Gideon and I look happy. Of course, I took this just as we arrived. Ignorance is bliss.
Dear Six Flags Management:
My son and I visited Six Flags Over Georgia yesterday. A Saturday in June. We must have been high to think that was a good idea.
You can’t do anything about the sun or the heat, but you CAN do loads about the rest of the experience.
My complaints fall into three categories: customer service, your app and basic human needs.
1. Customer service
You have none. Not a single person working there wanted to work there. That was clear. And some who were “working” were not.
Case in point: Macho Nacho.
We went into the restaurant at 1:14 p.m. — prime lunch time. Though there are two sides, only one side was open — despite the fact that there was food out and ready to go on the unmanned side AND you clearly had the staff on hand.
A few minutes later, four employees came in with Icees and stood around watching the others work.
It was at this point that I went partial Karen and emailed guest relations.
Meanwhile, my son faded into oblivion.
One other thing: If you are going to advertise that you have guacamole, please have guacamole.
2. The Six Flags app
As I am a diamond member, you send me surveys all the time. You always ask about the app. I always tell you it sucks.
Why? It’s useless. It doesn’t provide any information you can’t get inside the park all over the place.
You know what makes a theme park app useful? Ride wait times. Every other theme park app has them.
Not yours.
Plus, you have to have cell service to use the app. Service in your park is nonexistent. And your WiFi?
Right.
One of the incentives to use the app is the chance to earn points with checkins. (What these points go toward is a mystery, but whatever.)
Great, right? Haha! No.
“Too far away?!” I’m IN THE LINE.
3. Basic human needs
People need food, clothing and shelter.
I would argue that you deprived us of the first for longer than necessary (see Complaint No. 1).
No. 2 is not applicable here. I live in the South. I know how to dress for a day at the theme park.
No. 3, though, is applicable when it comes to the rides. There is no reason you can’t have canopies over the lines for the rides.
We wanted to go on the Goliath, but the wait time appeared to be an hour in the broiling sun.
I would argue that hand sanitizer is now a basic human need. Why have sanitizing stations when you don’t fill them regularly? We tried five before we found one with fluid.
Also bathrooms need to be stocked with toilet paper. I can’t believe I have to tell you that.
After one ride and lunch, we were ready to leave.
Gideon: I’ve had enough for today. Let’s go and come back on a weekday or some night. Me: Good plan.
Please don’t send me an after-visit survey unless you really are planning to implement changes.
Thank you for sharing with me the link to the car you want.
I regret to inform you that we are not going to get you a car at this time.
There are three very good reasons for this decision:
You do not yet have your license. You only have a permit until September.
You haven’t saved up enough money.
You are failing four out of seven classes.
Also, a MUSTANG? As a teenaged boy? A teenaged boy with terrible grades? You will not be able to afford the insurance. We will not be able to afford the insurance.
You said you wanted a car to be able to drive yourself to football practice, thus making it easier for us.
Thank you for your concern.
What I can offer you is my bus pass. The No. 25 goes right to your school.
Love,
Mama
*Thanks, Tracy Chapman. (Now try to get that song out of your head.)
When did women sign up to be house managers? Hint: We didn’t.
Maybe in the Cleaver-style 1950s, things were more equitable. Men worked. Women stayed at home, raised the kids, and kept house. But now most women have full-time jobs and STILL have all the things to do at home.
Yes, there are exceptions. Yes, I’m oversimplifying. Yes, yes, yes.
But still my point remains.
I know you want to @ me with sentences that start with:
“But not all men … “
“But what about … “
“But I do … “
Please don’t.
Look. Listen. I’m sure you are lovely and think you are an equal partner.
But I bet you are not.
Ask the lady in your life. Listen to what she says.
Now that I’m conscious of mental load, I notice things I never noticed before. Gender roles are so ingrained.
A couple of weeks ago, we were visiting the house where my sister in law is staying until she gets her own place. It’s the home of a lovely professional couple. We were all outside chatting: three male adults, two male teenagers, three female adults. The lady of the house was being a good Southern hostess — getting drinks, bug spray, snacks, etc. My SIL disappeared. I found her in the kitchen alone making dinner. I rolled up my sleeves and started helping. We were in there working on dinner for about two hours while the guys had a nice chat outside.
To recap: Women inside making dinner or serving snacks/drinks. Men outside relaxing.
To be fair, when my SIL asked a couple of the men to help with one part of the dinner, they did.
But they had to be asked.
Now reread the article I linked.
That’s right.
Now do you see?
I thought you might.
Thanks in advance for taking on more of the mental load. Your partner will appreciate it.
Herds of people are celebrating your version of “Justice League.” That’s great for you. (I still don’t understand why it had to be four hours, but good for you and your “vision.”)
I did not watch the Joss Whedon version. My family invited me, but I declined.
Considering the fact that I fell asleep during “Batman v. Superman” and the last installment of the Bale Batman series, I thought it would be a pricey nap.
I’m just a Marvel kind of gal.
Why?
The characters are more interesting.
The story arcs make more sense.
There’s humor.
I’m never bored.
Before your fans come after me with torches, let me just say that these are all just my opinions. I realize that there are DC diehards. To each his own.
But I had planned to give your version a go because people I like and respect liked it.
I had not planned to be forced to watch it after a long day of driving and this adult Capri Sun.
But Dominic insisted.
After the first five minutes featured yelling only, I knew this was not the movie for me.
Me: How long does this screaming last? Dominic: [lengthy plot explanation] Me: I don’t want to know the plot. I’m watching it. I should be able just to watch this movie without back story.
How have I seen loads of DC movies and never seen/heard of Steppenwolf (the hammerhead supervillain made of what looks like razor blades)? Was I napping?
Why is Wonder Woman wearing a club dress to work?
Why does Aquaman even bother with shirts if he’s just going to leave them littering beaches?
I made it 38 minutes before I settled in for my DC nap.
You know it’s bad when Jason Momoa doesn’t hold my interest.
Even Eddie, who likes DC movies, was forced to watch it alone after three other people fell asleep on him twice.
This morning, Dominic made me watch the Flash scene where he saves Iris. Yes, it was cute. This is a good version of Flash. Also the comic relief. And I like Batfleck. (But he’s no Keaton.)
Still.
Four hours? Six chapters plus an epilogue? Lord.
But you know what? My opinion doesn’t matter. You have three fans IN MY OWN HOUSE to counteract me.
So good for you, and I wish you all the best. You seem like a really nice guy.
I know that the meme is comparing these two because of their beef, but Cardi B is an entertainer. Candace Owens is not.
It is possible that young girls can idolize both, and also various other public figures as well as people in their own lives.
We need to normalize black and brown people in positions of power. It shouldn’t be EITHER Cardi B OR Candace Owens.
Why is this a left/right thing?
I know you and loads of your kind (aka white Boomers) are clutching your pearls over Cardi B’s Grammy performance and the song in general.
I have thoughts about that too:
I bet you didn’t even watch. Your friends and people on chosen news outlets (i.e., Owens) told you that you should be wound up.
If you did watch and were offended, you could have turned it off.
It should not be considered offensive to celebrate female sexuality. (I got into it at Christmas over “WAP” vs. “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”)
All of this is so silly to me. All my life, I’ve heard older people lose their minds about music, video games, books and whatnot having a negative impact on children.
You know who should be worried about children? Their parents. Period.
I’m far from perfect, but I do frankly address topics like sex, drugs, etc., with my boys. I’d rather they hear the truth from me, as uncomfortable as it may be for them and for me.
So stop worrying about what other people and their children are/are not doing, and mind your own business.
Also, perhaps consider getting out of the meme game.
Sincerely,
Your daughter’s friend
*People actually complained to the FCC about the performance. Get a grip! It’s the Grammys. What do you expect? Everyone knew Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion were going to perform. Just change the channel if you don’t like it.
I know you don’t need my thanks — you’ve got $5.3 billion to give you comfort — but I do appreciate you. Without you, there would be no Fortnite. And without Fortnite, I wouldn’t have had this weekend’s bonding experience with Dominic.
Dominic had his friend Dylan over (COVID bubble FTW), and Gideon was at work. They were playing something together, but Dominic died in the game. Dylan was still going.
Dominic, emerging from his trash heap room: Do you want to play Fortnite? Me: Me? Him: Yes. Me (shocked): Sure. Give me a few minutes. Narrator: She did not want to play Fortnite, but knew she likely wouldn’t be asked again.
Him: Don’t tell Gideon. He doesn’t like people touching his stuff. Narrator: She told Gideon the second he got home. The response? “You played Fortnite without me?”
He showed me what all the buttons on the controller did.
Him: Push this one to jump. Me: I won’t be jumping. Him: OK. Just look and move and shoot.
He helped me set up my avatar. There is a mind-boggling array of choices. It took longer to choose my getup than it did to play the game.
Once that was done, we started the game. He took me to a quiet place so I wouldn’t get killed while I was learning how to play.
I managed to pick up some weapons, steal a truck, and fix my arm after a storm.
Dominic gave me his medical kit.
Awwwww.
During all this, I heard Dylan through Dominic’s headset:
Dylan: Is she any good? Dominic: Yeah. She can run and follow directions.
Mostly, I followed Dominic. He was very patient. At one point, I said I liked the music that was playing.
Dominic: That’s not good music. That’s a bad sign. We need to get out of here.
The game didn’t last long. Someone sniped me while I was swimming across a lake.
Then it was time for Dylan to go home.
Dominic, coming in to shut off the game: That was good. You’re a lot better than our father.
That made me feel all warm inside.
(Sorry, Eddie.)
So thanks, Tim, for creating something that led to a a few lovely moments with my prickly teenager.
I will not be surprised AT ALL when you get the ‘Rona. You took no precautions. I was, quite frankly, horrified.
Yes, we visited too, but we took ample precautions:
We stayed in our four-person bubble.
We stayed at a reputable hotel.
We wore masks everywhere but the hotel room and the car.
We washed our hands and sanitized ourselves regularly.
You, however, did NOT do all of those things.
Example 1: Dinner Friday night
After we went to see a movie (yes, in a theater for the first time since February*), we went to Big River Grille for our reservation. We ran a gauntlet featuring about 15 unmasked people around the door.
Then the hostess tried to sit us in a booth next to another group. My back would have been six inches from some stranger’s back.
NO, THANK YOU.
See Rock City’s sanitizing stations.
Example 2: Ruby Falls on Sunday
There were about a thousand signs saying Ruby Falls is a TOUCH-FREE CAVE. Not only is it bad for the stalagmites and stalactites (oils from human hands keep the formations from growing) but CORONAVIRUS, HELLO!
Our very-loud guide must have said “no touching” 437 times. Every single time, a guy in the group in front of us could not help himself. He touched EVERYTHING.
Observe and report 