Why are you still here? I hate you so much. I’ve managed to avoid you for more than two years (safety first!), but you finally got me.
How? I don’t know. You tell me!
Having an incubation period of 2-14 days makes tracking source difficult.
All I know is that I got my second booster Friday. By Sunday, I had a sore throat. I took two tests from two different companies. Both negative.
See? Negative.
On Monday, I felt like crap: headache, body pain. I was already scheduled to go to a new doctor to establish care.
Me: I got the second booster Friday and feel terrible today. Her: That’s the booster. I wouldn’t have recommended you get the second one so soon. Me: They recommended after six months. Her: Yeah, but you don’t have comorbidities. Me: Right.
The cough started Tuesday.
The runny nose started yesterday.
I decided to take another test.
Uh oh.
And then another from a different brand.
I was furious and mortified.
I spent my weekend living my best life as the infection vector I apparently am: garden tour and antiques fair with neighbors, dinner with a colleague, handyman direction on wall patches, “Stranger Things” with my sister, card games with neighbors.
It’s possible I was exposed to you on my flight home from Savannah: Two hours on the runway (weather delay), an hour at the gate (more fuel), an hour in the air. I was one of only three people wearing a mask (because, of course, you no longer exist 🙄).
I don’t know.
I do know that I had another busy week/weekend planned, including lunch for about 15 family members at my place. But now, thanks to you, I will spend the next 5-10 days on my own with just Leo Richardson to keep me company.
Leo, who also is not feeling well.
Leo, the cat who (likely) got COVID.
Gee, I wonder how he could have caught COVID. (Note: I am not kissing the cat. He was sleeping on my shoulder, and I turned my head for the pic.)
So thanks SO MUCH for your continued presence in all of our lives.
Gideon left his glasses at a friend’s house. Friend and friend’s mom sent them back via UPS. They never arrived. Tracking number came up as “invalid” on phone searches. A computer search turned it up in Alpharetta. Where? I don’t know. This is all the information I had:
Left at the front desk WHERE in Alpharetta? Friend and mom shipped from Brookhaven to Gideon in Savannah! (Note: Brookhaven is 20 miles away from Alpharetta, and both are more than 270 miles from Savannah.)
So I filed a claim.
A month went by with no answer.
I emailed you.
This is what you said:
Shan K., I can ASSURE you it was not delivered to the address.
I wrote back. (I TRIED to call, but was hung up on TWICE.)
Then Ana Z got involved.
The delivery address was correct. I confirmed that with friend and friend’s mom and THE ACTUAL RECEIPT.
They sent it from Brookhaven. The package ended up in Alpharetta.
There are EIGHT UPS stores in Alpharetta.
I called ALL EIGHT stores looking for a Richard who was working there in March. The LAST store I called was the only one with a Richard. He happened to be working when I called.
Oh, yeah. It’s right here.
He confirmed that the address was correct. And then CHARGED me to have it resent.
Why? Because the package was sent originally from a different store. UPS stores are franchises. So Alpharetta is not responsible for Brookhaven.
So to recap:
The first driver was lazy as hell. (Mailing address was accurate.)
The claims process is a joke. (No updates/information.)
Your customer service is beyond laughable. (Didn’t actually do anything and gave conflicting information.)
I’m out $11.68 and time out of my life to deal with this hassle. (Evidence of your sucktitude.)
I paid the ransom money, and it arrived Friday.
YOU should have tracked down this package for me. I should not have had to call EIGHT stores to find one with an employee named Richard. And I want my $11.68 back.
After all you put me through You’d think I’d despise you But in the end, I wanna thank you ‘Cause you made me that much stronger.
I met up with someone recently who knew you when you were just starting out. You did the same thing to that person that you did to me.
So I know it wasn’t personal: You’ve got a history. A pattern. A way. It’s like that parable (and song) about the snake: “You knew I was a snake when you took me in.”
It’s sad, really.
It’s hard enough for women to succeed without other women dragging them down.
Being in a leadership role is not like having pie: Some for me doesn’t mean less for you.
Anyway. Our circles no longer intersect, and now I’m better off.
If you hadn’t made my life miserable, I wouldn’t have focused on finding new opportunities. And I now love my job.
Your water fitness class almost made me tap out. That would have been a first.
I don’t know if it is because it has been a while since I went to a class (<cough> six months <cough>) or whether it is because you are hard core.
Either way, I had jelly legs at the end of the class.
So thank you.
This pool is great for families (see water slides) but not so great for fitness courses in the deep end. I actually accidentally touched another participant because of the proximity. EEEK.
Not your fault.
I laughed when you shouted, “We always like men in here” to the man picking out a water noodle. To be fair, he did suggest he could be a shark among the mermaids (yuck).
And I appreciate that you gave the chatty ladies hell. (No, lady with pink hair, I don’t want to hear another word about your elbow, thankyouverymuch.)
Anyway, as that great sage Arnold Schwarzenegger said: “I’ll be back.”
It’s clear your ex didn’t treat you as well as I treated my ex. However, please do not bring your baggage into this relationship. Please save your drama for times I can do something about it. Like when we are at the dealership for regular service.
I’m not happy that you refused to start the other day. It seemed like it was your battery or starter. In case it was the former, I haunted the nearest intersection until I found someone with jumper cables.
While I was searching for a person with jumper cables, an asshat parked next to me. Why would you do this?This looks like some strange R2-D2 proboscis.
When that didn’t work, I was forced to tow you to the dealership. Jeff, the service guy, is getting used to that kind of call from me.
Thanks so much for inviting me on your trip to Costa Rica with Sister Kara, and your friends Sharon and Brad (aka Bardo). Though you, Kara and Aunt Beth visited me in Atlanta for Mother’s Day last year, this is our first trip together.
I admit that I was a little sad to miss the huge winter storm in St. Louis (it would have been my first). Then I saw these stats: Missouri State Highway Patrol responded to 1,578 stranded drivers and 556 crashes.
Now, my Southern ass wouldn’t have been driving around in that. But Brother Lodell sent video of his freshly shoveled driveway re-covered with another five or six inches of snow.
I don’t have a snow shovel.
So.
It’s best we are here.
No snow. Ever.
And Juancho’s Rancho via Airbnb doesn’t suck either.
Except for the couch. The couch sucks. The couch sucks HARD because it IS hard.
WTF, Juancho?! This is like a park bench!
We had to get a cushion for this monstrosity.
It was nice to meet Juancho. He’s MUCH YOUNGER than any of us expected. A bit of a hottie too. He suggested we go into Jaco for dinner, but you weren’t having it.
You: Not tonight, Juancho. Me (suggestively): Not tonight, Juancho. Kara: Said no one ever.
Kara and I went to bed laughing most nights. Why? Because of stuff like this (so stupid):
The way of life here is much slower than anything American. While waiting for breakfast to be served, Brad and I had plenty of time to notice our surroundings.
Braclets AND necklesses? Wow.
And debate the differences among words.
Por ejemplo: Homeless=circumstantial, not a choice Hobo=homeless with a goal Bum=homeless without a goal
Thank you for letting Kara and me retire to the AC and the dark like mole creatures when we were done peopling for a while.
And there was much rejoicing on the last day when I finally saw a monkey.
Infinite sadness in those eyes. Probably because there’s no monkey dental plan.
Anyway, it was great. Thanks again for the invitation. Let’s do it again next year!
I’m so glad I learned to drive in Atlanta where Nascar has nothing on I-285. If I hadn’t, there’s no way I would have been prepared for you.
Perhaps you didn’t get any drivers education. Let me help.
Pro Tip 1 People getting onto the highway need to be able to merge. Let them in, for crying out loud!
Pro Tip 2 When someone has his/her/their turn signal on, that means the person wants to get over. Oh but wait, none of you seems to know what that is.
Pro Tip 3 The turn signal is a lever on your steering wheel that, when activated, lets other drivers know you want to make a turn or get into a different lane. You are in the Show Me state, so show me your freakin’ turn signal.
Pro Tip 4 It’s helpful to other drivers for you to pick a lane and STAY IN IT. Weaving in and out is annoying and dangerous.
Pro Tip 5 The posted speed limit is not a suggestion. It’s the max. It’s right there on the sign!
Maybe y’all drive this way to avoid all the potholes and road damage.
Seriously, these roads are about as bad as the ones I had the misfortune of driving in Antigua. That’s saying something.
Please, for the love of God, think of your fellow drivers.
Observe and report 