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Posts Tagged ‘Travel’

Feeling peevish over pudding #SundayStories

Posted in Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2026| 4 Comments »

Dear Organizers of the Georgia State Banana Pudding Festival:

As soon as I found out about this festival and realized it coincided with the day my son Dominic and I planned to drive from Atlanta to Savannah, I knew it was on the agenda.

I’ve been to many festivals and fairs. I have expectations. I can manage those expectations depending on the scope of the venture. Claxton Rattlesnake Roundup? It’s an annual, small-town, lookie-loo event. No expectations. McMinnville UFO Festival? Bigger event with a parade and a weekend of planned speakers. Higher expectations.

The banana pudding festival appears to be an annual state event with enough social media presence to get on the radar of someone in Oregon.

I had expectations.

I did not expect to wait 20 minutes on a two-lane road to be directed into a field to park — one of three, all off this same two-lane road.

I did not expect to wait another 30 minutes in line to pay a $10 entry fee. (Who charges an entry fee at a festival like this?!)

I did not expect to wait another hour in line to pay $10 to sample banana pudding along the “Puddin’ Path.”

This is the line for the Puddin’ Path.
Dominic is so happy to finally be able to eat some pudding.

What — and I mean this sincerely — the fuck?!

One hour and $10 to sample eight versions of banana pudding, two of which were inedible? [One was “sourdough” (What? No. Stop.), and one was pecan praline (so sweet that I immediately contracted diabetes).]

And that’s it. Those eight samples equaled the only banana pudding available at the Georgia State Banana Pudding Festival.

You are deeply unserious festival planners. Clearly.

So what did our entry fee get us?

A vendors fair with all manner of offerings, including “sassy sewing.”
A variety of wood creations and whatnot for sale.
A few people with festival spirit.
Hate crimes in merch form.
An obstacle course driven by a blindfolded tractor driver.
The ability to take this photo.

Not pictured: the 30-minute line for two porta-potties. Yes: TWO.

Also not pictured: The person running for Secretary of State who talked to us about his immigration stance, assuming we had the same political beliefs. Sir, I’m not your target audience, for a variety of reasons.

You know what WAS worth it: Spending this time with Dominic grousing about how lame your festival was. We are two of a kind and ended up having a great time.

So thanks. I guess.
Beth

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I’d like my taco to go …

Posted in Politics, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2025| 5 Comments »

Dear Trump (aka Tacolini):

I was at your birthday “party.” It was an accident, believe me. I booked a flight months ago to go to Washington, D.C., for a conference. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I realized I’d be flying in on the day of your vanity parade.

What a waste of taxpayer money. It’s as bad as your weekly golf trips.

Yet we can’t afford cancer research, SNAP benefits, Medicaid, an HIV vaccine, etc.

Sure. 🙄

Anyway.

I’m staying up near DuPont Circle, which was a ghost town. I assumed it was because everyone was still at a No Kings protest or at your thing.

Maybe the former, but certainly not the latter. Admittedly, I got there near the end. (Yes, I went because I’m nosy).

I expected to see a whole bunch of your acolytes. I saw maybe three obvious ones and a couple I suspect.

Maybe these folks? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It seemed … poorly attended. I thought I must be missing something. I had a look at social media to see.

Oooh. That’s got to sting.

Oh, yes. Look at you:

Sour Puss next to Whiskey Pete, the DUI hire

It couldn’t happen to a worse person. I hope you had a terrible day. Sorry, not sorry.

I have never liked you. That’s never been a secret. You are everything people teach their kids not to be: greedy, petty, vindictive, boastful, willfully ignorant, etc.

And your policies actively hurt most people and help only very rich people.

[For people who say I have Trump Derangement Syndrome, and my life is better because of Trump, you can f—- all the way off. I know my life, and it was made worse by this idiot’s policies the first time (taxes, work experiences), and already this second time (work repercussions).]

I mean, look at you already backing off your immigration stance.

It’s only because you realized it was hurting your wealthy friends who employ undocumented workers.

As I was walking around, I was pleased to see a few things, such as these lightpost signs:

And then, I saw this:

Awww. So much empty.

There was a significant police presence, but not enough humans around to justify.

I heard some sirens and noise, so I followed the sound and found some people leaving the Washington Monument area.

It was a mix of people leaving the parade plus leftover No Kings. Then I went down the block a bit.

Some chanting, that’s it. Peaceful protest.

I was wearing my “Maybe today, Satan” shirt, but I did not get involved. Frankly, in my heart I know not ACAB, but I saw what enforcement folks did to reporters and regulars in L.A. I have a conference to attend, and I can’t do it from the hospital or jail.

Maybe. Maybe not.

So I left, and I ate a lovely dinner at Nando’s. Did NOT raise a glass to you.

I hope you are miserable knowing that millions of people turned out in cities large and small in the U.S. and abroad to protest you and all those who enable you — your junk drawer of a “Cabinet,” the spineless sycophants in Congress, your donors, and anyone who voted for you and still supports you.

I hope you had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

With no regards,
Beth

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Songs, suplexes and a savior on the sea #SundayStories

Posted in Music, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2025| 2 Comments »

Dear Friends and Family,

This time last week, I was on a cruise. I didn’t pay the exorbitant fee for ship WiFi, and I was thus blissfully unaware of Leon and his band of Hitler youth interns hijacking the Treasury. Among other things. 🙄

Oh those halcyon days!

Anyway.

What kind of cruise?

Chris Jericho’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling Rager at Sea.

Listen: I grew up in Georgia. Y’all know I’m a redneck.

Wrestling was a part of my childhood. Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream, was like kin. One of my first crushes was Robert Fuller, whose tag-team partner was Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man.

All Elite Wrestling is the best. It’s far superior in storylines to World Wrestling Entertainment. It’s like a soap opera featuring sweaty men. And one of the best characters is Chris Jericho. He understands the assignment.

Jericho is on the right wearing a onesie featuring cats and tacos.

Jericho also fronts one of my favorite bands: Fozzy. Fozzy performed on the cruise, along with a bunch of other bands.

Wrestling AND rock music? It’s the perfect combo for me. I’ve been wanting to go on this cruise for years.

Pre-trip, people would ask where the ship was going. I answered, “I don’t know. I don’t care.” Turns out: Puerto Plata, DR. Fine. I was there for what was happening on the Norwegian Gem.

In addition to Fozzy, the lineup featured the return of Great White. Yes, THAT Great White. They have a new singer. He’s very talented and VERY young. Was DEF not alive during the band’s first go ‘round.

The singer bears a striking resemblance to 20-hour Tina’s daughter Elsa.

Others: Kuarantine (another Jericho-fronted band, this one focused on KISS covers of the no-makeup years), Guardians of the Jukebox (all covers), Excitable (a Def Leppard tribute band), Nocturnal Affair (a screamy metal band), and — another favorite of mine — The Hot Damn!

Love them. Listen to “I Didn’t Like You Anyway” or “Automatic.”

And then there was the wrestling.

Ricochet and Komander put on an acrobatic show. This isn’t your dad’s wrestling extravaganza.

There was at least one show per day along with photo opps, autograph sessions, podcasts and random other events — events like a belly-flop contest.

Here’s Will Ospreay with his stellar attempt.

As you are all on a boat together, you could find yourself riding the elevator with Toni Storm.

Or passing Turbo Floyd of the Outrunners in a hallway.

He’s right out of the ‘80s all the time!

Or standing in line at the bar with Jesus.

What was hilarious later is that Fozzy has a song called, “Drinking with Jesus.” The crowd was SO EXCITED and lifted this man up to the front. Sadly, Jericho didn’t even notice. Missed opportunity, I say.

As for drinking, I started the cruise still doing Dry January. Friends, that is a rough choice. ROUGH. Especially when I hear fellow passengers say things like this about their own drinks:

“I’m drunk, and I can tell that’s strong. Got DAMN, that’s strong!”*

But I made it.

And I didn’t get crazy on the trip, either. Unlike others. Look at Will Ospreay’s face after a night of drunken karaoke:

Let me tell you: Cruises are GREAT for people watching.

On the last day at sea, my traveling friend and I sat and watched people for hours. I asked him if he was going to get a chair massage like the dude next to us.

He said, “Absolutely not.”

I said, “Why not? You liked the last massage you got.”

He said, “That was in a nice relaxing cave. This is on a ship surrounded by weird people with Great White doing a sound check in the background.”

Fair enough.

Five days, four nights of events tailored to my interests? Yes, please.

I mean, JUST LOOK!

I’ll tell you this: It was the first time on this cruise, but it won’t be the last.

Who is coming with me next time?

Let’s go!
Beth

*Yes, “got damn” with a “t.”

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Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive* #NYE #2024 #BuhBYE

Posted in Friends, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2024| 2 Comments »

Dear 2024:

You were a mixed bag. A review of my posts this year reflects high highs and low lows.

For this post, though, I’m going to focus on the positive.

I got to see both of my sons at Christmas. Joy!

  1. My younger son (Gideon) chose to study environmental science at the university for which I work. That means free tuition, a great education, and I get to see him all the time. He earned two As and a B in his first semester and loves it.
  2. My older son (Dominic) attended Navy A School in Pensacola, Florida, graduated fourth in his class, and is about to go to Norfolk, Virginia. He seems happy, mature and focused.
  3. Ex (Eddie) is dating a lovely woman who was gracious enough to invite me over for Christmas dinner.
  4. My man friend and I got to explore more of Oregon: Bend, hot springs, Seal Rock, Eugene, etc.
  5. Got to see St. Louis family, framily and friends for Thanksgiving. Man, I miss that town and those people. Gideon went with me, begrudgingly according to him. At the end, he had this to say, “I actually had a good time.” Actually. 🙄
  6. Though I miss St. Louis, I love my job and my coworkers. Oregon is growing on me.
  7. Wendy and Wallace visited me this month, and we managed to all spill beer on Wallace. Lucky him!
  8. I’ve been taking care of my granddog (Vince) while Gideon is with his father on winter break. Leo and Vince are getting along. That in itself is a Christmas miracle.
  9. Saw “Wicked” the movie, “DRAG the Musical” and “A Wonderful World” in New York, along with friends Michael, Shane, Jason and Brooke while I was there for my birthday.
  10. Also got to see my birth father. Third year in a row of going out to see him as part of my birthday weekend. Cool, right? Seems fitting. And we are trying to make up for lost time.
  11. 36-hour Tina broke her own record. New moniker: 20-hour Tina. She got into New York at 2 p.m. on my birthday, and I dropped her off at La Guardia at 10 the next morning. In between, we ate at trendy Cocodaq, participated in “Life and Trust,” shopped at Bryant Park, and stayed at the notorious Standard High Line.
  12. I won “Squid Game: The Experience.”
I won the mask I’m wearing, entrance to the VIP lounge, 20% off items in the gift shop, and bragging rights.
Brooke told me I was the only one to make it across the finish line in Red Light, Green Light. All those years of having to freeze in various plays during my MFA years paid off!
Brooke and I enjoy the Squid Game VIP lounge.
Hour Two of 20-hour Tina’s visit
Look at this chicken. In the bucket. (Not Tina, as she’s fairly brave.)
Birthday brunch with Michael — a delight!
I always have to see the Rockefeller Center tree.
And watch the OG Grinch every year.
While I was visiting the boys in Savannah, I picked up a few necessities I can’t get in Oregon.
Leo and Vince
See? Getting along.

I’m hopeful that 2025 has more ups than downs, but I remain thankful for the abundance of joy in my life.

Happy New Year!
Beth

*Johnny Mercer, of course.

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Eat it* #ThankfulThursday

Posted in Random, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2024| 4 Comments »

Hey kids!

Auntie Beth knows the holidays can be polarizing, and it’s not just because of voting habits.

It’s the cranberry sauce.

There will never be peace between the warring factions of jarred vs. whole berry.

For the record, Auntie Beth likes them both.

Grandma Kathy’s is a whole-berry house.

Let’s start there and examine the Thanksgiving staples:

Whole-berry cranberry sauce FTW.
Also polarizing: green bean casserole. Auntie Beth is a fan.
Not a fan of gravy, though.
Mashed potatoes with the secret ingredient: cream cheese. Not great for the waistline, but worth it.
Mac and cheese with about 27 different kinds of cheese.
Dressing (NOT stuffing as it didn’t go in the turkey).
Keep the carb fest going with rolls.
Roasted carrots with sage and brown butter.
A little salad so folks can pretend to be healthy.
THE MAIN EVENT
Pumpkin pies: Libby’s regular on the left, fresh on the right.

For this Thanksgiving, we also had some different choices:

Brie and fig jam puffs
Deviled eggs
Whatever these are (delicious)

What are some dishes you can’t live without for Thanksgiving? Tell us all in the comments.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Auntie Beth

*Weird Al

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Hot hot hot* #TuesdayTravels

Posted in Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2024| 9 Comments »

Hey kids!

Auntie Beth wants to share some travel advice to distract you from A VERY BIG THING happening today.

If you like near-death experiences, the pervasive smell of weed, and 20-somethings in beanies, Auntie Beth has the place for you:

Oregon’s Umpqua Hot Springs

Doesn’t this look delightful? (Photo credit)

Soak Oregon will put the fear of God in you: “The last few miles [to the trail head] are on a rough road, so we recommend a high-clearance vehicle.”

Don’t pay any attention to that. (Auntie Beth nearly rented a Jeep. She would have been PISSED OFF if she had wasted that money. She was totally fine in her tiny, low-clearance VW.)

Soak Oregon also warns, “This trail is steep.”

Do pay attention to that.

The part that has a makeshift hand rail does not need it, and the part that absolutely does need one does NOT.

Auntie Beth tripped on a tree root and nearly toppled backward onto her man friend, which would surely have sent him to his death (not that she is being dramatic in any way).

A rare quiet moment at the hot springs.

There should have been warnings about other things.

• Facilities. The U.S. Forest Service notes a vault toilet on site. It does not mention that the smell emanating from it is akin to a fleet of porta potties after Lollapalooza.

• The horde of hippies. It was just after lunch on a Tuesday. Auntie Beth had taken the day off. Had all these young people done the same thing? Or was this their job as “influencers” or something? There were so many of them — probably 40 total in pods of five and six — clogging all the pools.

• Dress code. Auntie Beth had been warned that Oregon hot springs are nakie. She was resigned to her derobed destiny. What she found might have been worse: the entire Columbia Sportswear catalog.

• Pot. The Hot Springs Hippies LOVED them some weed. Auntie Beth is no square, but does not understand the allure of smoking when edibles exist. (Don’t people care about their lungs?) Also, secondhand smoke is AWFUL. So skunky.

Auntie Beth took this pic after the first wave of visitors cleared out.

With rising concern (i.e., panic) about the hike back down, a burgeoning pot-induced headache, and general distaste for crowds, Auntie Beth felt the need to cut her visit short.

See that tight-lipped smile? Auntie Beth is not feeling the restorative effects of the hot springs.

No fewer than two wannabe travel guides insisted that Auntie Beth and Man Friend should explore the lower pools.

“No, thank you.”

If this sounds like your idea of a good time, ENJOY!

One of the locals Auntie Beth met at the nearby convenience store did say that the time to go is first thing in the morning as no one is there.

(Right. That’s because it is SO VERY COLD outside.)

Anyway, tell them Auntie Beth sent you.

*Buster!

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Roam if you want to* #MondayMotivation

Posted in Friends, Travel, tagged , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2024| 2 Comments »

Dear Mary,

Thanks for taking me up on my offer to show you around the Willamette Valley. It was a great mix of old and new for me!

New:

Wine tasting at Durant, where the view was spectacular but the wine was not. ($6 per taste of what amounted to witch hazel. No, thank you.)
They should stick to olive oil as they do that VERY well.
Chef’s counter at I.ki.gai. Fried okra for us. Clock the hat. This chef knows.

Thanks to Jason‘s inspiration, I actually suggested a “hike.” Thankfully, you and I were of the same mind.

Look at these massive shamrocks! (Alright, I think it’s wood sorrel.)
If you stay at home, you don’t see this.
Or this part of the North Falls.
Or expend 300 calories on these stairs alone.
Totally worth it.
Especially getting to go behind the falls.
The South Falls were less impressive.
Then we treated ourselves to wood-fired pizza and White Pinot Noir at Left Coast Estate. Peer pressured into buying yet another bottle of wine? FINE.
The view! I had to stop the car.

Old:

Brooks Winery never disappoints.
I don’t care if I’ve seen you a day ago or 12 years ago (Mary!), Brooks is the place to go.
And then there’s Leo.

Thanks for coming, and I hope to see you again soon!

Your friend,
Beth

*B-52’s of course.

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Visit Oregon, specifically me! #SundayStories

Posted in Friends, Travel, tagged , , , , , , on August 25, 2024| 3 Comments »

Dear Friends and Family,

I’ve been in Oregon a year. I’ve had a visit from one friend. (Shout-out to Amber. Holla!)

Listen, I’ll make it worth your while. Here are some fun things we can do:

We can go to the coast, like Amber and I did.
I’ll introduce you to Benjamin Franklin.
We can drink wine at one of the 30+ vineyards within a 20-mile radius of my house.
I’ll take you to Lumpy’s Tavern, my favorite dive bar.
You can shop for unique and/or fun merch.
We will eat our weight in delicious food at Din Tai Fung.
We can visit the beautiful Lan Su Chinese Garden in downtown Portland.
And we can marvel at the lotus.
Though I’m not super outdoorsy, we could go on a low-impact hike like I did recently with my friend Jason.
(When Jason suggested this, I was horrified. But here I am at the end of the “hike” — alive and sweat-free.)
We can eat blackberries from the side of the road.
We might play Skip-Bo on my porch.

One thing is for certain, though:

Leo will judge you.

Make your plans to visit me now.

Hope to see you soon!

Love,
Beth

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Part of the world might be all sunshine and rainbows #Rocky #SundayStories

Posted in Travel, tagged , , , , , , on August 11, 2024| 2 Comments »

Dear Philly:

It’s been YEARS since I’ve been in your environs. But you are where my annual journalism educators conference was held.

I think I like you better than I did when I was last here — about 15 years ago. And I liked you then.

You have history:

Pop culture:

(Here’s a hint if that means nothing to you:)

AND plenty of cool new things to do. Like the Cauldron Bar, where you can make potions.

I love themed things like this.

My fellow witch and wizard discussed creative evening options available now during our concoction brewing.

I want to DO things when I go out: sing karaoke, try to dominate at trivia, play darts, suck at pool, do an escape room, trash talk during mini golf, murder someone at Skee ball. I don’t want to sit around at a bar.

There are more places cropping up where you can do these things, and the focus isn’t on drinking.

Philly, you even have Karaoke Taxi.

Whuuuuut?!

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Anyway, I had a great time. Thanks. I’ll be back. I’m def an East Coast girl.

Also, you have Dunkin’ Donuts, so …

Love ya!
Beth

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Southern comfort #SundayStories

Posted in Home Sweet Home, Travel, tagged , , , , , , on April 11, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Dear Fellow Southerners:

I don’t think we know just how weird we are until we get around people who “ain’t from around here.”

Y’all* know I was just in Savannah. While there, I had to load up on things I can’t get in Oregon.

  1. Collard greens. When I find them in Oregon, the leaves are small and anemic. I’m used to ones the size of tobacco leaves.
  2. Barbecue sauce. Vinegar-based. Don’t give me any of that sweet Kansas City crap.
  3. Crab Shack hot sauce and seasoning. They also have a mustard-based barbecue sauce that’s pretty good.
  4. Applewood-smoked bacon. There is no comparison to meat from the Ogeechee Meat Market.
  5. Pimento cheese-flavored popcorn. Yes, please.
  6. Fresh okra. I asked for it at Roth’s the other day, and you would have thought I asked for a package of human fingers.
  7. Coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. That is not a Southern thing, but there’s no runnin’ on Dunkin’ in the PNW. Probably because of Starbucks. I don’t want DD ground coffee. I can get that. I want the in-store brewed coffee. So I froze a Box o’ Joe and packed it.

More than half of my 44-pound suitcase (!) filled with groceries.

One morning this week, I woke up singing “BFE” by Kane Brown. That was the morning I decided to have fried okra for breakfast. That’s right: cut, bathed in egg, coated in a mix of seasonings, flour and corn meal. For breakfast. I made it slightly healthier by popping it in the air fryer.

And so I’m singing the song, dredging this okra in breading, and I realized this:

You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl.

I smiled, and kept on going.

My okra was amazing.

Look at it!

Clearly, I ain’t from around here.

And that’s ok. It makes me appreciate my background even more.

All y’all have a good day, ya hear!

Your Redneck Friend,
Beth (the devil who went down to Georgia 😂)

*Legit contraction not limited to the South anymore.

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