgia voter here. What you are doing with your omnibus elections bill is ridiculous. I know you are upset that President Biden won the state in November and Senators Ossoff/Warnock won their seats in January, but you can’t just change the rules because you lost.
Except you can, because that’s what you do (*cough* gerrymandering *cough*).
Stop being sore losers. Just mobilize your base and register new voters. You know, like Stacey Abrams did.
I’ve voted in every election. I voted absentee in November because, you know, PANDEMIC. I took a picture of myself at the ballot dropbox because I know how y’all like to pretend ballots are being returned by others. 🙄
Forcing a voter to make a copy of his/ her/their ID or get a witness for a signature IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
Reducing early voting IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
Eliminating no-excuse absentee voting IS NOT GOING TO STOP FRAUD.
It just makes voting a hassle for everyone.
Even the Georgia Secretary of State — a man in YOUR PARTY — says y’all lost because of unfounded conspiracy theories, not because of fraud.
Stop making it harder for people to vote. You should be reducing barriers. But I guess you aren’t interested in a fair fight. You want to rig the system.
Thanks to my last post, I now know of many people who have experienced frozen shoulder. All of them said that physical therapy is the only thing that expedites healing.
So I know you are doing your job, but you are so MEAN. So mean.
Within 10 minutes of meeting you, you pulled my arm way above my head, and counted to 10. Twice. Despite me squirming in pain.
I wanted to yell:
My arm doesn’t bend that way right now, lady. Stop trying to wrench it off!
But instead, I wept quietly.
You said:
I should give you to Michelle (the other therapist). She doesn’t care about tears. I’m the nice one.
You are the nice one? Shudder.
To be honest, the physical therapist I had before my insurance changed (join me for a future TED Talk on that nightmare) was too nice. I didn’t see any improvement in range of motion. But I chalked that up to being in the “freezing” stage.
I do see an improvement in just a couple of days with you. Part of it could be that I’m religiously doing the exercises because I am scared of you.
I know you’ve seen your share of people with my condition.
I know you know what you are doing.
I know this is what I need.
I also know that I don’t want to ever see you again.
But I’ll see you Monday.
Your terrified victim respectful client,
Beth
*If you don’t immediately start singing “Jump Around,” something is wrong with you.
**This is her name. She’s Brazilian. She is merciless.
On Jan. 6 and afterward, Auntie Beth saw loads of people trying to compare the Capitol event with the Black Lives Matter protests.
So let’s break down the concept of false equivalency.
Why might a comparison not be a fair one? There are two big reasons:
The comparison notes similarities but not differences. For example, I listed three major protests. They have in common inciting incidents — the election of Donald Trump, the killing of George Floyd and the 2020 election — and that they were all protests. But there are major differences: number of people protesting, nature of inciting incidents, amount of violence, number of arrests.
The comparison ignores magnitude and/or nature of difference. The number of arrests in BLM versus MSA is huge. That would indicate that the BLM protests were much more violent than MSA. Were they? Or is there something else at play? According to a recent study, it is the latter. Police are three times more likely to use force against left-wing protestors than right-wing. Arrests follow.
In the Facebook examples above comparing BLM to MSA, it is not accurate to identify “Democrat” response to BLM versus MSA as hypocrisy. That is false equivalence. Why? Three reasons:
Peaceful assembly is a First Amendment right. Nancy Pelosi, etc., can call for protests just as Trump, etc., can. Calling for violence is a completely different thing. (Also, please note that the remarks in the meme are missing context. And let’s also note the peacefulness of the Women’s March. That’s how you protest, folks!)
Democrats did not condone the BLM violence. In fact, many spoke out against it, including Biden.
The underlying reason for the protests is markedly different. The BLM movement began because police killed black men. The MSA protest began because Trump told a lie about a “stolen” election. We can agree to disagree on approaches, but facts are facts: There is no evidence of election fraud. Plus, death ≠ fraud, asking for power ≠displaying power.
Believing in conspiracies like that has consequences. Look at this slide Auntie Beth took from a recent talk on child trafficking that she attended.
See that second point? People drawn in by conspiracy theories took away from services for actual victims. (Educate yourself here.)
Y’all, Auntie Beth would like to remind you of the concept of Occam’s razor: The simplest explanation is likely the right one.
So you can believe in a vast pedophilia ring led by Tom Hanks, among others, or just freakin’ NOT. (Auntie Beth cannot believe she had to write that.)
You can believe that local, state, national and international forces banded together to “give” Biden the win, or you can believe that more people voted for him than voted for Trump. (I mean, just think about the former. All those people can keep a secret? Please.)
Observe and report 